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Wed 6 Feb, 2013 08:10 am
I'm 16 and my sister is 11(just turned it last month)
For her birthday,my mom got her a fully operating phone,internet and everything. I didn't agree with it,since she isn't allowed to even take it out of the house. I didn't get a phone until I was 13, and it was an obama phone.(very low tech,no internet,no picture taking). But I. Didn't say anything, why spoil her present?
However, I found weird google searches in her phone that she lied about.like 'mens dicks'. I have no idea if she actually got to see anything,or if she can use google images,but I know what she was doing. I've given her 'the talk' a long time ago,and last month when she started her period. But she's never seen anything.
The thing is, I know its natural for kids to do that stuff, I did it when I was 13. I still do it now,after all, I'm a teenager.but 13 going on 14 and just turning 11 are very different.I wonder, should I be concerned? Is she too young? What should I do? I don't wanna tell on her,but I knew this was a bad idea to start with...
@magicstorm101,
So, let's recap.
You snooped into her phone. You looked at some auto-completes in Google (which don't even necessarily mean that she actually opened up any of her search results, even if she did perform these searches). You gave her "the talk". What talk? That is not the job of an elder sibling unless the parents and the school 100% fall down on the job (highly doubtful these days).
About the only thing I would suggest is parental controls on the search on her phone. And on yours, for that matter. You are not her parent; you are her sibling. If you want your parents to behave as parents to her, then be prepared for them coming down on you, as parents, too.
And stop snooping in people's phones and jumping to conclusions about them. You could be completely off-base (the searches might even have been for definitions).
@jespah,
I didn't snoop in her phone. Id never do that,and she doesn't really have anything worth snooping.She asked me to help her find a google page she lost, and I saw the search in her history. And they weren't auto searches,because there were many looked through pages from that one search. It was in the internet history,not the google browser. And I know I'm not her parent, I don't try to be. I'm her friend, so I never told my mom. I only jumped to the conclusion because she was so shady about it when I asked, and saying. She was was looking for 'mens dicks sporting goods'isn't a really believable answer. I didn't let her know I was concerned.
Also, my mom isn't exactly being very motherly, so I have every right to be concerned!
@magicstorm101,
magicstorm101 wrote:Also, my mom isn't exactly being very motherly, so I have every right to be concerned!
You have a right to be concerned about your sister.
But trust me, you do not want to put yourself into the role of "mother" to your sister. While this might protect her a little in the short term, it will affect your relationship with her well into adulthood. (I'm talking, until you're in your 40s.)
Finding out what a penis looks like isn't going to destroy her life.
@DrewDad,
I don't usually put myself in that role...and I don't want to...but if my mom isn't going to do anything,and she comes to me for answers-she always does- I answer them.that's usually how it is.when I asked her about this, I was really cool,as I usually am when I talk to her.I haven't taken any action,I haven't even let her know I'm upset about it. I don't wanna ruin the relationship I have with my sister.
@magicstorm101,
magicstorm101 wrote:,and she comes to me for answers-she always does- I answer them.that's usually how it is.
That's appropriate for a big sister. Getting involved with parental controls might not be the direction you want to take things, though.
@DrewDad,
So, should I leave it alone?
If I tell my mom, I would be making it to where she doesn't trust me,and right now,she isn't concerned about me telling.plus, I don't wanna tell her really. She never tells on me, and vice versa.
But at the same time,I don't feel comfortable with not doing anything.
@magicstorm101,
I apologize for jumping to conclusions. But, really, you may be doing the same.
Now, like DrewDad says, this is not a great dynamic to get into, between siblings. And a little curiosity on her part is natural and not necessarily a bad thing. After all, it's an image - better than asking a classmate to drop trou.
What do you want as a final accomplishment? I mean, really. Is it to feel better? Is it to have her stop being curious about such things? Is it to have your mother step in? Set aside your feelings for the moment and think about your destination here, and whether it's even possible or justified or makes sense. If it's to make you feel better, then you can probably not involve your sister or mother at all. If it's to get your sister to stop looking, that's likely impossible. If it's for your mother to become more actively involved then, like I said, you may find that some of that impacts you as well.
@magicstorm101,
Well - you can make this a "teachable moment."
Ask her if she has any questions about sex or men's bodies, since you saw she had been looking for information about men's bodies on the web.
She seems curious. I worry about all the other sites she would come across in her search. Some can get pretty raunchy.
Then warn her that EVERYTHING she says or does online can be seen by others.
She is lucky to have you as a sister, especially if mom is not up to paying attention right now.
You are a good person, magic!!
@magicstorm101,
I cannot help but wonder what would happen if she accidentally stumbled on this thread, Storm.
What do you think would happen?
@jespah,
Its not that I want her to stop being curious.she's making her way into the same place In the world I'm in right now,I can't act as if my situation,my curiosity is different.its the same. Its just that I'm concerened because she lied,even when I approched her normally.maybe it was instinct because she was afraid id get mad at her, I dunno,She's usually so open to me with sex-related stuff.I just would rather her come to me,for now untill she gets a bit older,instead of going to the internet,where its out and open and confusing.
@Frank Apisa,
I understand what you're saying. But I dbout shed be very upset. She's not very internet savy, and she doesn't really have a sense of privacy. I could actually tell her I'm doing this,and she wouldn't be too concerned because she doesn't know anyone. She's kind of in her own bubble.
@magicstorm101,
Well the reason I asked...is that the replies to your inquiry might be enlightening to her. And at very least, might open up a different avenue of interaction between the two of you on the issue.
But keep in mind that she may truly be investigating these things the way all young people do...only in this new age, via the Internet and Google. This is not a radical departure from the "let's play doctor" "let's play house" of a previous age...just more time appropriate.
If you honestly think she would not react poorly to the posting...have her read it. It WILL stimulate appropriate discussion.
@Frank Apisa,
I actually asked her a minute ago, to read (to assure myself I wasn't just blowing smoke) and her reaction at first was 'for a minute I thought mommy was on the chat' which made me happy. I tried to prompt her to read but all she said was 'nah, too long,' then went away.
I can't tell if she's truly not interested, or doesn't grasp the concept.
@magicstorm101,
magicstorm101 wrote:she lied
Kids lie, sometimes, especially when they don't want to discuss something they find embarrassing. It's not about dishonesty, or lack of trust; it's about not wanting to talk about it.
I suggest that, as a sibling, you simply tell her that you're willing to talk if she wants to. Don't pretend to more knowledge or experience than you have.
@magicstorm101,
magicstorm101 wrote:
So, should I leave it alone?
If I tell my mom...
I can't imagine that any parent, in this day and age, doesn't know what's available on the Internet.
@DrewDad,
I'm not trying pretending I have more knowledge than I actually do,but I have more then her is all. I did say that her and I are in the same boat, in the same place,and that our curiosities are the same.
But I guess I could just tell her what you said, that I'm open to talking to her about it if she wants to. She usually does.
@DrewDad,
True. But I wouldn't want her to get into trouble, is what I mean.
@magicstorm101,
magicstorm101 wrote:
I'm not trying pretending I have more knowledge than I actually do,
I wasn't trying to suggest that you are, or that you have.
@magicstorm101,
magicstorm101 wrote:
True. But I wouldn't want her to get into trouble, is what I mean.
I suspect the best advice you can give her on that is "don't do or say anything on that phone that you don't want everyone at school knowing about."
Lots and lots of stories about pictures and texts being shared around schools.
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