What to do if you are a tomboy and your friends or family are trying to dress you up like a girl ?

You have absolutely no obligation to dress fou-fou, so stop worrying about pleasing everyone else.

However, it sounds like you are seeing things in extremes.

You say you are not a lesbian, but you may come off as being too "butch" looking.

You can still dress casually and be feminine at the same time. Visit some large department stores and see what's in the junior or women's sportswear sections. You might just need a color/style change and a new hair style.

But don't let anyone "dress" you in any way you don't feel comfortable.

The clothes people wear are both personal style choices as well as social symbols.

Certainly you have the right to make your own choices about what you wear, but I think you need to acknowledge that people are going to make judgements about you based on your appearance. Your friends and family are not so much trying to control you, IMO, as showing concern and attempting to protect you from pain.

I will also note that I know a 35-year-old woman who never worried about clothes, makeup, etc. until very recently. She pursued her interests, went through college and graduate school, and is now a successful professional. Now at 35 she feels confident enough to start dating, but she doesn't know how.

Sounds to me like your friends and family should just get over it. You sound fine based on what you've written. You're fine as long as you feel fine about how you look. Sooner or later, they'll give it up.

Everyone, boys and girls, have occasions where they need to dress up. I have three sons. Two have no trouble putting on a button down shirt, a nice tie and some decent slacks when the occasion calls for it and one I have to arm twist and he will bring a change of clothes so he can get back to shorts and a tee shirt as soon as possible. If you are faced with one of those occasions where you need to dress up, just consider what your options are. If you don't want to wear a dress, nice slacks and a decent blouse would probably work. You don't need to ever wear makeup or jewelry, but you need to be decently groomed. As for every day wear, wear what you want and what is appropriate for what you are doing but remember you can wear comfortable clothes without being a slob. Most teenage girls around here are in jeans and a sweatshirt most of the time so it seems like you are within the norm.

This.

Dress however you please, but understand that people will make value judgments based upon that. And also understand that there are going to be occasions where you need to dress up. You cannot attend a friend's wedding, a relative's funeral or a job interview in jeans.

This does not mean that you need to be in the most frou-frou thing out there. Surely you have noticed pant suits, and more functional classic skirts and skirt suits. Heels need not be sky-high. The color need not be baby pink.

You need not dress like this -

Instead, you can dress like this -


Or this -


Or this -


Or even this -


I suspect that you dislike too many fussy details. And that's fine - that's a classic style, actually. Google "classic women's style" and I think you'll start to see outfits that you might be okay with.

Note - this isn't stuff you're going to strip paint in, or anything like that. But it will be fine for job interviews, weddings and the like. And you will also come to realize, as you get older, that dressing like a teenager doesn't go over so well when you're 30 and you're looking for validation of your authority, particularly in the workplace.

I'm in my 50's and I still prefer to wear pants/slacks most of the time.

I've bought a few simple dresses and will wear them on occasion, but most people probably don't know that I own any dresses. A friend is about to be made a partner at his law firm and there will be a fancy dress-up event. I might wear a dress - just to shock everyone - but my preference would be to wear something like

(not that hairdo though)

You can look smart and grown-up and professional without dressing like a fluffy person. I really only wear makeup when I am performing in dance shows. It's a very rare thing in everyday life for me.

I don't think I'd ever make a point of telling someone that I'm a tomboy and want to dress one way or another. I just wear what I like that is appropriate for the situation.

Well i'm very glad that not everyone gives in to what society dictates a girl should look like. I have friends that used to wear what they like and feel most comfortable wearing but then gave into fashion and started wearing what everyone else was wearing !
You have made me realise i'm not alone, which has given me confidence to continue being who i am, thank you.

I'm not historically a tomboy; I'm historically someone who is most comfortable reading in a chair in jeans or shorts. I wasn't horrible at athletics but that wasn't my most natural state. I did have my eye on careers not allowed to me in my female youth (born in late 1941), sort of ballsy in my way.

We differ in that I don't hate fashion, from couture to tribal wear in situ. To me, it is the show of humans expressing themselves, and only some of that is commercial. Commercial clothing design copies streetwear much of the time. Personally I agree with not fussy, but sometimes I wear flashy earrings because they attract me.

I am guessing you are strongly affected by all the disapproval and I would be too, but watching people and what they wear can be a kind of fun, if you take a wider view - you are in the center of that right now, but that will pass.

Early start up folk, usually men, in the IT industry, famously cared not re garb.
But.. a lot of other jobs involve meeting the public.

I'm actually married to a tomboy. I love my wife very much and I like how strong she is with being a tomboy. I'm not sure if my advice would help at all or is even accurate to help you with your current situation.

When it comes to others telling you to to dress up and you look horrible, it's a matter of your own comfort. If I was you, and this is the same thing I've told my wife. "It's my life and my comfort, if I'm fine with it, you should support it, not degrade me based on your own beliefs." Now this is a touchy thing depending on how you present it. The best way to address it is have a sit down with 1-2 people causing you stress and explain to them that it's how your comfortable and like to live, but make sure not to let them interrupt and when they finally start with their objections, let them finish their side and then interject how you feel about their comments. In the end, you might lose some friends, but truthfully, they were never truly friends if they can't understand and accept you.

