{{{{{Misti}}}}} Cry to your little heart's content!
God, Osso, I'm so envious! Experience is what I lacked. I dated two men before I got married the first time, but they were fairly platonic--platonic in the way anyone knows who dated in the late fifties and early sixities.
I married my first husband because I slept with him. Only a few of us on this thread are old enough to remember when women did that. I married my second husband because he made me feel safe. Having only been with two men in my life, I can't help wondering if I would have been more particular about finding someone with compatible tastes if I had had more time to become my own woman.
I dont' mean to sound like I don't appreciate my husband, I love him very much and appreciate what a good man he is. I just can't help wondering.
{{{ Hi Di }}}
Good points on all counts:)
Sometimes I think life is backwards ... we should learn how to be comfortable in our own skin and in our own company and learn to know ourselves first, before we become involved with anyone in a lifelong committment. I suspect all of us would make different choices if we did.
Misti, regardless of what the lovely Rae says, I agree with you. (She's much too young to understand. LOL)
It took me a long time to finally have the confidence to feel comfortable with myself and to know myself well enough to trust my decisions. I don't know if most of us do it backward, but I sure did, much to my chagrin at times.
May I jump in here?
I tried it once. I was divorced at the time. I went back and looked up my first love (not the ex.) It didn't work. Again. But I have such lovely memories of the couple of weeks that I tried! It's been more than 20 years and I still think about him from time to time. I always hope he is happy.
Me? I've been married for almost 20 years to a wonderful guy. I'm in a better place (emotionally, spiritually, geographically, financially, you name it) than I would have been if things had worked out with my first love. So, no regrets!
Diane, if we all waited until we were that sure of ourselves, there would be no more children!!! Ha ha ha! I only reached that point after being in a stable relationship for a good number of years.
Visitor, LOL, how true! I think if we make the best out of what we have, things tend to work out; but, every now and then, I still wonder....
Misti, I'm sure that's why we are so wise and wonderful today! Isn't it great, being older? I've never had such a good time in my life.
(sigh) there is one woman I dated who I still think about sometimes, but what trouble things would have been! She was working on an MBA, had a terrific singing voice, lovely Irish lass (all the good stuff), also a single mom, and working as an escort to supplement her income (the bad stuff, not the kid, but the lifestyle, and living it with a kid)...she has since dropped off the face of the earth, as far as I can tell. I believe I made the right choice in terms of who I married in the end
Diane and Misti, it is a pleasure reading your posts! I can just see ourselves sitting on Misti's sofa discussing this.
Well, looking back I think I was really lucky how everything turned out for me. I was in my first serious relationship from age 18 to 33. No real experience before that. Then he finally decided that this 22 year old blond would be so much more fun. And maybe it was too much of a hassle for him to continuously try to hide his affairs from me. Anyway, we separated and that was good.
So here I was, 33 years old, looking not too bad, going to the gym a lot, enjoying life and getting all the experience I wanted. After enjoying this for one and a half years I decided now would be a good time for real relationship. I met BigDice and we will be married six years in June. And this is the best that ever happened to me. When we met, I was pretty self-confident and knew that I could live my life alone if I had to. Of course, he makes me feel that I'm great the way I am. I very much appreciate that.
And I sure hope to be as wise and wonderful as you two one day :-)
Urs, you and BigD are one of the most adorable couples I've ever had the joy of meeting. Your love is palpable, yet each of you is obviously your own person, which is one of the single most important things in a relationship. IMHO. Smooches to you both--and the kitties!
BTW, to say you look 'pretty good' is an extreme understatement!
I have to agree with Diane, Urs!
You r the only one minus one.
You r the only one minus one.
I came back to my ex-and-current-partner-in-one twice. I think I knew he was the one all along, but we both had a lot of growing to do though (him especially, but of course). We were apart for a year and I learned I will not die a gruesome death of loneliness and emptiness without him, that I can make it on my own, and quite merrily, which in turn, took a huge burden off of him after we hooked up again. We are moving in together in a month, for good it seems.
There is one special high school boy, my heart melts and I have a silly grin as soon as I think of him. I only spent one night (innocently so! it was a prom night or something, spent among other people though i don't recollect anyone else being there) with him, but will never forget a minute of it. Met him 7 years later, and although he was chubby if not fat, bearded and just all changed, the chemistry was still there, not one spark less. Spent hours and hours talking. Met up with him a few times after that, but when I found out (he worked for my brother-in-law's firm) that he was thinking of leaving his fiance, I vanished from the scene. To the U.S., no less (he is a Slovak boy). Met him again some 2 or 3 years later, even chubbier, but can't help it. Will have to stay away from him for good!
L'K, don't forget the young man's girl is a boxer! but it would be grand to have him closer at least, he is a wonderful person!
It's interesting to read Misti's and Diane's perspectives on doing things "backwards" et al. I think that is something that has changed for the better with time -- women have much more of an opportunity to live and figure themselves out before marrying for the first time. I was in a serious living-together relationship from 18 to 20, which was almost a marriage in many ways, and taught me a TON. I know it would have been much harder to do that in times past.
Similarly, when I met my husband, we lived together with no expectation that we would get married -- just 'cause we wanted to, now. My hubby's parents are super conservative (we always say he was raised in the 50's even though he's 34) and they liked me a lot but wouldn't come visit us, on principle. They were SO relieved when we finally got engaged, several years on.
I definitely feel like I was my own person before I met my husband (at age 21), and even more my own person before I had my daughter (at age 29). That was by design, but I am grateful to live in a time where that is culturally permissable.
At this point, the only thoughts I have of any ex's, are sexual...anything more than that would be dwelling on the past, which is a definite negative. I'm too much of a "foward thinker," and would rather focus on the present, and future(meeting more attractive+exciting females). They lost ME, not vice-versa...NEXT!
Ya know, Lay' chips are nice for a while, but then you find ...
WHOA! Massive thunderbolt. Did you do that? Seriously, gonna shut down the computer. Bye.
Am I the Only One?
Well -- I guess you're not the only one. My ex and I divorced two years ago after 35 years of marriage. Had a great time and stored away a lot of fantastic memories. Haven't been on a date other than her since 1964. We're still friends but I don't delude myself that we'll get together again. Many friends and family continue to ask about her and I know they think that's the reason I haven't found or looked for a replacement.
Anyway, my first and only other love from the teens recently popped into my thoughts. The theme from "A Summer Place" will always call up a vision of her. But the vision is her then and not now. Maureen is no longer my Mavourneen but a grown woman who I'm sure would laugh at the thought. I have no wish to chase a dream which I feel has little or no chance for fruition. The memories will do and I'll always have that soft spot of her left intact.
Welcome, bobsmyth. 35 years? That is a long time. I can imagine it is hard for family and friends to get used to you being separated.
Diane, Misti and Rae - thank you! It is exactly what I am feeling with BigDice. We are indepent personalities yet we love each other very much and I guess we just belong together.
