14 year boy AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!

Forums: Parenting And Childcare
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Ok i know most all teens are disrespectful, demanding, don't listen back talk. Don't do as they are ask or told to do. BUT I am fighting with my husband day in and day out about his behavior. (keep in mind he is neither of ours biological child but my husband has been in his life since he was 6 month's old) His mother kicked him out and he is living with us.. This kids is so mean to me and my 4 year old when my husbands not around, as soon as he walks in the door he is a totaly a different kid. I let my husband know what is going on here, HE WILL ASK, but of course zach denies it and his side is takin, mean while I'm pissed. He don't ever see what i have to deal with,but i keep telling him and we fight till late in the morning,and solve nothing. I feel he is getting out of control. I am the only one who see's it too. But now it is affecting my 4 year old's behavior, I had a sweet, gentle, very polite child I always got compliments about my son. Now he is treating me the same. I would have it, I have wanted Zach to move out before christmas but agreed to let him finish the school year out. But my husband don't want him to go now, he thinks the problem is me and i'm making up things in my head or something?
We went to Zach's parent /teacher con. yesterday only to find out from 4 of his teachers he does the same to them as he does to me.... And had the nerve to TRIP his female teacher in the hallway, that same day, when the teacher brought it up to talk about he just laughed, she said and i did to it's not funny and wasn't funny.. He just sat there and laughed some more, I was so ashamed, pissed, disappointed, just aw......... Embarrassed

here is where i need help, because my husband hasn't seen this behavior before from him, he believes its just a faze and he will grow out of it, said nothing did nothing to Zach after ptc.. What do i do I'm going crazy, I dont want to make him choose between a child and his wife. But they wont go to counselling either, I feel i am by myself trying to make a family and protecting me and my son from it too......... ??????????? Confused

I hope this makes enough sence to get your advice on... Crying or Very sad

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 4,260 • Replies: 49

No top replies

Ouch. There will come a time when the kid is gonna need to be bailed out... don't do it immediately.

Step-mother gets the soggy end of the sandwich, as Mrs. SealPoet so often tells me.

Hang in there. As my ex used to say... 'someday they'll know...'

0 Replies

I am so tempted to tell you that the next time you are alone with the kid, just punch him right in the face as hard as you can, and then deny it when your husband hears about it.

That worked with a friend's dog I was having problems with, but I guess it doesn't work with people.

I'm sure the real advice-givers on this site will be able to help you out though.

I just got so pissed when I read this, I had to write something, to let you know I feel for ya. That little brat.

0 Replies

Sounds like the perfect situation to setup a video camera in the corner and let it run for a few hours. It's hard to deny what's been caught on tape. Sad

0 Replies

my advice also. Id set up a tape recorder with avoice actuated switch and just let it run while you and he are alone and ,,uh,, set up a "sting" ask him about the time he lied and why. Maybe hell spill it to you and you can show your husband. Remember, kids need to be shown a solid united front of parents. They cannot be allowed to drive a wedge. They are kids not the ruler. We once kicked our kid out the door and my wife packed his bag while I told him how disappointed we were. He was stunned and made pledges to do everything we could ever hope for. We laugh about it now, cuz he was 11 at the time and , of course we wouldnt toss him out,

0 Replies

Oh yeah, set up a camera or tape recorder.

And, I'd like to know, what does your husband think of what the teachers said? Hubby might have some odd reason for not believing you (which I think stinks, but that's my opinion), but what does he say in the face of statements from the boy's teachers? Have you received written school reports, either from teachers, the principal, the school psychologist or anyone of the sort about the boy's behavior? It's awfully hard to argue with that kind of proof. If it's from the school psychologist, it's even more to your benefit; after all, why would the school's own professional psychologist be trying to tell tales about the boy?

And, have you asked your husband (calmly, don't scream at him), what he'll do if Zach physically hurts you or your four-year-old? Will hubby become a believer if there are bruises? Broken limbs? The house is set on fire? When, exactly, does your word become credible to him?

I'm sorry if I stirred up a hornet's nest here, but if my husband was denying things I said to him - things that I insisted were real and were dangerous, I'd be awfully angry.

0 Replies

If they won't go for counselling get some yourself.
Not because I think you are the one who most needs it but you do need support and somebody to turn to on an ongoing basis.

0 Replies

This makes me wonder what people did in these situations before video cameras.

Probably punch the kid in the nose when nobody was looking.

0 Replies

Do you cook the meals? Stop. Also buy a big dog, but spend lots of time with it at the pet shop before you buy it, so it will like you more than it likes them, and if they are mean to you the dog will step in. Also I don't know if you have access to lasers, but I think they could be more effective than a camera. I mean a mild laser. Something just strong enough to blind him temporarily... like a few days or something.

0 Replies

SCoates wrote:

Also I don't know if you have access to lasers, but I think they could be more effective than a camera. I mean a mild laser. Something just strong enough to blind him temporarily... like a few days or something.

