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Need some feedback on my situation

 
 
armstro
 
Reply Mon 1 Oct, 2012 11:21 pm
So, I'm new to the forum, just made an account now because I was thinking about my life and situation right now. Basically, I am 19 years old, attending college, and have never so much as kissed a girl. Usually I'm fine with my situation, but I do find myself feeling lonely or left out because of it from time to time. I am in a respectable major, make money independently, bike and rock climb constantly, and I'm always told by women that I'm "such a nice guy". I go out of my way to please people, but I don't let people walk all over me. People trust me, tell me things about their past they don't let others know, ask them to help them manage clubs and accounts, and many times people assume I'm dating other friends of mine because of how comfortable I am around them. It seems to me that I'm just never "that guy" for anyone, I'm a great acquaintance, but never the guy who gets thought of for parties or dating. Does anyone have any feedback on where I may be going astray? (I also don't drink, do drugs, smoke, or anything that would (in my mind) deter a woman from being attracted to me.) Thanks for any feedback or advice [If possible, can you identify your gender in your response? I like to know where the feedback is coming from Smile)
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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 2,516 • Replies: 22
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daisyrogers830
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 12:30 am
@armstro,
I'm no expert but I think the problem is that there is no mystery in you. You will never be "the guy" for someone if you are stuck in a friend zone. They say you are such a nice guy and that's about it. Do something for a change like learn to say "no" sometimes. Don't go out of your way just to please everyone. Do it for someone who is special to you. Maybe she will notice that you treat her differently not like everybody else.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 12:39 am
@armstro,
Quote:
(I also don't drink, do drugs, smoke, or anything that would (in my mind) deter a woman from being attracted to me.)


wow, you are one confused mother-******....as we used to say in the old days you are duller than ditchwater with ZERO understanding of what females want. As Daisy hints at becoming more of an asshole would greatly increase the interest from the ladies, it would at least make you worth remembering.

alright, so I was once in your shoes. I grew out of it but not till my mid 20's when I learned the great life lesson "if what you are doing is not working then do something else, anything else if need be".
armstro
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 12:51 am
@hawkeye10,
I've gotten the advice to stop being "the nice guy" before, but im simply not going to be a dick to get some chick, because frankly i dont think ill like a girl whose so weak she gets off on people who feel the need to be dominant. I prefer to get my excitement from adrenalin adventures out doors than having to send my brain off kilter to feel better about life. I know that makes change harder, but I'd prefer to follow the hard road to find what works than do the same crap as everyone else.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 12:54 am
@armstro,
Quote:
I know that makes change harder, but I'd prefer to follow the hard road to find what works than do the same crap as everyone else.

hard headedness and misplaced pride are never a match for the wall in the long run.....

since you already know what you need to do then why are you bugging us with you questions?
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:07 am
@armstro,
Quote:
I'm a great acquaintance, but never the guy who gets thought of for parties or dating

translation

Quote:
people will tolerate me at a distance, but they dont want me to be too close to them


you think that you are hot ****, but no one else does.

who is right, is it you or is it everyone else?




hint: your massive arrogance is wholly misplaced.
armstro
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:11 am
@hawkeye10,
I'd like to start by saying that, based on your "advice" you suck as a human being. continuing though, I dont think i know what the answer is, I also dont think anyone else does, I'm here to listen and respond to peoples different opinions. I've never thought of myself as "hot ****", in fact I've always seen myself as someone lesser than those around me, but thanks for pretending to know a lot about me, helped a ton.
MontereyJack
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:19 am
Way to be a thouroughgoing asshole as usual, hawkeye.
Don't listen to him, armstro.
Join a climbing club, or mountain sports club, or trail riding club. Girls join them too. Spedn time with people who like the same things you do.
I hate the taste of alcohol too, then a couple years ago I discovered that a lot of clubs and bars, at least in New England, have started serving hard cider on draft or in bottles. Ask for Magner's, which is common, and is palatable. Try some music clubs, in a style you like, where there's a focus other than just standing alone.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:22 am
@armstro,
Quote:
I dont think i know what the answer is


bullshit, you said that you know what works and then you said that you refuse to do it out of pride.

you need to go out into the world and get dirty, to let the world and other people in, but you will not do it because of your idiotic quest to stay pure and thus better than the rest of us.

**** you.

when and if you become willing to lower yourself to the human race you will likely find people to help you, but for right now you are an offensive waste of time.
armstro
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:24 am
@MontereyJack,
I'm actually an officer and competitor for my colleges climbing club haha, I did meet a lot of great people through it, but I don't feel like any of them see me as a close friend despite how I feel about them, ya know? It's not really the taste of alcohol though, I had some bad experiences as a kid with some near-alcoholic type people, so I just decided a long time ago i didn't want to drink. i try to hide it from people though by using non-see though cups and such at parties so that it wont alienate me, no idea if it works though. thanks for the tips though!
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:26 am
@armstro,
Give it time; when you try to rush things because you let it monopolize your thinking, it only creates self-doubt that nobody else sees.

