Girlfriend of seven months cheated but feeling extreme guilt.

Bumping so I can see if I can get some responses.

Run . . . don't walk . . . to the nearest exit from this relationship. If you care about fidelity, you need to figure out why you continue to choose women who won't be faithful, and to avoid attempting to form relationships until you can be sure you have found a trustworthy partner.

This is spot on.

Cycloptichorn

I do hope you realize it's the middle of the work day for a lot of people. More will respond once the day is ended.

Anyway - have you considered counseling? For both of you, if she'll go, or at least just for you. For I do not think it is enough for just her to get help.

Of course it bothers you. Of course you're concerned about trust. That's pretty dang normal. I would even venture to say that the August incident(s) might not even be too much of an issue, seeing as things were so new. Was there already a clear understanding of exclusivity in the relationship? Because if there wasn't, then it might not even be cheating. December, though, is a lot more problematic.

So - you need to learn to express your needs and expectations, clearly, assertively and kindly. This will be helpful not only in this relationship but in other aspects of your life. Furthermore, it will be of help if the relationship ends.

You could also use some counseling about your choices. Perhaps you are drawn to women who you feel you can rescue, or fix. Neither is a terribly good dynamic.

In any event, it is for this precise reason that therapists exist.

I posted this I believe Monday night, she wants to seek counselling and do anything to make us work. As for August the week before she left we spent together and before she left she swore to not cheat because she wanted us to be together.
Some back story to our relationship is needed. We were just friends for awhile because we both weren't really ready for a relationship but we decided we were ready and knew we wanted a serious relationship with eachother. She was also the one to take my virginity so two days after that she made the video after I left that morning and was coming back that night. August doesn't bother me as much as the December incident. Our relationship I thought was great but obviously I was clueless to all of this. She has lied about many things such as not telling this guy we were together and telling me that she didn't talk to him anymore. Now she has completely cut contact and is completely devoting herself to akig us better. Unfortunately I don't know what to do. I love her and would love to make it work but I don't know if I could ever be able to trust her or if there is saving this. Im sorry about the length of this.

Ah, that changes things.

There is a lot more lying going on here than you had originally stated.

Do you have any evidence of her veracity, other than your feelings? Seriously. Because if it's been this bad, she's got a significant burden of proof to show that she has changed and is being true.

If this were a friend of yours, and you were on the outside, looking into this relationship more or less objectively, what would you think?

lying is like crack.

it's very hard for an addict to quit...

If she's interested in counseling, why not try it? One question I have is how old are the two of you? Early in life, it's easy to make mistakes that you wouldn't make later, after experience. Some people act on feelings of fear and depression while others are less likely to do so. Counseling may help you answer your questions and help both of you understand yourselves better.

I would tell them to run. I have discussed just out right breaking up but she's very stuck on making things work. She came out to her parents and told them about our relationship which was another burden for us. She called him infront of me ending that friendship. She's looking into counsellors and for any kind of help to fix her problems. My last two relationships ended after they cheated and just left because they didn't care but those relationships started wonderful and they never did want to fix things. Since she is so remorseful and wants to fix things it's making me wonder if leaving is a bad idea.

We are both very young her 20 and me 18 almost 19. I have been in serious relationships before and have more maturity in relationships than she does. The guy she cheated with was her first boyfriend and the only person she has been with besides me. She admitted that she still had some feelings since he was her first love and they were together 5 years. She also admitted to getting hooked on that rush of cheating but all the lying and guilt was ripping her apart. We both suffer from depression and anxiety but I have been able to handle both of these where she still struggles. She's devastated over this and thoroughly hates herself. I would like to get counselling but both of us being so young and broke I have no idea where to look.

Well you know, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Google psychotherapist in your city and see what comes up. Many therapists have web sites these days. Also Psychology Today has the best referral site available. Good luck.