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Relationship Councilling

 
 
Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 05:14 am
My wife thinks its ok to lie, and use friends to cover up. the fact that she has being meeting other men friends in the evenings. Men, whom I do not know. I do not find this acceptable behavior do you agree or disagree? I would have no problem with her meeting male friends whom I know, but it is the fact that I do not know these males and that she has hidden it from me.
 
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Green Witch
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 05:28 am
@templebob,
Not acceptable as heard from your side of the story. Are you asking if counseling is a good idea? I doubt it. It sounds to me like your wife is already half out of the marriage and is looking for other options.
templebob
 
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 06:52 am
@Green Witch,
No I have found out that she has been seeing these other men, She agreed to counseling which we r in 4th session. This was her answer to the counselor last night. Unfortunately the counselor has to remain impartial and this has added to problem as she gave no opinion and was calming me down. My wife now thinks that by counselor not giving opinion, that the Councillor sees it as OK. I on the other hand think no husbands would tolerate such behavior.

She says she still wants to be with me but just enjoys other male platonic company.
jespah
 
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 07:01 am
@templebob,
If it's platonic, then what are you worried about?

But your wife is likely not understanding the purpose of a therapist, and that should be clarified. Therapists do not exist to take sides and tell us all what is morally right and wrong. They exist in order to listen to our problems, have us think about them and assist with healing. If your wife wants a moral judgment to be made, she should go to a member of the clergy instead.
templebob
 
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 08:42 am
@jespah,
Hi Jespath, I worry because as she lies about who she is with and her saying it is platonic, I am the one who is saying "she should not be out with other men "whom I do not know. We have been married 18 years but I cannot see why anyone would lie about seeing male friends on a platonic basis, or the need for the secretive meetings ever taking place. What man would not worry finding out their wife is out with someone you do not know and what woman would see it as acceptable if the roles were reversed.
jespah
 
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 10:17 am
@templebob,
If your wife is lying to you, then it is a far more serious issue than even an affair. After all, if she handles the $$ and you are near bankruptcy but she isn't telling you, that's kinda bad too, eh?

Get thee back to counseling. Drag her along if you must. The therapist's job (and he or she can explain that) is, like I said, to be impartial and listen but not to pass judgment.

And you need to figure out whether you can live with the lying, whether or not there really is something going on.
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PUNKEY
 
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 02:44 pm
I meet other men at night - at group meetings such as a museum Board, book club, garden club meeting.

You have not been specific enough to get upset about. Details, please?
Green Witch
 
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Reply Fri 21 Sep, 2012 05:55 pm
@PUNKEY,
Do you lie about it to your spouse?
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