Relax; don't try so hard to please people. Be yourself.

0 Replies
 
armstro
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:27 am
@hawkeye10,
"to find what works". yup, thats the same as saying i know what works i guess. and again, you have no idea what I've done in my life, and just so you know you condescending ****, you're the fuckup that sounds like he thinks hes above the rest of the world and preaches about what he knows about the world.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:29 am
@MontereyJack,
Quote:
I hate the taste of alcohol too, then a couple years ago I discovered that a lot of clubs and bars, at least in New England, have started serving hard cider on draft or in bottles. Ask for Magner's,

you are wasting your time, he already said that he refuses to drink. but thanks for joining the gathering consensus that this asshole needs to drop the saint act.
armstro
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:30 am
@hawkeye10,
do you have a selective reading disorder?
0 Replies
 
MontereyJack
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 01:31 am
I notice that the "consensus" includes you and you alone, hawkeye. Not my definition of consensus.
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 02:44 am
@armstro,
Quote:
It's not really the taste of alcohol though, I had some bad experiences as a kid with some near-alcoholic type people, so I just decided a long time ago i didn't want to drink. i try to hide it from people though by using non-see though cups and such at parties so that it wont alienate me, no idea if it works though. thanks for the tips though!


Hmmm, so NOT drinking alcoholic drinks alienates people from other people now?
I'm not making any judgment- I'm just asking. I guess I felt a little pressure to at least try it when I was your age, but I never felt any pressure to make people think I was drinking when I wasn't. I've never been a particularly big drinker either. I don't mind a cold beer on a hot day, but no, I'm not one to stand around a bar and throw alcohol down my throat. Why should I if I don't want to?
Apart from all the other obvious drawbacks of drinking alot - it's expensive. Actually when I go to pubs now, I start on diet coke or even cups of hot tea after two pints, while all around me people are drinking the hard stuff and I don't even give it a thought, except to feel okay about what I'm doing because it's what I feel like doing.
But maybe that's because I'm a girl. Maybe there's a double standard for drinking as per males and females.
Maybe girls aren't supposed to get sloppy drunk, but males are allowed to - I don't know...
I do know that I have had men tell me they find it very attractive that I DON'T drink to excess and smoke, because many of the women they meet out and about do.
So I would think that there are probably women who feel the same way about men who don't drink to excess or smoke.

I guess I would just advise you to concentrate on what you like doing and be yourself and chances are you'll find someone who appreciates what you have to offer.
You sound like a nice person as you are, I wouldn't feel that I needed to pretend to drink if I were you.
But I would make it clear if you don't have a girlfriend and you are interested in someone as a girlfriend that despite the fact that it looks like you 'have it all' that actually you're not attached and if you find someone you like, ask her out.
That's the only way she'll definitely get the message.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 03:55 am
@hawkeye10,
Hawkeye he might wish to get lay a few times first before looking for a wife!!!!!

He can take the complain that he is view as a friend not as a possible mate out of the equation by going to the student union and approaching a young lady he never even seen before base only on her looks.

First tasks is to get her to go out with him and have some fun.


0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 09:06 pm
Arm - do you see certain females and want to get to know them more than just a friend? Then you are going to have to ACT like you want to be more than a friend.

You need to be more approachable.

Start flirting and being more aggressive in your actions.

You come off as aloof and really not interested in other people.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2012 10:05 pm
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
do you see certain females and want to get to know them more than just a friend?

it is highly unlikely that this dude has friends, though he may well think that he does.

Quote:
You come off as aloof and really not interested in other people
that is a highly charitable evaluation, another is that he comes off as a narcissistic prick, which most likely he is no matter what he thinks of himself.
0 Replies
 
maemandy
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Aug, 2013 07:46 pm
@armstro,
You hang in there Mr. nice guy. It will take you along ways, it may not seem like it @ this time, but you will see in the future. I have always been a people pleaser my whole life, people used to come to me about their problems, there ups & downs & it seemed as though I wasn't good enough to fit in, it used to depress me. My friends used to come to me & talk to me about all the fun they had & I tried to stay to act like it didn't bother me but it did, but as the years have gone, I seem to have came out on top. People respect me for who I am, I don't have to be a people pleaser anymore. You are not going astray. You just haven't found the right friends yet, they will come. Hang in there.
0 Replies
 
 

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