Should I call/text her or give her more time?

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met this girl who was in a 5 year relationship. she cheated on her boyfriend with me. for 2-3 months. then they broke up. we continued to be together and grew strong feelings for each other. her boyfriend was still around. begging her to come back many many times. she never wanted to hurt him so was always real nice. but eventualy she was fed up with it and decided to try to explain the situation to him. he was upset so he found a way to get into her phone. read all of our text messages found out that she has been with me way before they broke up and went crazy. bla bla bla she feels like complete **** for ruining his life. she feels " disgusting and disgracful" she feels bad for ruining his life and for hurting so many other people. she said that she was a cheater and a terrible person. i understand why she would feel that way so i told her in time she will feel better and that she should take time to be alone and think. its only been about 24 hours without talking and im thinking of calling her just to talk. so my question is should i just lay back and give her time or should i call? text maybe? i feel like if she hears my voice she would feel a little better. also do you think that when she is with me she'll continue to feel shitty and bad for what she has done? i dont want that feeling to over power what we feel, because what we feel for each other is a beautiful feeling.

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@yellowgreen,

I empathize with you on this develeopment in your relationship. This guy was devious and pressed her guilt button.

I think it would take a lot of self control to avoid some sort of contact at SOME point in time. I think only you can decide how long that break should be for you. This is not a rgiht answer...as it's what is right for you..and ultimately... for her.

If I were in your situation, and I couldn't resist being in touch in some way, I'd remind her of what was so right about your relationship with her and how much you mean to her.

Be supportive and don't put pressure on her in the message. She is a bit lost at the moment, and was being manipulated by his attack on her integrity. However, she has to find her way back on her own. If you must send her a message, perhaps waiting at least a week and then send a brief message. Do NOT put any pressutre on her, though. When this guy pryed into her phone messages, he was guilty of being invasive and he was shitty and should be ashamed as well.

She needs to recover and get her bearings and realize what is done is done and there's no sense wrecking a good relationship that has since developed between you two.

If she cheated, she did so because her needs weren't being met. It's time she figure out what she really wants and to go for it.

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@Ragman,

best answer i have recieved so far, from a few sites. thanks ragman! def helped.

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@yellowgreen,

I'm glad to be of some help. What you both have in front of you I don't envy. Patience and understanding are not virtues that are easy to come by. Forgiveness (self) included in there, too.

Also, she has to get her mind right as she did NOT ruin this guy's life and should not fall for the attempt to manipulate. It doesn't forgive that she cheated, but ... after 5 yrs, they weren't engaged (right?) and who knows what her justification was... but the water is under the bridge at this point.

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Of course you should talk to her. You were a part of the deception to her then-boyfriend, weren't you?

Shame on the two of you for not clearing it up with this guy BEFORE you got so involved.

What to do now? Nothing. Nothing will make things better between her and him.

Either she is happy for her decision or not. Maybe she's having regrets. If you want to keep her, comfort her and make sure things are OK between you two.

(Sorry I don't have any sympathy for you but I was also betrayed by a person who should have told me he had other "interests." The pain was awful and I still feel betrayed by him. He was seeing her at the same time continuing our relatiohship. He was a coward for not letting me know what was up. There is nothing he can say to me now to make any difference. I still think he's a jerk - liar and cheater. I have no idea how he feels about the past. )

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@Ragman,

well, i texted her. I said " hey, how are you feeling?" her response was " not good. my life is ruined. please dont text me. I need space " kinda made me feel like ****. how is her life ruined? they have been apart for 2 months now and just because he is upset she is with some one else her life is ruined? guess that shows she really still does have feelings for him. well of course she does, i feel it would be impossible to lose all feelings for some one you have been with for 5 years. oh well i guess the ball is in her court now.

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@yellowgreen,

Quote:

i understand why she would feel that way so i told her in time she will feel better and that she should take time to be alone and think. its only been about 24 hours without talking and im thinking of calling her just to talk.

Why would you bother advising her that she should take time to be alone and think and then not allow her the respect of giving her that time to be alone and think?

Was your advice really that hollow?

1 Reply

@Butrflynet,

wow, you're right. didnt even realize what i did. Sad

1 Reply

@yellowgreen,

Also when you wrote about your problem you asked for advice here, but then went ahead and did what you felt like doing anyhow.
(Shrugs shoulders)

1 Reply

@Ragman,

lol wow guys way to make me feel worse. i dont know! i took advice from most of the answers and i thought maybe saying that was a good idea. i now see that it wasnt. im really doubting this relationship. i feel like when she does spend time with me it will just remind her of what she did.

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@yellowgreen,

You seemed to be looking for a certain answer but ignoring the rest of what was written. Reading more closely - what I said was to give her some time and take a break and when you did send a message (after a period of time) be understanding and supportive and let her clear her head a bit.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

answers from multiple sites* but you are right, i was gonna send that then decided to see what the internet had to say. but you guys are right. thanks for all the advice.

2 Replies

@yellowgreen,

Why thank us for advice that you didn't follow? (you proceded and texted her).

1 Reply

@Ragman,

damn dude. ok then. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME. ...

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@yellowgreen,

You have to understand, what you "think" you have is beautiful. To you.

This girl has been with the other guy for (5) years. That's a long time. If she sincerely felt something magical with you, no amount of guilt would make her tell you to go away as that is what she is doing.. Rebounds go like that, ultimately, she is still in love with her boyfriend of 5 years.

Not to be rude but you crossed the boundry big time, by entering her life (it takes two), knowing that she had a boyfriend. You can't win in situations like that. Next time sit back, be a friend, be patient and wait for her to leave.

All you've done is come between two people, that have not had that closure yet, to end their relationship... If he forgives her, all you have done is pushed them back to gether. I suspect, he will never forget and their relationship is doomed in the future...

Take note that you played a part in that loss.

And, please consider, what is not yours is not yours until it becomes yours.....

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@yellowgreen,

Coming from a girls point of view! *Me*
Well, if I was her an in such a situation...
After being with a guy for 5 years, then cheating on him and us end up breaking up, i'd feel HORRIBLE to. And would NOT want to be bothered by the guy I cheated on my boyfriend with.
Due to the fact, I would feel as if you had ruined everything I had.
And in the mean time i'd try to make things right with the guy I had been with for 5 years.. Clearly the guy I loved.!!
Think about it!!!!
Just leave her be, if she wants to talk with you ......
Trust me, she will come to you !

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Should I call/text her or give her more time?

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