The idea was to get evidence on tape - not to mame the kid! Rolling Eyes

0 Replies

I said a MILD laser. It's not considered maiming if it goes away.

0 Replies

And the pain from a punch in the nose would go away too. This kid needs to be hurt, I say.

0 Replies

I disagree. Hurting him is what he seems to be "asking" for. It's as if he's doing whatever he can to push buttons and be nasty. I'm certainly no child psychologist/psychiatrist, but maybe part of it is an "I'll hurt you before you hurt me" situation? And by pitting euchrelover's husband against everyone else, he's creating even more drama. I dunno. Someone else who is more knowledgeable in this area will have to weigh in. But I do think it would be dangerous (nevermind illegal) to visit physical anger on this kid.

euchrelover, I agree with Eve in that you should go for counselling on your own. If nothing else, it might illustrate to your husband that this is a serious matter for you and, perhaps, he might rethink the situation. What does your husband say about your 4 year old's behaviour? Surely that should indicate something to your husband?

There's no doubt the kid needs counselling. It's got to be beyond frustrating for you to find your husband not being supportive. Zach is NOT going through a "phase". That much should be obvious to anyone. It's one thing for a two year old child to try to physically lash out and such as part of finding his way in the world, but a fourteen year old? He is exhibiting some dangerous behaviours. Tripping his teacher is a hateful action that in my mind borders on physical violence. Something like that is never okay. I'm really surprised over your hubby's attitude and the fact he would think it's something that will blow over. Some sort of teenage boot camp might do Zach some good.

I really feel for you euchrelover. I hope you can get some sort of resolution for yourself and for Zach.

0 Replies

SCoates wrote:

I said a MILD laser. It's not considered maiming if it goes away.

Yeah, be sure to use that line at your trial for wreckless endangerment and child abuse. I'm sure the judge will get a kick out of it. Rolling Eyes

0 Replies

Jeez, people, don't advise her to do anything illegal.

Does anyone here really want her to lose custody of the four-year-old???? Because that's exactly what'll happen if she harms Zach, even if he "deserves it".

0 Replies

euchrelover--

You have two problems--one with your stepson and the other with your husband. Further, problems are developing with your four year old.

Your house must be holding more tension and distrust than an Iraqi police station.

Arrange for counseling immediately. Ideally your husband will go along and eventually the kids will be involved. Obviously this is not an ideal world. If your husband doesn't want to face the fact that your family has major problems, go alone.

You are not asking your husband to choose between you and a needy child. You are telling your husband he must choose between you and a fantasy world.

My guess is that Zach is just the latest manifestation of marital non-compliance in the "forsaking all others", love-honor-and-cherish department.

Ask yourself: Has nagging changed anything to date? If not, stop nagging. Try something else.

Good luck.

0 Replies

Question - your husband is not his biological father. Is your husband his legal guardian or is this kid just crashing at your house because his own mother doesn't want to raise him?

This is very important to consider. Also, if there is any physical abuse by this boy, remember 2 things:

1. Slapping is not child abuse.
2. You can call the cops on a 14 year old for any physical violence.

0 Replies

Thank you all for your support, oh how i need it to regain my strength.

As far as touching him in anyway to get his attention, or to punish him i will not do, but would love to do it. the problem is his mother. I am deathly afraid of what she would do. Why i say that is she is a crack hor and very evil, i dont want my house caught on fire, or sugar in my gas tank, becuase im doing the same thing to him as she did, but im not his mom so i dont have the right in her eyes. She would do something to me, but it wont be a bitch fight she is to scared for that. That's why I dont hit him and wont.
To answer some questions; we got full costody of Zach, she didnt even show up to court to defend her side of why she did it. Zach's real father showed up after just getting out of jailand stated Zach needs to be with us because his mother does to much crack. Now she has no rights to him at all. But if Zach dont change i want to give her son and her rights back.

As far as my son's behavior, he dont put up with any, If I ask my son to do something and he dont do it , He is right there to make it happen, and that is what I want from him the united front. but with Zach complete opposite. say nothing does nothing,which just gives zach more power to treat me the way he wants to and do as he wants. I feel my husband feels its to late for Zach and he is trying harder with my son not to let him slip as Zach has. Confused

I am going to see someone at the end of the month, to hopefull get professional help for my sanity and get advice on how to help change them without them knowing? maybe if it's possible......

Anyway thank you all again... Oh im making him do lunch detetion with the princible for a week and he his writing a letter of opoligy to his teacher that has to be signed and returned, if he dont i will go to school and sit thru his classes till he has that teacher (which is 6th hour) to make sure she gets it, and he know's about it too, I hope he does right I DONT WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL LOL

0 Replies

That's not good. Threatening to go to school with him, and MAKING him apologize are going to make him like you less. Would you have liked that when you were his age?

0 Replies

Scoates, With all due respect, who cares about whether he likes her or not at this point? She needs to take control of the situation, not make him her best friend.

0 Replies

14 year boy AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know