Please help with gender issues! I can't stand living anymore and I don't know what to do

Reply Fri 17 Aug, 2012 02:35 am
I'm sorry it's so long. I wanted to make sure I got all of the needed details so my problem be understood completely. I really had to get all of this out of my and i'm really looking for help, so please be serious.
Ok, i'm a women and I just can't go one day with out wishing I was a man. I HATE the way I veiw myself and my own gender, but I can't stop thinking this way! It makes me feel like a severely horrible, ignorant, close-minded person. There is something wrong with me and I definantly need help, but no matter how many times I cry for help and no matter how much I try to explain to my parents how much this problem is affecting me, they still haven't tried to understand or help me with this problem. My mom and dad think im just being irrational and it's probably something every tom boy goes through when they're young, so they won't even consider taking me to a therapist. Part of me would despise talking to a therapist, (I've always been tremendously shy) and it feels like theres a huge chance that I would never be able to trust one enough to open up (I used to put a lot of trust into a therapist that used to come over to my house to help my family function better, but we later found out she didn't keep anything that we told her to herself. She's gone now.), but the another part of me really needs advice.
After denying what some men say for so long, I just gave up and started accepting what i've been told. Every site ive been has a number of men that either post threads with a huge list of reasons on how men are the superior gender or threads on how women shouldn't have jobs. They point to all the male inventors, industrialists, artists, ect. as proof that men are superior. And after going through these threads for so many years and just telling myself that they're immature and stupid, I ended up realizing that I see no evidence against their claims. Most people agree with the people saying this stuff and sometimes even call them their savior or god. Now I feel like the men saying they are superior are right because not only can I not prove them wrong, but anyone else who doesn't agree just respond with insults and false statistics. Anyone I see disagree usually has no evidence on how women have made an equal number of achievements, so I see it as them just being dishonest to themselves and denying everything because of an inibility to handle the possible truth. They have never given real examples of why men are not better or how women have overcome mens achievements, instead they just resort to insults and get personal. Why is this, though? Is it because we actually haven't done anything that a man could do better? Any time someone says that men invented more, they start dropping names of the few women that made something useful. There have been famous women, but the ratio of men:women in terms of achievement is off the grid, even excluding non-modern achievements. I feel like no matter what I do as a women, even if I as an individual can prove sexist men wrong, a majority of men will still see women as a whole as baby making factories.
Don't get me wrong, I don't think there isn't only sexism againt women. I understand men go through the same thing with feminist. But I really don't see how feminist can make men feel inferior. First of all, they are idiots. They pick the areas they want "equality" in while ignoring others. A society where everything works in the favor of women (even though I feel inferior I wouldn't want this). Second, I would find it hard to feel like the inferior sex if my gender invented or created almost everything of lasting value and does almost all the work of keeping civilization running. It is obvious that men, as a whole, have more inventions and accomplishments to their name than us. Today we aren't repressed and we have an education, and still we have contributed very little in terms of breakaway scientific achievement and advancement. It's easy to blow off what feminist say when you know the obvious advantages of being a male, like how men are physically stronger and how a man's I.Q. is generally 4 points higher than a woman's. We usually have to work harder to achieve the level of success that a man has reached. Even feminist have some sort of primal instinct of inferiority, because we are the majority in the United States and we still need support groups like feminism to trick us in to thinking that men are to stupid to accomplish anything. If we are smarter, or indeed, could compete with men, then wouldn't it be clearly obvious? Women would occupy leading positions in the sciences and other technical areas, where intelligence is critical.
This is why I feel like i'm a women in a man's world. It is almost always men who occupy high-paying and powerful positions and most other areas. Everyone ive confronted about my problem tells me that other than my genitals, i'm no different from a man. Contrary to popular belief, our genitals are actually not the only difference that we have from each other. Science shows you men and women are biologically set to have differences in their brain and muscles. Biologically and neurologically, men are, on average, superior to women in practical matters such as logic, math, analytical thinking, ect, while women, on average, are superior to men in linguistic skills and feeling emotions. With this information, it seems to me that men are STILL superior to women in modern society because of the biological advantages they are given. Important issues like leadership, devising plans, voting, and most of the jobs today require logic, ambition, devotation, and consideration, but unfortanantly, us women were built to run more on emotion. This is why most women cannot control their emotions as well as men, and this is why more men are taken more seriously because they come straight out with things. They don't soften things up like a lot of women do. It's not sexist and i'm not saying it to piss anyone off, it's statistics and basic understanding of male-female biology, and with men being better at jobs that require logical thinking (which is almost every job) and also being better at spatial organization and perception, I see way more of advantage on their side.
Ive been waiting for years for this feeling of inferiority to pass but it just keeps getting worse over the years. I really wish there was a way to just become a male with no difficulties whatsoever, but becoming a male through surgery comes with so many problems. It turns out its majorly expensive, it doesn't look like the real thing, requires multiple surgeries, has a high rate of complications, requires a pump system to achieve an erection, has loss of sensation, and there's no ejaculation. I'm tired of being second, i'm tired of looking for answers and getting nothing, i'm tired of still being in a man's world. With all of the evidence proving men are superior I feel like my only strength as a woman is my ability to get pregnant and give birth, and of course one should not discredit the man that the sperm came from. I cry almost every night over this crap, and even when I see a reason to be proud of being a women, I feel it is counterbalanced by the disatvantages. It's like ive lost the ability to think for myself. I know I shouldn't only care about what others say, but no matter how many times I keep telling myself not to, it still gets to me. I have encountered so many people listing reasons and making arguements on why men are better and ive seen even more people agreeing and praising them. Any time I come across these people and the entire books and websites on how men are better, they continue to validate my feelings of inferiority and powerlessness. I really don't want to think this way, it has caused me to be depresssed for so long, to the point of actually praying to die in my sleep and even considering suicide.
I really don't know what to do anymore. It may seem like i'm an idiot for posting this online instead of dealing with it in real life, but no one in real life, not even my family, takes me seriously. They litteraly treat it like a joke and include it in their gossiping which has made everything in reality far worse for me. So, right now it seems like my only other option is posting it here, anonymisly on the internet. Now please, who is right about this? Does anyone have any suggestions to what I should do and how to stop feeling this way about my own gender? How can I feel just as valuable and equal to men with knowing everything I typed above? Are women going against their bilogy if they start working instead of taking care of the house? Is there really any way to stop caring what others think? If it's such a problem to think this way, why are there so many people who actually have these veiws(Especially the people on Yahoo Answers)? Why are there some people being praised for thinking this way (for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0xoKiH8JJM)? I feel terrible saying this, but this one is probably the one I want to fix the most, how can I take women answers seriously instead of actually thinking that women are incapable of ANY reasoning? And finally, how can I stop believing what these people say about women and stop myself from beliving that someone is right when they have thousands of fans?
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Reply Fri 17 Aug, 2012 05:50 am
Whoa, whoa, time out.