The sad part is this is something my wife deals with a lot, even though she will dress up to try and impress me or something from time to time. You just have to be firm on your stance and if those friends that keep pushing for you to change or make fun of your looks, then you need to make some changes. Friends should only pressure you to change, when your activities become hazardous (i.e. drugs, prostitution, etc.), but that's in my opinion. Your age will make things difficult with family, because most times a family that pressures you to change, will usually never give up. Something that seems childish and immature but does drive the point home, is set out a clear line in the sand, and if they cross it, then you can give them the silent treatment for a while, or just avoid interactions for a while, this will get the point through to them sometimes.

Besides that though I can't really help much. Just in the end, keep those than support the real you close, and force those that don't support you out. Good luck and hope my advice can help a little.

I've always been a bit of a cowboy. My friends have bugged me too. Every once in a while I do get gussied up and knock their socks off.. lol
It wouldn't kill you to give some better cut clothes though. Like Jespah said, there are times in your life you have to dress up. Might as well find some clothes you like.
My advice would be to give it an honest shot every once in a while. Try on something you wouldn't normally look at and be honest with yourself. Critique what you either like or hate about it, the colour, cut, shape, length and so on and go from there. Find clothes that make you feel look and feel good.
I don't normally wear skirts, as you might have guessed, but when I go to hot places it's strangely become my preference. At home it's often a struggle.

Thanks for that, you're right there are occasions when i should dress up and i know i can't just go to a wedding in jeans, but somehow i've still managed to avoid the skirt or dress.
I suppose it wouldn't kill me to try, but i would hate it and the comments that will inevitably come with it ! The clothes the women in the pictures are wearing seem a little bit old for a 17 year old but i get the idea thanks

Thanks for that advice ! I think i should try and figure out what it is exactly i don't like in clothes.

Did someone mention yet that dressing takes practice? Aside from physical movement in a skirt, for example, it will really help if you wear that girly stuff enough that you feel comfortable in it.

When my daughter was 8 she announced she would never wear skirts or dresses. We felt she was entitled to make that choice. It lasted until she was around 20 or so. She never has been an excessively 'girly' type of person. She is the mother of 3 boys now.

I agree that the stuff I showed is mainly dowdy - the idea is more to get an idea of options and that it doesn't have to be so b/w.

When I was in my 30s, I went to an image consultant, and she told me that you can divvy women's style up into 6 types -
1) feminine - you guessed it - lacy, ruffles, flounces, those sorts of details
2) sporty - not just sports clothes but also more casual cuts
3) classic - straight lines, much like a lot of the clothes I showed you
4) exotic - think leopard, but also fashions that don't seem to be western
5) alluring - watch reruns of Married With Children. Peg and Kelly Bundy wear this style more or less exclusively
6) dramatic - capes, etc.

There are clothes and accessories that cut across more than one of these, e. g. pearls can be classic and feminine at the same time. A trench coat is generally classic and sporty.

The consultant said that most women have one major style and 2 or so less frequent styles, and they often let the other 3 go unless there's a very good reason to bring them out. Personally I tend to be sporty or classic but I bring out either feminine or exotic with accessories.

A bit of a game you can play with style is to do a little people-watching. Guess the top-three styles for a woman. Public places are great for this - amusement parks, the bus, courthouses, etc. People will dress for the weather or the occasion (at an amusement park, most women will wear shorts or slacks), but personal style always seems to seep in. Observe this about your friends, too. Your pal who wants to make you over - is she uber-feminine? Then it would be quite a radical shift. But if she tends more toward classic styles, it wouldn't hurt to, perhaps, be open-minded about some of her suggestions.

Understanding your own style means that selecting clothes is a lot easier. Some stores cater more toward a certain style than others. Talbot's tends to cater to classic and feminine. JC Penney goes so far in the direction of classic that it's often dowdy. You get the idea.

Suggestions are fine (as I mention above). You are certainly entitled to have your own take on things. My mother and I have never, ever seen eye to eye on clothes. Part of that is because she is heavy on the feminine and I'm more sporty-classic, but it's also because she is a winter and I am a spring, so the colors don't jibe, either. I am 50 years old and I still cannot go clothes shopping for my own things with my mother.

Oh my gosh. I was/am exactly like you.

I still remember one traumatic Christmas.... I was in the 2nd grade and my mom bought me this beige dress with red rickrack and pockets shaped like strawberries. My girly sisters crammed me into that dress and made me wear it to school. I hid in the bathroom all day.

I'm in my 50s now and I am definitely a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. I despise dressing up and will usually avoid any situation that requires it.

That said, there was a time in my life where I did have to "dress" for work. I quickly learned that menswear inspired clothes would allow me to be comfortable. Think Katherine Hepburn -- slacks with blazers or cardigans.

The trick is to find clothes that fit perfectly. Use a tailor if you have to. Learn that you don't need a lot of clothes but the ones you have need to be the very best quality you can afford. As long as you look put together people will get off your back and quit trying to girlify you.

Haha its cool to know i'm not the only one, I certainly would have hid in the toilets all day.
Well thank you for that, everyone I know says i will eventualy give in and wear dresses & stuff, but i'm almost sure i'll never like it. I have a friend that bet me 2 years ago that in the last year of lycée (equivalent to high school i think, i live in France) i would be wearing dresses. Well i'm in my last year now and nothing has changed.

I think this is the key to what boomer and jespah and I have said.

Dress appropriately and people will generally back off.

Ok I'll try your "game", it sounds fun & i like observing people in the street and try and guess what their life is like.
Ok i'll try and see what my other styles could be, you're right i suppose if any it'll be classic.