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Fri 8 Feb, 2013 09:17 am
My story is kinda long so bear with me. I met J when I was 9 and he was 14. He was my neighbor. I had a hige crush on him but we barely ever talked. I do remember I cared about him a lot. When his mother died he was around 16 and I suffered it. I always dreamt we could grow up and marry but he moved out of his father's round 18 and had a child and wife round 22. Even at that point I felt somewhat jelous and when I saw him visiting his dad with baby in his arms I couldn' t really take it (he looked at me and I looked at him for a few seconds before I entered my house). Thing is in 2011 I was 24 and had a (2 y o) baby with an a-hole who doesn't even see him anymore. I was/am a bus driver for a living and one day my mom told me he saw him. A few days later he stopped by my bus and asked me if I remembered him. I was happy to see him and we talked. I felt completely normal until he started telling me he was falling for me ( he had already divorced and had 1 more kid). I felt in heaven. So after some weeks of flirting we got together as a couple. He was really sweet with me although sometimes he was too straight forward. Anyway we were together for 4ish months when one day I noticed he didn't answer my calls or facebook messages. I got into fb to see if he had been online and he had been. He was talking with some girl and they were saying things like "you were my first love" "that's the one who can't be forgotten ". After trying to get answers and getting none I remembered he had logged in to his fb from my phone, so I got into it. He had messages saying he wasn't that much into me, that he didn't wanna marry (which I wasn't planning but I thought we were serious). Then he was telling a friend if he got in the army he would go alone. (he told he would take me with him). I always thought of him as a sincere person so I was heart broken. I started posting crap in his fb saying "Now I'm single ready to give it the the first one to arrive" and things like that. That's when he called. We never really talked but had an argument through text msg. He said I was a child and accused me of having something to do with his brother which is false. So it all ended and I kept going with my life and plans. This time I was sure I didn't want anything to do with men and found
them all to be crap. One day I was sitting near my bus waiting for my
turn when he walked by and we talked a little like old friends. I then went to move the bus and he left. This past months I have seen him often and he throws kisses when I pass by him
driving. About 2 months ago I found him when I was walking to the supermarket. We kissed in the cheek and talked about what we were doing. I was more stuttering than talking and raised an eyebrow as a sign that I still like him. About a week ago he stopped my bus and told me to stop later to talk. I went and we talked for a few minutes then I stopped later and we went into his appartment. He asked me why we had a fight 1 year ago and when I told him he said those were only friends and that when he said that he wouldn't marry he said that cause we were just starting. I wasn't quite convinced with his answers but apparently his life now is working and locking himself in his apt to play videogames. He is a really cute guy so I think he could have any woman but he insists on me so he must really be into me. I also found him hairy and with unkempt beard. When I was leaving we kissed and he insisted on having sex with me which I tried to avoid but after some time I couldn't really resist it. Next time I saw him he was shaven and fixed his hair. We didn't do anything this time but he seems happy to be with me and he always tell me not to leave. So I'm really confused...I mean I love him, but I feel like and idiot for getting back together without a single apology. I really don't know of I should keep seeing him.
To recap.
A year ago, you were dating but there were FB messages from him that things were not serious. Because he failed to cover his tracks adequately, you were able to look into his FB account and confirm this in his private messages. A big fight ensues.
A year passes, and you meet each other on the street and start dating again.
The last part is unclear - is he working? I have no idea what the hair/beard thing means - do you mean to say that you took him in when he looked like crap but now he's cleaning up and trying to look nice for you?
Be that as it may, I doubt you will get any sort of an apology unless you really push for it. And that might end things. To my mind, it all looks kind of precarious. Is it?
And, I hope you are thinking of your child in all of this. Of course there is nothing wrong with you dating, but your child's needs are paramount here. If this relationship is a lot of trouble and takes a lot of your energy, you might want to rethink restarting it.
He does work, with his father in auto repair. The hair and beard: I said this cause he never lets himself let go like that and maybe he was a bit depressed.
My child IS my top priority.
And yeah, I mean I like him a lot and love him but I'm seriously thinking about it...When we were there staring at each other's eyes it was so amazing I forgot about everything but when I got home I wasn't
quite sure of going on with it.
To the precarious part, you are right in that and I didn't really want to give him hopes unless he did show he wants to get serious, move out with me, etc. He used to tell me/ told me now he would have liked to live with me, but those messages can't be deleted from my head. Maybe I should stop visiting and wait for his reaction? Idk
Sorry - but he seems like he's still the 14 year old you fell in love with.
As he told someone else, "you never forget the first love." You seem stuck there.
You are spending way to much energy trying to move this on from anything but a role in the hay for him (sex)
Is he capable of taking care of you and your child? If not, move on.
He will reveal himself in time. In the meantime, back off and see if he stands on his own two feet.
He is a good father and a hard worker, very independent too...he also wants to be around my kid. Other than that I don't really know cause I feel like I can't trust him/don't know what's up with him or what he really feels. He said "I love you a lot" 3 times that day but I didn't say anything back cause I wasn't certain of what he was saying. I am trying to back off as you said it's just hard cause he was living in another town (about hour and a half from my house) when we broke up, now he lives in a street I have to go through almost every day. The other day I passed by his house after going to a store and I was with my child. He was in his way out and told me to come back later. I actually did but the door was closed (maybe he was sleeping?) I called once but I just left really fast. Day after that I left a note saying I had been there and left. That he has to tell me when he wants to see me. With that I expect him to actually do something if he DOES want to win me back. I'm not gonna be the one doing everything, giving everything, loving more cause I'm sick of that already. I'm just gonna keep on living cause I have no problem being a single woman/mother and I'm doing pretty good so far.
I dont understand, he don't have a brother & hos father. Has passsed on. He don't live in an apartment, he livesin house with Mr..So many things are different ...is this a joke /.
@jennofer york,
What are you talking about. His father is very alive, it's his mother that dies about 14 or so years ago. He works with hos father, but has a one room rented house/apartment whatever. He was staying with an aunt before that. I never said he doesn't have a brother, he has a younger (almost 25) y o brother. I write part of this from my phone, excuse my mistakes.
I actually forgot to write in my original post that he was sorta offering sex to some women in his messages. I know that makes it so much worse and me more of an idiot. I really Don't know how to take him off my mind...good news is I haven't seen him since Sunday.
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