I saw the girl who isn't there....

I only met this nanny a couple of times. She came after the long time nanny got married and moved away.

Maybe the old nanny leaving and the new nanny thinking she was old enough to mostly take care of herself had some things to do with her sudden decline.

It happened so fast and it goes so deep. It really breaks my heart to see her. She won't even look at anyone. She turns her back and goes impossibly still when she encounters anyone.

When I do see her I say hello and leave it at that. I suspect that even that is more than she can bear. My other neighbor says she feels the same way, and they have been good friends for a long time. The family hasn't said anything like "When you see her, please blahblahblah" so we just don't know if we should acknowledge her or what.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

It's possible she's displaying severe Selective Mutism, possibly in conjuction with another, or additional, psychiatric disorder. The mutism could actually be a coping or defensive mechanism for her in dealing with anxiety.

Quote:

. There is a hierarchical variation among those suffering from this disorder: some people participate fully in activities and appear social but don't speak, others will speak only to peers but not to adults, others will speak to adults when asked questions requiring short answers but never to peers, and still others speak to no one and participate in few, if any, activities presented to them. In a severe form known as "progressive mutism", the disorder progresses until the sufferer no longer speaks to anyone in any situation, even close family members
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism

Quote:

Age

Onset of selective mutism may occur as early as school age but generally occurs by mid adolescence following a childhood history of social inhibition or excessive shyness.

The onset of selective mutism is often abrupt, occurring after a stressor or humiliating social experience and typically occurs when a child first attends school (either kindergarten or preschool). Over time, anxiety levels tend to increase as children do not "grow out of" selective mutism. Selective mutism persists as low self-confidence, shyness, and discomfort in social situations, often persisting into adulthood when speaking in public is required
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/917147-overview#a0199

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@firefly,

Quote:

Causes

The etiology of selective mutism is multifactorial. Some children develop selective mutism after a stressor such as illness, separation from their caregiver, or other traumatic experiences such as abuse or neglect and bullying can especially contribute risk and also occur related to the lack of a large supportive peer group. This is because youth with selective mutism are not as likely as "normal" unaffected peers to be protected by peer bystanders from being targeted and victimized by bullying.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/917147-clinical#a0218

Her long time nanny got married and moved away. In addition, there is a a new sibling. Those are both stressors--particularly the separation from, and loss of, the nanny. That separation may have made her feel abandoned by the nanny, more vulnerable, more anxious, and depressed, etc.

And this child was shy before she stopped speaking, which is also consistent with selective mutism.

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@firefly,

I've naturally no opinion, but interesting, firefly.

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@firefly,

Interesting, firefly. Thanks!

That all makes a lot of sense in this situation. This girl was always shy but not in the way that would make you think there was something really wrong -- just normal shy, until it seems something went terribly wrong.

I'm off to read the links....

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@firefly,

My niece was determined to have selective mutism - and I also thought about that - but assumed she was this way with her close family as well from boom's description. My niece was like that in school and around people she did not know well, but not around close family members. Also, she could go to school and was involved - simply would not talk. Instead when asked a question, she would whisper the answer to a friend and the friend would answer in class.

My best friend also had a boy with selective mutism and it was similar.
This description sounds a bit different where the child is completely withdrawal not just not talking - although I would guess there is probably different stages of this.

On the positive side, both of these children I know, now are loud! Especially my niece. And my friend's son got in trouble in school for talking. So if it such, it can be overcome.

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When I was in elementary school, there was a boy who never spoke. Mike Upton. Don't know why I still remember his name. He had almost no affect, but I was friendly to him even though other people ignored him. He smiled at me (weakly) from time to time. That was about it. Don't know what happened to him. I guess his family moved away or something. Maybe he was moved to a special school. Dunno.

I envy people like that, though. If I could get away with it, I'd never speak or have an outward affect. It's such a burden to be social.

