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Saying No Without Hurting His Feelings?

 
 
bla2889
 
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:08 pm
My boyfriend loves blowjobs, obviously, lol. But I really don't like giving them. I do it, for him, but I get no pleasure from it. And sometimes I'm really not in the mood and I just really, really don't feel like it. How do I tell him no without hurting his feelings? I don't want him to think like somethings wrong with him, I just don't want to do it at the time.
 
ossobuco
 
  3  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:27 pm
@bla2889,
I hardly have the patience to answer you.
What are you, the floating fairy?
How do you tell him something?

You can post online and not manage to tell the guy something like you aren't interested?
bla2889
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:37 pm
@ossobuco,
To answer your questions: no I'm not a fairy (those aren't real), and yes I can post online, as well as a number of other things.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:39 pm
@bla2889,
So then can you talk straightforwardly to this guy?
bla2889
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:43 pm
@ossobuco,
I could, but straight forwardly would sound mean, and I don't want to do that. The question is simply just asking for advice on how to not sound rude when telling someone that you don't want to get intimate
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:49 pm
@bla2889,
Never mind rude. Stand up for yourself - that is not rude.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:51 pm
@ossobuco,
I'm leaving to go to sleep, will be back.
0 Replies
 
bla2889
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 09:56 pm
@ossobuco,
I understand what your saying, but I'm not going to tell him something that I know will make him feel bad
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 10:07 pm
@bla2889,
Really?

You expect never to tell men (never mind men, anyone at all) what you think for the next fifty years in case it might hurt their egos?


Please learn to stand up for yourself.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 10:08 pm
@ossobuco,
G'night, talk another day.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Sat 16 Feb, 2013 11:45 pm
@bla2889,
I'm afraid you're just going to have to hurt his feelings. You can try "just not being in the mood", but the result will be about the same. Surely, you are not going to be able to continue this forever, so you might as well let him know before you really come to dislike him.
0 Replies
 
bla2889
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 17 Feb, 2013 03:08 am
@ossobuco,
Right, because that's exactly what I said. I specifically said I'm never going to tell anyone how I feel. Please learn to think before you write
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Feb, 2013 08:08 am
@bla2889,
Perhaps turn it into a suggestion to do something new and different. E. g. let's try this instead. Whatever that happens to be.

Explain that you enjoy intimacy with him but the act of giving a bj is not high on your list of things you like to do. And you would like some variety so that everyone is happier.
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 02:37 pm
Divert, divert.

Say: "Oh honey, I'd rather do . . . "

Then start doing whatever YOU want to do. No partner should feel forced to do anything he/she does not want to in the bedroom.
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  2  
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 02:45 pm
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

Perhaps turn it into a suggestion to do something new and different. E. g. let's try this instead. Whatever that happens to be.

Him: "Hey, honey, how about a blow job?"
Her: "I have an idea - let's try scrapbooking instead."
Him: "Well, I don't see how that gets my dick sucked."
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 03:40 pm
@bla2889,
bla2889 wrote:

I understand what your saying, but I'm not going to tell him something that I know will make him feel bad.


This is a prescription for trouble ahead in your life.
Trying to be nice and doing something you don't want to do, to be nice, is simply unwise. Listen to yourself in the future - please. It is best for both. Faking enjoyment is a wrong road.
You may enjoy all of that in the future, even greatly enjoying it, but you don't just now. Don't act as if you do.

You could learn to be polite while saying no, but no is the key word, as is yes, if you feel like it. Don't mix those up.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 04:28 pm
@ossobuco,
What do you think he thinks about you?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 05:13 pm
@bla2889,
bla2889 wrote:
I do it, for him, but I get no pleasure from it.


have you tried different approaches that might make it fun for you?

~~~

exactly what do you think you're going to say that is going to hurt his feelings? hey you, you've got an ugly dick.

Have you talked to him about your sexual preferences?
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 5 Mar, 2013 05:14 pm
@bla2889,
bla2889 wrote:
I'm not going to tell him something that I know will make him feel bad


really?

how old are both of you?
0 Replies
 
Antonia80
 
  1  
Reply Thu 21 Mar, 2013 12:59 pm
@bla2889,
There is noting wrong to be direct with him and if he respects you he would have understand. Every one have some things that like and things he/she doesn't and there is nothing bad Smile
0 Replies
 
 

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