Sat 29 Sep, 2012 11:18 pm
I am 29, he is 38. We are both in relationships & we have a history. He stopped seeing me in January to date another woman, but now he has cheated on her with me, and we have decided to end it. But I feel like I should tell her because he says he is happy, that the relationship is normal, and that they are great toghether. She also has a daughter. Before they started dating him & I were sleeping toghether, so he stopped seeing me to date her, but he still would flirt and text me, & eventually I had contacted to her warn he would cheat on her but I wasn't interested. Well, a few months after that ordeal, despite me snitching on him & trusted me again and started flirting with me, and before I knew it we had slept together, 4 times. He told me he felt guilty because of her daughter and wanted to stop, so we have, but should I tell her about the affair? I feel guilty but also don't want to seem like I am trying to break them up. I know the affair was about sex, but I also don't why he did it. Since I warned her and then it actually happened I almost feel like she won't even break up with him if she did find out. I also must be honest and say that even though I do not really want to be with him, I am still jealous. That is what he claims is the reason who "won't ever be with me" I need major advice.
@gemini523,
walk away and grow up...
or stay, play games, and be small.
@gemini523,
gemini523 wrote: But I feel like I should tell her because he says he is happy,
that seems like a really messed up reason to consider telling her
Your description of things sounds like he has a relationship with her, and sex with you when he feels like it. Win/win for him.
Quote:should I tell her about the affair?
No. He should. He's in the relationship with her.
@gemini523,
their relationship is none of your business, the only way it could become your business is if one of them invite you in, for instance if she asks you directly if you are ******* him. even then telling her is not necessarily the right thing to do.
@ehBeth,
Quote:No. He should. He's in the relationship with her.
you dont know their deal...maybe it is "screw who ever you want, just make sure i dont find out about it".
@gemini523,
gemini523 wrote:... We are both in relationships ... I feel like I should tell her because he says he is happy...
There's a real festival of maturity right there.
News flash. This is an awesome situation. For him. Of course he's happy. He doesn't want to change a thing! He will never be with you. You are the piece on the side, nothing more.
Are you pregnant by him? Are the two of you sharing an STD? Then keep your mouth shut. What does your
boyfriend think about this fun stuff? Remember him? I am guessing that, even if he knows about all of these happy little bedroom games, he is likely not interested in making it all very public.
Do him a favor and tell him if you haven't already, and give him the opportunity to leave you for someone who won't do this to him. That is, if you have a mature bone anywhere in your body.
Gemini -
You are angry because 1) you got used 2) it didn't end the way you wanted it to.
I know it irks you that he cheats and does not have consequences, but just wait for the Karma. I'd bet a dollar that she does know and just waits for him to go thru his girls. You are probably just one of many for him.
@PUNKEY,
Don't lie to the woman trying to make her feel better....rouges very often get away with their behaviour, in large part because so many women love the bad boys. The human heart cares less for justice then most of our brains would like. See Britney Spear's video "Criminal" for instruction.
@gemini523,
so you redeemed yourself somewhat you repeated the same mistake? why?
anyway i would say tell her but that doesnt seem like it would make a difference, idk but from what i understand from what you wrote shes going to forget about it anyway so thats not the important part.
what you should think about is that he is clearly a scum bag with no morals so you will be better off by removing yourself from his life and just cutting him off
also keep in mind since he is that kind of guy hes probably going to ruin his daughters life "growing up with a cheating father and a mother living in denial" im sure you wouldnt want to be a part of that
just walk away and find yourself a healthy relationship or mess around with all the single guys you want
@gemini523,
May I ask your first name?
@ehBeth,
Is everyone on here retarded??! A man os cheating on his girl.. and a girl is asking if she should tell her?? Yes 100 percent if ur man was cheating on you you would expect someone to tell you.. woman need to stick together.. yall are ignorant!
@gemini523,
I am in a similar boat but shoe on other foot. I feel that she should know cause it hurts her regardless. In my situation I need to find a way to tell her that doesn't seem like it's directly from me. I also know that talking to her is my best option with getting him to see as I want to work on things. So...... in my mind would I appreciate it if this was me YES cause it would warn me. I also am very cautious when a child is involved. I would but thread with caution and be prepared for any outcome.
@f4ntasy774,
Yes, I `d agree, in most instances the warning likely outweighs the hurt. It also reduces the likelihood of the relationship being further undermined. Finding out can of course finish a relationship which would be far better continued, so the situation is as always perplexed, with considerable background information required in order for the best chance of making the right decision. Statistically speaking, sorry, I`m not sure.
Those that are immature enough to think points are likely also those that wish to "win", whatever that means on an advice forum? Whatever my opinion is on anything they`ll obviously wish to mark it down. Even my teenage friends are more mature, actually at opposite poles. This is why they are friends.
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