Walked in on...

Yep. I got caught once too. You are overreacting. The only thing he did wrong was getting caught. If you can't deal with it rationally, then you'd better pretend it didn't happen. When it comes to masturbation; there are men who do and men who lie. That's it. Sorry.

The vast majority of men do not see this as cheating.

For a man, pornography and masturbation are completely different than an affair. They don't mean anything emotionally and the don't need to have any effect on your relationship.

The women in pornography are pure fantasy. There is no chance of your husband meeting these women and most men feel "safe" because of this. There is no emotional attachment and no real woman involved.

I believe (and with good reason) that the vast majority of married men use pornography at least occasionally. Most men feel they have a sexual need that is separate from an intimate relationship. I have found that often men desire sexual activity more than their partners. Masturbation may be the best solution to meet the needs of both.

I feel it is helpful to speak to your partner about these things. Part of the problem is a misunderstanding of each others expectations and standards.

But to me there is a very big difference between having an affair with a real person, and indulging in fantasy.

What's the big deal? Like Bill said, there are guys who masturbate, and guys who lie about it. You are definitely overreacting. I'm sure you'll have a bunch of women on this thread trying to analyze why he felt the need to do this and how there's something missing in your relationship and a whole bunch of other Oprah Winfrey crap, but trust me, we do it cuz we can, and there's nothing more to it.

o.c.: No one will ever accuse you of being overly sensitive.

k.c.: Well...I already knew about you. *L*

I think the folk who have already posted are right, Shell04 - I do not think you can try to make a marital contract exclude fantasy!

Caprice, yeah, I don't hide it very well, do I.

There's nothing wrong with masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

You love your hand?

Try a hand puppet...see if that works for ya. *LOL*

Even if you're the only one who does....

Welcome Shell, hope you like it here.
Yes, you are over reacting. It's completely normal. I'd venture to say it wouldn't do you any harm actually look at it, and see it for what it's worth. It might inspire you.
Seriously, it may open up new levels of ......... communication.

My mistake, double post.

Caprice: did you miss this part?

Hmmmm - a post hoc fiddle factor, Bill? Lol...

Like certain parts of the male anatomy I have seen in my lifetime, it was so small as to be almost unobservable, but I did notice it nevertheless.

OK, I'll try to remember to disclaim my utter lack of sensitivity from now on... now if you'll excuse me; it's late and I gotta go rub one off. :wink:

Shell04 - Welcome to A2K!

I think, that like everything else, it is a matter of degree. If a man masturbates, and reads porn from time to time, I see no problem. If he needs to do this compulsively, or as a substitute for intimacy with his wife or lover, there IS a problem.

Shell04- Do you consider your sex life satisfactory?
Does your husband seem to want sex more than you?

Once again, phoenix, hits the nail on the head.

I agree with Phoenix as well.

I remember on the Simpsons when Principal Skinner was in his room looking at his computer screen and you hear his mom shout at him, "Seimore, are you looking at naked ladies?!!"

Seimore, "No, mother."

His mom, "You sissy!"

If you were home when he was doing this... why didn't he ask you to have sex instead?

Just a thought.

if it keeps in him your bed instead of in someone elses..go with it I think (join him...if you watch him get that first 'one' out of the way, then it'll be on withyou two I think!)

in agreement w/ what phoenix said: if you were home, and he chose to handle it himself, does he have a problem getting it from you (at all?)

I'll tell you, when I'm sleep, I'm virtually un-wakeable, so on those occassions when business wasn't handled before I dozed off, I know my husband does his thing w/o me...but to me that's not a problem.

If he was doing it while I was awake and not inviting me, that's an issue that needs dealing with.

have you any idea why that might have been?