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its either be done or be in

 
 
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 09:16 am
the girl I been posting about was and is having problems with her current boyfriend. she says he's controlling, mean and not making her happy. she crys,he won't let her have friends, and he just is not a guy. she said she's still with him because she's comfortable with him but not happy. I don't wanna come between her and him but she has feelings for me and she stressing out about it, like be with me? will I change how I am and become mean? should she remain with him or try with me? I think she should wait longer....I don't want her thinking i will change. I was raised treat the girls with respect. if anything I will just be thinking what I need to do yo become a better guy from what I am. you can say that I'm guy who never gets a girl when they going through this...so I will let her choose but I will not wait...im looking for another girl that hahaha. honest opinions please
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 924 • Replies: 11
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 09:23 am
@cornelljdav,
Anyone in a relationship where "he won't let her have friends" (are you sure that's all friends, or just male friends, BTW?), well, that's just a big ole red flag. Isolation is often (not always) a prelude to abuse or proto-abuse.

HOWEVER (and I'm shouting that so that maybe you'll actually read the remainder of this post), you have an agenda - to have her for yourself. Perhaps you are seeing/hearing what you want to hear. And, even if your observations are accurate, and even if she really does need an intervention, you would be doing it for selfish reasons.

Therefore, talk to a female friend of hers. Is this friend seeing the same pattern? Is there truly something to be concerned about? If there is, then suggest to the female friend to talk to her. Not in a "hey, you guys need to break up ASAP" manner. Instead, more along the lines of "we miss you and are your friends and want to see you" manner. There are men who are not abusive jerks but who are still in the "mine mine mine" zone. He might be one of those and, if he sees he is not threatened by her friends, he'll slack off.

But he has reasons to feel threatened by you, because you have an agenda.

See how that works?

Oh, and understand something. People who we desire who are in relationships with others aren't always in a bad way. Even if that relationship seems less than ideal from the outside, understand that you are looking at it with your own attitude, your own glasses on. Things may be better than you believe. In real life, rarely are things that black and white and obvious.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 09:48 am
@jespah,
all friends. he don't want her going out or anything to with other people. I did talk to her female friend. her friend the one who told me all of this last night. she said the girl I like texted her and said she loved talking to me and she miss me. me and the stopped talking for like 3 months because she told my friend s she ain't like me when she did she just ain't want them to know she did. he don't even know me and I don't know him.....how can you be threaten of a guy you don't know? thanks for reply it was VERY helpful and gave me a even more understanding of this whole thing.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 10:22 am
@cornelljdav,
If she's being isolated from everyone, then it's a serious issue. I forget - are you all in school? If you are, then talk to someone in authority. They can't necessarily do much, but the more people who observe this, the better.
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 11:41 am
@jespah,
nah she in college though but I just work with her and her friend that told me.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:29 pm
Unless you hear this right from her mouth, it's all gossip.

Ask this girl for coffee after work and find out what's going on. She may just be having a rough time with her BF at this time.

Make sure you are seeing this situation as it is, not what you'd like it to be. She may just need a friend to talk to.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:33 pm
@cornelljdav,
Stay out of the gossip loop. You keep saying that the woman did or said something but you're only repeating what someone else has said. You have absolutely no idea of the truth of it.

Let her friends deal with her/talk to her.

Move on with your own live and stop listening to/encouraging gossip.

ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:34 pm
@cornelljdav,
cornelljdav wrote:
her friend the one who told me all of this last night. she said the girl

<blah blah gossip gossip blah blah>

gave me a even more understanding of this whole thing.


You have no understanding of what's going on based on the steady diet of gossip you seem to be living on.

0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:36 pm
@cornelljdav,
cornelljdav wrote:
she says he's controlling, mean and not making her happy.


no she doesn't.

her "friend" is saying these things.

If it is true, her friend should be assisting her in dealing with this. Tell her friend you don't want to hear anymore of this second-hand reporting. Her friend can find someone else to gossip to while you move on with your life.
0 Replies
 
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:37 pm
@PUNKEY,
so even though she tells one person this its stil gossip? she afraid to talk to me about how she feels about me and her Bf well she never speaks to me about him. she will prolly turn down that going out after work me because her Bf don't want her hanging no other people but him
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:38 pm
@cornelljdav,
cornelljdav wrote:

nah she in college though


if she is in college, she can reach out to instructors/counsellors at college

her friend should help her with that while you stay out of it
0 Replies
 
cornelljdav
 
  1  
Reply Sat 1 Dec, 2012 12:40 pm
@ehBeth,
your right....but I don't think her friend can help her...her friend kinda clueless with advice
0 Replies
 
 

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