@Lostsoul11,
I'm sorry to read all of this. But I think you may know what a lot of us are going to say.
What's the end game here?
It isn't marriage. It probably isn't living together. And I don't think it's, I'm sorry to say, hanging around and waiting for the disapproving members of his family to just die off.
I know you care for him and that, of course, makes this all the more difficult. But the smartest and best thing you can do for yourself is to get out now, before you waste any more time. It seems pretty obvious that you are not being considered when it comes to feelings, respect, etc. Instead, your boyfriend's mother is considered over you - even when it came to a relative's wedding.
Lemme tell ya, when I got married, lots of people were probably not 100% happy about all sorts of things (where they sat, who got invited, etc.). Yanno how much weight all that stuff had with my husband and me?
Zero.
It's not that we're selfish. It's more that, guess whose wedding it is? Guess whose life together it is? Guess who, at the end of the day, has to be happy?
It doesn't mean we didn't try to be accommodating to people. And I don't just mean in terms of the wedding but also in terms of the 20 years afterwards. We help our family and friends. It does matter to us if they are happy and healthy and all of that. But if that is at the expense of our own health? Uh, sorry, but no. Our own happiness? I'll bend a bit, to be sure. It's not like I'm going to skip out on an uncle's funeral in order to attend a ball game or anything like that.
But what I am saying is, there are lines and we don't allow them to be crossed. For your boyfriend's mother, there are no lines. She goes and does whatever she wishes, apparently. If she somehow became your mother-in-law, you honestly think that would change? If there are no lines, she tells you where to live, how to decorate your house, whether you can work, how to raise your children and when you will take her in and have her live with you.
Don't laugh. Controlling people like this pull that kind of crap all the time.
There are no boundaries here.
I am sorry you are caught up in this. I truly am. But you're an intelligent person. Get out now, while you are still very young and have not wasted any more than the two years that have already passed. Because if it's like this now, I bet it'll be like this in another two.
PS I met my future mother-in-law a month or so after my husband and I started dating. She and I are more than friends; we are family. I wish for the same kind of relationship for you. But I don't think it's possible under the current circumstances.