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@FBM,

I can only stand it for a limited time. Being social just kind of wears on some of us.

1 Reply

@roger,

Yeah. I retreat at the earliest possible polite moment. Makes it tough being a teacher. Wink

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@FBM,

Yes there was a boy in my class too (beginning in first grade and throughout elementary). When the teacher called on him, he would simply burst out and cry. Odd thing was no one ever really teased him about it. He had and made friends no problem was just quiet and couldn't/wouldn't talk in class. I think we just all accepted it.

I do remember years later though seeing him hanging out on the corner with the other "druggie" teenagers/twenties kids.

When I heard of my niece and friend's boy being diagnosed with selective mutism and found out more about it, I thought immediately of him.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

I dimly remember one time in particular when a teacher basically stopped class and did everything she could to get him to say something. He didn't cry or show any strong responses, just looked down and side-to-side. Maybe he eventually whispered something under his breath to get her off his back, but it did nothing to open him up beyond that moment. I'd never heard of selective mutism until this thread. Now I'm curious to look into it more deeply...

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@boomerang,

Anti-social behaviors can result from social anxiety disorders or from depression. These mental states lead to people exhibiting outward behaviors that seem to feel closed off from the outside world.

In trying to assess the intentions and friendliness of such affected people, it is wise to consider how granting such people space could be as fruitful as approaching them with concerns about socialization.

This is why the privatized nature of television is so helpful. People-friendly modern TV programs such as "The Pioneer Woman" (Food Network) and "Long Island Medium" (TLC) are available for both public sharing and private art.

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@DrewDad,

Schizophrenia, most commonly begins in late teen's - early 20's, but it can show up in kids as young as 2 years old.

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@boomerang,

The common reasons listed on the catatonia wiki page sounded like the most plausible explanations: Schizophrenia, Severe depression, and PTSD. Does she eat on her own? Will she even look your direction when you speak to her? Will she get up and go to the bathroom on her own? I don't know that being locked up in Psych ward is the best thing for a 12 year old girl. That could possibly scare her and make her worse. I would just keep in touch with the parents & see what they have to say. It might even help her if you went over and brought a funny movie or something, so if there is a little life left in her, at least she feels like she still has a friend. But, unfortunately, there's always the possibility she's too far gone for that even. IDK tough situation.

1 Reply

I've never heard of this.
Maybe getting her a puppy dog of her own to look after (if she was capable of such a thing) might be a factor in aiding recovery.

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@Jpsy,

Actually, I just read page 2 now, and selective mutism did sound more likely than what I listed. I have had severe anxiety, at times, throughout my life. At times severe social anxiety. I remember once, an older kid started walking beside me and talking to me, & I got so nervous I literally couldn't make myself speak. The fact that she turns away from you when you speak to her may mean there's still life in her. Maybe she needs support. If I were you I would talk to her parents and see if maybe having you stop by once a week or something might help her. It sounds like the parents are ashamed and won't tell other people about it, but the parents acting ashamed about this girl, around the girl, might make the girl more ashamed and nervous & make her condition worse. I think it's best to still wave to her and smile at her, so she doesn't feel like she's some type of freak. IDK though really, maybe waving to her makes her more uncomfortable. I know a lot about abnormal psychology, but this is definitely new to me. Interesting but sad.

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@McTag,

yes, a puppy would be a good idea. A puppy and a cat. This appears in movies & TV occasionally, & it seems like there is always an extremely nice, friendly, and understanding person who, after constantly showering them with unconditional love, eventually gets them to talk again. That's Hollywood though.

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@boomerang,

rape

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@boomerang,

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
Charles Dickens

get lawer and sue the **** out of the hospital

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Funny I came across this thread what 9 years later?

It was a choice below another thread I was looking at - sounded interesting and viola - I had even responded that long ago.

Boom - if you are looking at this - what happened to this girl?

Curious now.

0 Replies

I saw the girl who isn't there....

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