An ex girlfriend messages me after almost a year wanting to be friends...?

Reply Tue 20 Nov, 2012 03:39 am
About a year ago my college girlfriend broke up with me after attempting long distance for several months after school. I moved to another state for a job and she still had a year of school left. The plan was that she was going to move in with me after college and there was never any doubt in that. Halfway through the year out of no where she dumped me and said she loved me but couldn't from home, that it wasn't in the cards for her to move and all the usual things girls say to let you down easy. A few weeks prior everything was fine, and less than 2 months later she was dating a new guy...a new "friend" she acquired toward the end of our relationship, but I know she did not cheat on me. I was pretty torn up about it and she knew that, but kept asking to be friends. I just ignored her and didn't talk to her. It has been about a year now, and she is still with that guy. I have casually dated/hung out with a few girls since, but I am single. This past week she emailed me congratulating me on a recent achievement of mine. It was a few sentences about how I deserved to be where I am, and how shes positive I am enjoying where I am at. She said that she wasn't sure if I would reply, but that she wanted to say congrats and that she would like in time to be friends again. I was really surprised, and wasn't sure what to say. I knew she was still with her boyfriend so I don't really understand why she would message me..given the circumstances of our break up. I replied after a week or so and just kept it casual and asked how her family was, that I hope she is happy after graduation and that I am doing well. I said if you ever need anything you know my number and I am here for you. She replied a very short "That is awesome great to hear you are happy, my family is doing well and you know I am here for you too" - I paraphrased but it was along those lines. It seems so random that she would message me without a real reason, its not like she kept the conversation going or asked me anything in particular. I don't know if I should keep contact with her while she has a boyfriend nor do I want to. I don't think I am going to reply to the last message. I am not friends with her on Facebook, I would rather not see her pictures with her boyfriend, nor do I really want to be close friends, it wont ever really be enough for me if I kept talking to her... I know I would want more. I don't want to keep a friendship hoping it would eventually turn into something, but I also don't want to write her off completely or close that door, I had felt bad about doing that for those many months. I have been over it for some time and haven't thought about her for months. Her messaging me just brought back a lot of these old feelings. What do you guys think?
Reply Tue 20 Nov, 2012 08:54 am
I think you're correct to not pursue/escalate it.

As for her motivations, who knows? People do stuff like that all the time. Sometimes it means - I'm bored with my current life and want to shake it up. Sometimes it means - I'm nasty and want to continue kicking my ex while s/he's down, even though it was long over, by making sure they are still single. Sometimes it means - I'm writing to be nice and I'm too dumb or self-centered to realize that it has implications beyond just saying hello. Sometimes it means - I want to make sure this person I used to care about is okay. And sometimes it's more or less random.

Select whichever reason works the best for you at any given time or, hell, pick 'em all and rotate 'em.

And learn that the reason does not matter. You were contacted. I think you handled it extraordinarily graciously.

Now let it go.
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Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2013 11:16 pm
Well.. rebuilding your friendship again with your past girlfriend is not that bad. Maybe she is just making ways to make you feel comfortable about your past breakups.
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Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2013 03:08 pm
What I think is that she saw your "achievement" and wanted to congratulate you - period.

You are reading too much into it. The reality is that she didn't start up a romance with you, she just touched base with you.

That meant more to her than to you. Otherwise she would have been more aggressive in her contact.

Sorry, but you need to fill your needs with an available girl. She probably will always be the "one that got away."
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Reply Tue 5 Feb, 2013 03:13 am
Here it is nikka, Da TRUTH.

She left you because she found this other man that she wanted to start a relationship with. She became intimate with him either shortly before/after ending things with you. As we live in the modern age where everyone fux first, dates later, they didn't actually become a "couple" till a few months after the break up with you.

Now, some time has gone by and she is wanting to lay some bridges. She messaged you, but who else? Possibly a few. Does she want to start things back up with you? She is open to the idea and making sure that the possibility of it is in the cards.

Your choices:

A: Play cool, run your game and maybe get her back. Or, maybe she won't be interested in what you are offering once she is reminded of who you are.

B: Ignore her, why bother with such a manipulative woman? If you blow her off, you basically just put her on pause. That is, if at some later point you decide that you want to go for option A, the opportunity will still be there.

So, my advice is for you to decide what you want. Are you better than you were then? The things that you have that this new guy doesn't, have they grown? She is thinking of you as an exaggerated contrast to this new fellow. All the things that she likes about you had better be definitely there if you are to pursue having her.


Wemenz always talkin bout what men do but aint nobody be talkin bout what wemenz do.... atleast till now
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