Thu 31 Jan, 2013 03:30 pm
My wife has been carrying on an affair with another married man for about 10-12 months now. I have managed to find out his name, have pics of the two of them kissing and holding hands from one of those photobooth contraptions, and know that he has been paying for her vehicle repairs for quite some time. Wife admitted to the affair in the midst of our divorce, but out of fear of breaking the family apart I said that I would try polyamory as a last resort to not disrupt lives of our children.
I agreed to this nearly 6 months ago, and to this point she and I have had sex 1 time. My understanding was that in taking this step, our relationship would be primary and the other secondary in all things. This is pissing me off and as a result, I've begun snooping around in her things to find whatever I can. this past weekend, I went to get something out of th trunk of her car and discovered a bag that included a couple of dildos and a vibrator-- all of which wrapped in a bedsheet.
Should I contact her lover now and tell him to either end the affair or I will go to his wife with the details I have? Is it possible to do this without my wife finding out I played a part in it?
Just tell her you tried living this way and it isn't working for you. She'll either need to recommit to you or move on.
What are you doing hanging around in the marriage? It seems a lot like she's checked out completely. Why confront anyone? Why not just file again and, this time, go through with it?
Your mistake was thinking that you could live with this crappy arrangement.
I'm surprised you are even asking what you should do.
I guess, in the end, I'm still trying to resurrect a marriage. There's also still some anger that she gets to have her cake and eat it too while the guy she's with has not had his life upended at all by this.
Don't worry - he'll learn what he has gotten into in time.
Time reveals all . . .
In the meantime, don't feel as though your life has been "upended." Consider it a housecleaning. You will realize this as time passes.