Sacrifice is Born

So there is this girl who is really innocent and sweet, and has a deep relationship with God; all in all she "pure". She likes me a lot because i have a deeper self to me as she said but my past relationships have been horrible.... I mean there was not any cheating or abuse.. it just never ended.. no we over.. no im sorry were done, it was just assumed nothing. I have only dated about three girls and the last one was the one i really loved, as it was the only girl i have said that to out of all of them. It is not based on chemicals or how well she looks. It something i can't control and she loves me as she said... but apparently we can't be because she loves me to much and has problems with giving this ability to anyone after we were dating for a month. So she told me to move on and i never really can. My family life is hard... since i have ten brothers and sisters... i was always wanting something deeper that filled this void.. to be like the other people who say i love you just because they feel so close not knowing what it really means. Knowledge is the cruel aspect of life. I'm getting off topic,so i never would be writing this if i didn't have this tiny speck of love.... im dating the girl who is close to God to hurt her so bad...i have been so happy in the longest time with this idea of ruining her, seeing her suffer makes me so happy. My friend talked about what if she died and i started laughing so hard asking him to say it again. I asked her out to destroy her.. she says she loves me already in about a week and is really clingy. Yet i have this light of hope telling me how horrible i am, a monster.. that im better than this. I want to see her cry right in front of me but im not sure how to crush that little hope of light from getting in the way of this.