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Thu 29 Nov, 2012 05:16 am
Hello everyone,
If I come here to ask you some questions, nowadays, I feel my relationship is getting different, and I suffer about it.
Let me tell you the all story for a better understanding.
It has been 7 months since I am with my girlfriend and we've met each other in San Francisco. She is Korean and I am a French man. We were both studying english abroad and I left her begining of September to keep going to study. I am currently in Korea (since the end of September) to learn Korean, she is still over there and she will come back in Korea middle of the next January. At the begining when I left her to go to Korea, we were texting each other everyday with many love in our texts. Then, since 2 or 3 weeks she has started to reduce the number of text sent every day and I have almost stopped to feel her love in her texts. Moreover she seems being tired more and more earlier everynight (8pm) and tell me that she is going to sleep.
Actually I don't know her new friends that she has made since I have left her and am worried about what she does.
I came here because I really love her and I don't want to loose her, I really need your answers.
Does someone had already lived this kind of situation ?
Should I be worried about it ?
Should I ask her some embarassing questions at the risk to loose her ?
Thanks to everyone who will take time to help me.
Ask her embarrassing questions? And you claim to love her?
Sheesh, way to make her not love you. It's game-playing and it's childish and, truly, passive-aggressive and nasty.
For the record, long-distance relationships stink on ice. They are bad all around. Their success rate is truly terrible. Often, one if not both persons pulls away.
Recognize that she may be seeing her friends rather than texting you. Or she may be working overtime. Or she may be sick, or clinically depressed. Any of those things could account for fatigue and less texting and not be threats to your relationship.
What's the cure?
Pick up the goddamned phone and call her, and ask!
Say something like - I'm worried about you. We don't talk like we used to. I care about you and want to be sure you are all right. Are you? And are we? If we aren't, what can I do to make things better?
Do not frame it as you being needy (huge turn-off). Frame it, instead, as your concern for her well-being.
You are concerned about her well-being, now, aren't you?
So ask, and see if you can rule other reasons out, and get them fixed. Changes in contact type and frequency do not necessarily spell doom for a long-distance relationship. You are right that they can be a red flag but they don't have to be.
So check.
But be emotionally prepared for the very real possibility that your instincts are correct, and she is pulling away from you.
Please look at the situation more clearly: you had a SEVEN MONTH relationship. You both are young and are seeing the world for the first time.
It is not fair for you to ask her to put her life on hold for you.
Be the bigger person here and let her know that even though you love her, you understand that she must live her life fully. When you can get back you can re-connect with her.
In the meantime, YOU need to live your life and experience things so you will be a wiser more mature person when you return.
She will not be the same person then - you won't be the same either.
@PUNKEY,
First of all I would like to thanks you both. You gave me the answers I even haven't suspected to.
You are right on the fact that we are far from each other and we have a different life due to this fact.
Actually she is 24 years old and I am 21, which means that she might be thinking about her future life : Getting married, having children, start her profesionnal life etc... (it is what I don't like about Korean culture "fast fast"). To say the true and as you said, we are still young and it is true that we might don't have the same priorities.
I will think positively and change the way I am texting her, in order to not bother her.
Truly, thank you.
@jespah,
Truly thanks for your precious help !
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