Ohio student gets stalking order against parents....

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Yesterday, Tsarstephan posted a link to this story in an old thread:

Quote:

A 21-year-old college student has convinced a Cincinnati court to grant her a stalking order against her parents whom she claims have been following her around and monitoring her every move since she left home.

According to Aubrey Ireland, a music theater major at the College-Conservatory of Music, her parents, David and Julie, would regularly drive 600 miles from Leawood, Kansas, to Ohio to make unannounced drop-ins at her school.

They became over-involved in every facet of her life, Ireland told the court, going so far as to "inform" the head of her department that she suffered from serious mental issues.

Ireland says her parents accused her of drug use and "promiscuity," and even installed keylogging software on her computer and cellphone to keep tabs on her social life.

At one point Ireland decided to break off all contact with her parents, to which they responded by cutting off her college tuition.

The school sided with Ireland — a Dean's List student and the star of many department performances — and agreed to fund her senior year with a scholarship. The administration even hired security guards to ensure that Ireland's parents were blocked from attending her shows.

After an initial attempt to settle the case failed, Judge Jody Luebbers of the Common Pleas Court dismissed the Irelands' claim that their daughter was lying and ordered them to stay 500 feet away from her at all times and make no attempt to initiate contact before Sept. 23, 2013.

Aubrey is scheduled to graduate this spring.

My first reaction, as I posted on tsar's thread, was that these parents need to get a hobby.

But something about this story kept bothering me and I kept turning it over and over in my mind when it finally came to me --

Would the court's reaction be the same if this had been a young man whose parents were insisting that he was mentally ill, addicted to drugs, having problems, etc.?

Following all the mass murders there are always article saying how if a parent suspects their child might be suffering from mental illness that they have an obligation to report it.

(I'm not saying she is but) what if this young woman is mentally ill or somehow involved in doing harm to others? What if her parents are right?

Where do we draw the line between hysterical helicopter parents and concerned parents trying to warn others about questionable behavior?

Do you think boys and girls are judged differently? Should they be?

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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 899 • Replies: 11

[+4] - engineer - 12/28/2012I think the parental actions described would not have happened to a man. A fair number of cultures think it is ok for parents to control their daughters, obsess about their sexuality, limit their...

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

Do you think boys and girls are judged differently?

Yes, usually boys are judged less harshly, to be brushed off with some comment similar to "they are just being boys."

boomerang wrote:

Should they be?

It depends on what type of parent you want to be.

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

Quote:
The school sided with Ireland — a Dean's List student and the star of many department performances — and agreed to fund her senior year with a scholarship. The administration even hired security guards to ensure that Ireland's parents were blocked from attending her shows.

After an initial attempt to settle the case failed, Judge Jody Luebbers of the Common Pleas Court dismissed the Irelands' claim that their daughter was lying and ordered them to stay 500 feet away from her at all times and make no attempt to initiate contact before Sept. 23, 2013.

Following all the mass murders there are always article saying how if a parent suspects their child might be suffering from mental illness that they have an obligation to report it.

(I'm not saying she is but) what if this young woman is mentally ill or somehow involved in doing harm to others? What if her parents are right?

Where do we draw the line between hysterical helicopter parents and concerned parents trying to warn others about questionable behavior?

her parents reported it - the school appears to have investigated and ended up hiring guards to keep them away from her shows. The courts looked into it and sided with her.

It looks (to me) like the line was drawn in this case - and the verdict was that the parents were wrong.

I'm not sure I'd consider them helicopter parents - the term means something very specific to me - has to do with trying to get undeserved benefits for their children AND not allowing their children to experience life without a net.

Accusing a child of mental health concerns/drug use/promiscuity is not helicoptering by my understanding of the term helicoptering. Ms. Ireland's parents are the opposite of helicopter parents.

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@boomerang,

And Aubrey was her name
A not so very ordinary girl or name
But who's to blame?

For a love that wouldn't bloom
For the hearts that never played in tune
Like a lovely melody that everyone can sing
Take away the words that rhyme, it doesn't mean a thing

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@ehBeth,

I'm sure there was some sort of investigation and this case fell as it should have.

But I'm playing let's pretend.

I mean, the Batman shooter was by all accounts a good student, he'd been admitted into a PhD program. An investigation by the school might not have led them to anything significant.

What if a young woman like this one was, say, producing child pornography and that's why her parents were so concerned -- that's why they were monitoring her computer and phone, ect., that's why they'd show up unannounced. What if an investigation didn't turn up anything?

I think we'd be more inclined to brush off the parents as crazy if the person in question was a girl than if they were a boy.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

The real question here is what control do parents have when their 21 year old "child" is still being fully supported.
What do you think?
If parents paying for education and living expenses do they have the right to invade the privacy of their daughter?

She sure didn't seem to mind them paying her expenses.

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

I'm not sure I'd consider them helicopter parents - the term means something very specific to me - has to do with trying to get undeserved benefits for their children AND not allowing their children to experience life without a net.

Accusing a child of mental health concerns/drug use/promiscuity is not helicoptering by my understanding of the term helicoptering. Ms. Ireland's parents are the opposite of helicopter parents.

Beth:

Quote:

and yes - it would be useful if you occasionally confirmed information instead of just speaking out of some random orifice

http://able2know.org/topic/203766-123#post-5209894

Quote:

Helicopter parent is a colloquial term for a parent who pays extremely close attention to their child's or children's experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_Parents

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@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

I think we'd be more inclined to brush off the parents as crazy if the person in question was a girl than if they were a boy.

No, such generalization is wrong, even in light of recent events.
With her case, I can only imagine that her parent's house to be like a museum. It's very immaculate, climate controlled, and you're not allowed to touch anything. They probably have slippers for guests, so there won't be any dirt on the carpets, with plastic on the furniture and absolutely no alcohol in the house. What a miserable existence.
Overbearing, overprotective and possessive parents. Your parents are your caregivers, but not supposed to stifle and strangle you. You have to cut the cords at some point and this goes from both ends.

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@Val Killmore,

That is a huge pile of speculation....

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@boomerang,

I think the parental actions described would not have happened to a man. A fair number of cultures think it is ok for parents to control their daughters, obsess about their sexuality, limit their independence, etc. Just about every culture expects a man to strike out on his own at an early age. As for the validity of the claims, we really didn't get a lot of the story here, but there doesn't seem to be any claim that the woman was accused of doing anything at all dangerous to the public. From the very limited information here it seems like the response would have been the same regardless of the gender of the victim.

1 Reply

@engineer,

That's a good point about how expectations differ. Good food for thought.

I'm really just using this story as a launching point about a broader idea. This woman seems perfectly lovely. I'm asking "what if..."

Maybe I should have used Brenda Spencer as my jumping off point.

If her parents had reported "Something is wrong with Brenda, I think she's going to start shooting kids" would people have taken the warning as seriously?

1 Reply

@boomerang,

Quote:

If her parents had reported "Something is wrong with Brenda, I think she's going to start shooting kids" would people have taken the warning as seriously?

Hopefully not with out something to back such a claim up and that does not appear to be the case with the student in the story.

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Ohio student gets stalking order against parents....

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