My wife's ex-husband is coming to visit us.

very much in agreement with CoastalRat

It seems a lot of people are reading more into this than there is.

I do not think it is over reacting to take time off to be at home when any guest is visiting your home, let alone an ex-husband. I see your concern about the heavy sleeping of your wife and wanting to be there in case this guy does something stupid. I don't see how that has been interpreted to mean you don't trust your wife.

I can't imagine the ex would be so stupid as to try to rape your wife in your house while he was a guest and with his children upstairs, but if you are uncomfortable about it your wife should be understanding.

I think it is "crazy" too, but I also think he is trying to be reasonable - which may be reasonable at this point, but also maybe not.
I don't really care who pays for the hotel room.

Which brings up the matter of him having a hotel room doesn't mean he won't visit.

So I probably think our poster should take the time off.

This is - I hope - extreme caution that is not needed, but that's my revised take.
And I make it a given he trusts his wife, that's me from here. He could trust wrongly. I'm thinking not wrongly, but I don't know.

Adds, agreeing with Aldistar.


Previously undisclosed bias on my part - I prefer, almost all of the time, to have my own motel/hotel room on visits. Not always, but it is generally sane-making.

Taking the trust aside.

Respect. I would never have my ex-husband stay at my house, if my now husband was working and could not be there of a night time.. I would find that disrespectul of any man being alone with me at night, whilst my husband was not at home, unless it was a family member.

I also understand your wifes stance. The last thing she wants to hear is, " I want to take leave, I don't trust him".. Because you are in-advertently stating that you don't trust her either, regardless that she is a heavy sleeper.

It is also not un-common, for a "husband" to "try" to have sexual relations with his wife when he feels like doing so, it's his wife. I imagine the first time as she slept through it ( you should laugh because that means he did not wake her up if you get what I mean), that he may have taken advantage of that fact. But, the fact of the matter is, I am sure he can get sex if he wants to elsewhere. I am sure he respects that she has re-married. And, most guys are decent enough not to even consider something so "sinister" because that is what it is right?

I would be approaching your wife on a different note.

I would be backing her up and telling her that you were thinking of her, protecting her, but realised that surely her ex could not be that "sinister" evil.
Then I would say to her, it's also about respect. Just think. If I had been married before and you were working night shifts and my ex-wife stayed here for 4 days and lets even say she still loved me.. Would you find it wrong for me to let her stay here? Or, find alternative accomodation and off course, let her see the children as much as she wanted over that period of time . Another woman in "our" house every night and you weren't here?

In my opinion, the set up arranged was the wrong one but I also think that you have over reacted and have made your wife feel horrible .

Personally, having an ex stay at your house does not sound appropriate to me, on general principles. I agree with the folks who suggested that he stay at a hotel. And HE should pay. It is not your obligation to pay for his accommodations. Why can't the kids stay with him at the hotel, at least part of the time?

True, but would most guys expect to lodge with an ex-wife whether she's married or not? My thinking is that if this guy is that exceptional in one regard, he may be exceptional in others.

replying to self with further thought -

People don't only have sex at night. We/they even have it when other people are somewhere nearby, quietly. Me, I'm zeroing in on the night time thing as it might or might not relate to a person I don't have a clue about.

More has been posted since I last read..



In any case, if you do take off from work, shut up about it. The father may be a good person and looking forward to this visit very much.

It really is a pet peeve of mine when people post things, others give their input and the OP doesn't come back. I'm done with this until Mr. shows up again.

You mean, you feel like you've been set up?

My ex came to visit me in my new place, some years after our divorce. I'd a couple of years earlier recommended him for a loan on some form, which I know was for the diamond (or whatever) for the new wife. Took us a while, but we are friends over time. He got to sleep in the Murphy Bed. I see him when I am in Los Angeles.
Nothing sinister or sexy. I assume he reassured his new wife. She was right to not worry. And I doubt he would make fun of me. Might explain real problems.
We have family in common and history in common.

I don't know what it is, Rog... not set up so much as used. Post your problem, we all take time and effort, then take it and bugger off. Not saying this about this guy in particular, but it happens, and where is he?

Probably off worrying.

True..

My Mother always warned me about giving a guy an inch, he will take a yard!

The OP answered on the 20th, it's the 21st where I live Maybe, he's working? Late shift

He ran off with her ex-hubby. They're sunning themselves and chuckling at us all in Acapulco!

Give a woman an inch - and she'll make off with it.

So There!

An itch?