My boyfriend resents his mother; hates all contact I have with her

@PUNKEY,

Idk what your definition of co-dependent is, but to me I typically break down words like that, like this ( try it ) - co: together, dependent: person who relies on someone else for basic needs. I'd like to think of myself as an independent. My own car, own job, put myself through school, moved out when I was 18.. But I digress. If you are speaking of my emotional side; no. I actually have pets (side note), Have friends, have family & have a very healthy self image. I was raised not to ditch out when life isn't exactly as I dreamed it up. So... Basically.,. I know I am the only person who can make me act a certain way & feel a certain way. It is physically impossible to be controlled by another human - I don't drink cyanide koolaid from my cult leader boyfriend. It's a problem, not the end of the world.

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@Justcreepitreal,

But here you are asking for help because what you are doing is not working. Do you want help or not?

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@PUNKEY,

Thanks for the input but I'd like to break down the definition of co-dependent for you; co- together, dependent- relying on someone for the basic needs in life. I think of myself as an independent, actually. I own my own car, put myself through school, moved out at 18, work my ass off to receive a paycheck & buy my own necessities. But I digress. If you meant emotionally co-dependent (which is not what you meant), nah, not at all. I have pets (side note), family, friends, & even hobbies. I have a very healthy self image. Physically, physically it is impossible to be controlled by another human being. Psychologically yes I've seen it - sorry to disappoint you but.i don't drink cyanide laced koolaid from my cult leader boyfriend. Lol. I'm a grown ass woman who doesn't pee my pants whenever I face a problem. I put on my gloves, pull that person the **** out of their situation, take then into my environment & try & resolve issues.

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@hawkeye10,

Precisely. Advice. Not critique based on unknown facts

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@Justcreepitreal,

Quote:

Precisely. Advice. Not critique based on unknown facts

you have gotten advice from many, and while we dont agree on whether this guy has salvage potential we all agree that he is not much right now. you can spin on your riot grrrl self delusion till the cows come home, but dont expect to find much support. you chose this loser, which means that you are responsible for your choice, it is a reflection upon you.

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@hawkeye10,

I didn't really understand that... But ok. Lol

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@hawkeye10,

Assuming that was supposed to be English & you're not one of the Wild Whites of West Virginia

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@Justcreepitreal,

Justcreepitreal wrote:

He is 28

the anger

he has this undermining, belittling, grandiose & superior way of thinking about himself

"Not contributing members of society" "worthless" "stupid" "crazy" & derogatory name calling.

He hangs up the phone on her,

refuses to answer calls,

screams & yells at her, then asks her for favors & money

DRAMA.

Whatever he's spoiled & a complete baby when he doesn't get what he wants from her.

He takes & takes & treats her like she's the scum of the earth

My personal problem is my relationship with her & the way my boyfriend treats me. SCARY.

If I answer her calls because he has blown her off for half a week; "BEST FRIENDS YOU TWO ARE BFFS WHAT DID I TELL YOU DON'T TALK TO HER SHE'S INSANE!!" All day

If I open the door to her because she needs to drop something off he goes ballistic - tells me to hide in the room from her, even. Like wtf.

Then & ONLY then is it acceptable for me to talk to her.

I don't want to disrespect him but this is weird & freaks me out (the level of hatred he has is frightening at times).

he screams that I don't know his family, shut up, go away & runs to our bedroom slamming the door & giving me the silent treatment all day.

He acts batshit insane & it scares me because he's very sharp & reserved & calm & logical usually.

We just had a huge fight over it because he found out I spoke with his mother yesterday to assure her that her son is ok & idk why he won't answer her calls.

He's psychotic over it

you do understand why people reading this might be concerned for you, right?

If you haven't already done it, I'd recommend talking to your counsellor about what you've posted here.

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@ehBeth,

Absolutely I understand the concern. But it seems extremely blown out of proportion. He's not killing baby animals & drinking their blood or buying guns & ammunition & at the shooting range all day lol. People on the Internet like to make plagues out of colds. Which is why I've never actually sought advice on one of these websites... Nor do I go out "trolling" & harassing people. I have spoken to my psychologist about this & my boyfriend is willing to go to therapy both alone & with me.. I was merely asking if anyone has experienced this & what my role could be to help, besides looking after myself first & foremost. Marines are not generally losers btdubs, hawkeye. Maybe a little unsound, but losers? See what I mean...

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@hawkeye10,

"and while we don't agree..."
@ehbeth. Im learning that people who "troll" the Internet all day also have a false sense of belonging to a group of people who share the same common feelings in the digital world of pixelated faux bliss. LOL. This is actually a psychology project in itself... "We" lolololol

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@Justcreepitreal,

We have all told you the same thing about how you could help the situation....set boundries and enforce them. You act like you have a chip on your shoulder about how much **** you can take, which is a bad move on your part. It took me almost 15 years to figure out that I had to do this, I hope that you learn faster.

Btw: you have misread the situation, several of us have lived through tortorous relationships.....we are giving you the wisdom of that torture not spewwing naive Pollyanna tales.

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@Justcreepitreal,

That sounds very arrogant. You know nothing about anyone here. Many people on this site have met, and more than once.

You are 22. Remember that. You don't know everything.

And if you don't like the advice you're getting, go to another site.

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@Mame,

Well that's sad.
Just remember, you are all living in a PU online. Nothing you say actually effects the course of reality & is sincerely, excruciatingly redundant in just about every facet.

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@Mame,

Plus I never said I know everything. But I understand life & death a little more everyday & I interfere with natural selection often. Most of "you" have no idea what's out there. I feel sorry for you. Broaden your horizons.

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@hawkeye10,

I never said you haven't. & Pollyanna was actually beyond delusional. She created a fantasy world to escape the negativity of her surroundings.

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@Justcreepitreal,

I love your moxxie and your refusal to play the victim...it is refreshing. Just keep in mind that when what you are doing is not working it is time for a rethink and maybe some new information. If bf has you ready to pull your hair out then you might want to do that, maybe you have made an error.

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@hawkeye10,

Right because most people play victim instead of taking control of their life... Which is sad. & I would never pull my hair out, it's beautiful. I'm not afraid to error, it's human & probably the greatest of all learning experiences. Soo...

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@PUNKEY,

exactly.

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@cathy22,

Shut up ho!

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@Justcreepitreal,

Quote:

Shut up ho!

I thought you said nothing we said over the internet would at all bother you, after all it's the internet. How old did you say you were?

I hate to burst your bubble. But, these "people" on the Internet, on this Forum, are not delusional, **** I keep learning from them, must be age, wisdom, soul, and I bet they know more than me, consequently a shirt load more than you, I think credit should be given when credit is due.

Hawkeye has some qualities too....

Your last comment shows your true qualities madam...

1 Reply

My boyfriend resents his mother; hates all contact I have with her

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