You're all over the place, but I think you know that.

1) Not identifying with your gender. That does happen. I would recommend talking to a therapist. I realize you have had a bad experience but do not tar them all with the same brush. Plus, I have to say, you had a therapist who made house calls? I highly doubt that person was licensed at all. You speak a lot of your parents so my impression is that you are underage or at least are living with them and are somewhat dependent upon them. If you are still in school, talk to a trusted teacher or a guidance counselor about how you are feeling. If not, there are free mental health services or you can even try to talk to a trusted member of the clergy. I am not saying this in order to imply that you are damaged, more that this can be overwhelming and it would be good for you to talk to someone.

Oh and BTW if they blab about things, therapists can lose their licenses. Ethical ones who give a damn about their own livelihoods do not do that.

2) Deciding that men are superior because of inventions, etc. and therefore you want to be one. I have read lots of reasons for people not wanting to stay as a particular gender but that's a new one on me. It is also wrong. There are plenty of reasons for men to have been the big inventors, etc. One of them is opportunity. Another is education (women for generations were denied higher education, or were pushed to get married instead of get a degree and a job). Just because you cannot think of a good comeback to jerks yapping about one gender being superior to another does not mean that they are right. It also does not mean that you should join them or that it would be better for you to do so. Not to invoke Godwin's Law, but if that argument is so convincing to you, what about the argument that the vast majority of the world's dictators and serial killers have been male?

3) Women's natures being to take care of the house. Er, nope. Start googling matriarchal societies. Just because the only arguments you've been seeing have been from men with an agenda does not mean they are correct. Start looking at it all with a skeptical eye. Who are you hearing this stuff from? What's their motivation? And you? Why are you accepting this stuff hook, line and sinker? I suspect it's a feeling that you, personally, are inferior. That does not mean every female is, you know. And it also goes back to my first point - I think you should see a therapist and talk about that as well.

4) Depression. Well, it's little wonder you feel depressed. You're swallowing a line of bullshit that's telling you to get back in the kitchen, Missy and go get me a sandwich while a man makes more money, is smarter, etc. yadda yadda yadda. Once again, I think you need to talk to a professional, and find out why you are so down on yourself that you're believing this crap - and why you're believing it so much that you want to kill off a major part of yourself.

Nowhere in here do I see you talking about specifically identifying as a man. Nowhere do I see you talking about wanting a penis. Nowhere do I see you talking about feeling male. Nowhere do I see you talking about wanting to have sex with women, or to have gay sex with men. All I am seeing is someone down on themselves, who is talking about something that smells an awful lot like a half-suicide.

Go and get some help. I implore you.
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Reply Fri 17 Aug, 2012 06:27 am
Jespah has hit the nail on the head: you have such a distorted view about woman and womanhood, no wonder you don't want to be one!

Please get some counseling. Find a woman mentor who can help you appreciate yourself before you make such life decisions.
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Reply Fri 17 Aug, 2012 08:01 pm
Someone who has fans just means they are on the map. Not that it is right.
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