Father Holds 2 yr Old Daughter Down to Get Her to Sleep

Reply Wed 17 Dec, 2014 01:45 am
My Granddaughter's is 2 years old and she is a sweet loving child. However, it is very difficult to get her to stay in bed and get her to sleep at night. Her father has resorted to holding her down so that she cannot move. My wife first told me about this she said she heard our granddaughter cry for some time until she finally fell asleep. However, tonight when she was held down she said she heard our granddaughter grunting and struggling to get free. I feel holding her down like this is a form of child abuse and I think it could lead to bad things for our granddaughter. Any comments or advice which would be helpful would be greatly appreciated.
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Reply Wed 17 Dec, 2014 07:01 am
Egad. Way to get her scared to sleep, Dad.

Not you - I mean the child's father.

Does your granddaughter ever stay with you overnight? Then try an experiment. See if you can get her to sleep without resorting to such tactics. I bet less sugar in the evenings and a lot of physical activity will do it or will mainly do it. Car rides are also lulling to a lot of young children.

If this all works, then share your insights with your daughter and her husband. Maybe they're just at their wit's ends and have run out of ideas.

If this kind of 'treatment' persists then I suspect it's time to be more proactive. Explain, like I said, that this is essentially turning sleep time into a battle. What a terrible thing to be in the back of your granddaughter's mind every time she wants/needs to rest. Feel your daughter out - is this it? Or is your son-in-law doing other inappropriate things while parenting?

Of course, if your granddaughter is being physically injured, then don't pass go, and don't collect $200 - just go nuclear. Not great for the relationship dynamic, to be sure, but if the child is in danger then it's a whole other story.

I hope it's just ignorant parenting and not abuse. Good on you and your wife for being so observant. You can be an advocate for this child.
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Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2015 08:01 am
Latest conventional wisdom is to not let crying babies cry themselves out and to go to them. This is one of those things they all warn parents about in the context of 'well if you want kids to grow up to become psychopaths let em cry' Smile Asking my Mom about it, she reports I was held, as was my younger brother.

Holding a kid down? Never heard of that but sounds like an excellent way to raise someone who's FUBAR. Sounds like the dad's utterly clueless about childrearing and near the end of his rope. I'd get him out of the equaiton. Is a reason mothers raise children instead of fathers.
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Reply Mon 24 Aug, 2015 10:36 am
The crying and getting out of bed is normal around 2 -3 years old. They're not in a crib any more. I used a baby gate on my son's bedroom door, left the door open, made sure to tire him out with activity and then let him cry it out. It only took a week tops to figure out I meant it when I said it was bed time. He turned out fine.

But holding a kid down physically? Yeesh! Not only is it going to scare the kid, it IS physical aggression. It will only result in the kid growing up thinking its normal for people who claim they love and care for them to be physically aggressive and that when told to do something, the person doesn't mean it until they are aggressively and physically forcing them to do it.
It's just like saying no to your kid only to cave and say yes when they whine and beg. All you're teaching them is to beg and whine. This kid's parents will find their kid not listening till they turn scary about it.
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