Is there anything that can be done?

Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 06:52 pm
My girlfriend tells me everything that goes on in her life. We have been in a long distance relationship for 14 months. Her mother is absolutely terrible towards her. She's been in a mental institution, and is always going after her. Her two sisters don't get yelled at. Even her dad yelled at her mom saying he doesn't know why she targets her. My girlfriend's mother makes her cry and feel worthless. She doesn't even feel accepted by her own mother. Today, they had a huge fight. Her mother always accuses her of doing something wrong. She hints at her other siblings being better than her and comparing her to them. My girlfriend is not one to be angry, but she went to walk out because her mother was screaming in her face. She says she doesn't yell at her sisters because they are happy and joyful where they live. The fight ended with her mom saying she's going to move out because of her. What mother hurts her child so much emotionally and wants to move out because of her? My girlfriend doesn't do anything wrong, in fact she does more than any other person in her house. I just wish she could be taken away from her mom, but that can't happen can it? Is she just going to have to deal with her mother until she's out of the house?
Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 07:03 pm
I hate to ask but I have to...

Is your long distance girlfriend someone you know in the physical world or is she an online girlfriend?

Please note: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with meeting a partner online and I understand it can take a while to actually meet them face to face but in situations like this it's a very important distinction.

Also, how old are you and how old is she?
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Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 07:11 pm
We're 15 right now, and she used to live where I do and we were best friends. I only see her a few times a year now. We're young I know, but she's been my best friend for years now. I understand you asking though. I'm sure some people think I'm lying too, which is understandable. But I would like some honest opinions.
Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 07:54 pm
If it is truly as bad as she says it is you need to get your parents involved. You need to tell them and let them handle it.
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Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 08:01 pm
It's hard to hear, and some won't want to believe it, but there are times when there is one person in the family that takes the brunt of others anger.

I have a question, is your girlfriend the one in the family that doesn't play the role assigned to her? For instance, her mother has assigned the other daughters the role of the ones who are joyful and happy (I don't know if they would say so if asked, but that's another story)

It can be that your gf is not "cooperating".

However, I don't believe she should, just for the sake of "getting along" The family/mother will just find another reason to be angry.

The father has his role also, he "yelled at" the mother, but maybe his role does not go so far to permit him to actually do anything.

The solution?

Hard as it might be for you or her to hear, the best thing might be to let time pass. She's 15 today, but in a few years (I know it seems like a horribly long time now) she'll be 18, or 21, or whatever age she'd move out.....THEN, she's free to live decades and decades all the way until she's a hundred years old enjoying her life.

Maybe things can be worked out with the mother, maybe your gf will have to divorce her.

Here's a really good link I think you should read Biscuit. Please go and read it all.


Below is a quick cut and paste that's included there....do you recognize your gf as being one of them?

The six basic roles
Children growing up in a dysfunctional family have been known to adopt one or more of these six basic roles:[11]
The Good Child (also known as the Hero): a child who assumes the parental role.
The Problem Child or Rebel (also known as the Scapegoat): the child who is blamed for most problems related to the family's dysfunction, in spite of often being the only emotionally stable one in the family.
The Caretaker: the one who takes responsibility for the emotional well-being of the family.
The Lost Child: the inconspicuous, quiet one, whose needs are usually ignored or hidden.
The Mascot: uses comedy to divert attention away from the increasingly dysfunctional family system.
The Mastermind: the opportunist who capitalizes on the other family members' faults in order to get whatever he or she wants. Often the object of appeasement by grown-ups
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Reply Wed 12 Sep, 2012 08:03 pm
BTW, I was the scapegoat in my family.

Even though I might not always be thought of as stable here, I really was the most stable family member in my family. The rest of them were/are bat **** crazy.

It wasn't until my 30's that I realized I was not the problem, and decided to go ahead and have a good life that belonged to me, and wasn't dependent on their craziness.

It's been great.
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Reply Thu 13 Sep, 2012 04:57 pm
Alright thank you guys!
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