Married but in love with my ex

Well, your ex has made it clear that that's a dead end.

The way I see it, you have the following options.

1. Don't change anything. I think you'll agree this one stinks.
   
2. Try again with your ex. I'm highly doubtful that this will do anything, although it might be the kick in the pants you need to really start getting over her.
   
3. Separate from your wife. Your head isn't there and, you're right, it's not fair to her and you are likely wasting her time. Or -
   
4. Get counseling. Ask your wife to go along but, if she doesn't go, go without her.

I think you'll agree that the last option is the best one, yes? Find out why you're fixated on something that's hopeless. Find out why you seem to be obsessed with being treated poorly, and why you're having trouble being with someone who is, overall, treating you pretty damned well. And while you're at it, learn how to rekindle things with your wife. And maybe you'll be able to salvage your marriage or at least you can say, if it does end, that you both did all you could.

If you're to tell the truth, you're giving your love ones the best respect they deserve and that includes your wife.

You are lovesick for a fantasy.

If that girl wanted to be with you, she would have moved mountains to be with you. She hasn't.

Find out what's going on with YOU. You sound depressed. (anxious, not eating, not sleeping)

Get to counseling ASAP.

Like the song says "the grass isn't always greener on the other side,it's greener where you water it".

Relationships take work. How can you wife address your needs if she doesn't know there is a need or issue to begin with. I'd suggest making an attempt at counseling and then if that doesn't work move to separation.

It terms of your ex, an ex is an ex for a reason...

If you are scared to be alone, then why risk losing both of them? Choose!

There's NO choice to be made!!! This fantasy girl won't have anything to do with him. He is love sick about the past, what USED to be.

He is losing his wife because he is stuck in the fantasy-past. He also seems depressed.

The Ex.













So, do I gather that your current wife, given she helps your Mother and Family, is just a kind person, wouldn't hurt a fly... Nice.

Read what you wrote about your ex.. Dropped you. Accused you of not paying enough attention. You stopped doing some college work for her "neediness", you were breaking your back to try to accomodate her "neediness". She was heartless. Ignored you, acted as if she hated you. .....

In-securities in people make them love those that treat them like shite. They loved to be somewhat bullied, pushed around.

Then there is first love. The only thing you knew.

Do you really think that is how relationships are? Why on earth would you want to go back to that?

Your wife, from the sounds of it, as I said is "nice".. So this is the complete oposite to what you are used to. Your Mother loves her, hated your ex. Why? Mother's know best, because she treated you like crap.

You now have the chance to pull yourself together and live for you, with a wife, instead of living for someone else, yet you want to go back to being bullied, put down and treated like shite.

You are being the mirror image of her now. Doing it to your wife.

Is your wife that bad ? No. Wake up. You don't deserve the way you were treated over those 4 years. It is her loss. Not your loss. Realise your worth and work it out with your wife.