Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

I could only get along with my sister as long as she was going to college (she was even worse than me re .... ehem ... 'behaviour').

Then it was a 'normal-sibling-relationship-over-the-distance' after her marriage .... until I made my therapy and changed my life completely/started a new life.

We tried it now and then again afterwards, but ...

Some relatives think that her behaviour is deeply influenced by her husband['s side], people in our native town say that she always has been "different".

The only thing making me wonder now (or not) is that she didn't mention my excuse letter at all ...

Walter--

I've never met your sister, but I'd guess that she's one of those people who has drawn very firm lines between Her World and Intrusions.

Her husband and son compromise Her World. Your mother and aunt are Unfortunate Intrusions. You won't play along with her way of organizing reality, so this makes you a "Bad" intrusion.

She's talking herself into, "What with the distance and Walter being so completely impossible there was nothing I could do. Of course, I feel badly, but there was simply nothing I could do (without inconveniencing myself).

I really can agree, Noddy, ...

I'll be toatlly occupied by 'legal affairs' today.

At first, in the early morning, I'll attend the meeting when the judge interviews my mother (looking, if she rella needs a legal guardian, kind of.)

Mother is quite confused since last week again, or - to put it differently - she felt deeper in her dementia.


Afterwrds, I'll get "sworn in" at the courthouse (re llegal guardianship for my aunt).

Then, I'll drive to aunt in the hospital, trying to get to know if aunt really will leave .... at the end of this week, where to and if at all ...

My sympathies, Walter.

Thanks.

Court-related stuff is nearly finished by now (just have to bring the papers -aunt- to the health insurance company & banks).

Got a phone call inbetween: aunt will leave the hospital the next couple of days (so a bit more is to be regulated this afternoon).

Mother was .... well "my son is doing everything for me, what are you [judge] doing here."
My sister wrote to the court asking (the judge) to be informed about everything ... The judge, a rather young lady, got that correct. And so she ('they', the court) will inform my sister that I'm the legal guardian.

Saves me a stamp.


Mother, however, is very uncomfortable with this situation - especially since 'she's going home tomorrow', something she's telling since last week.

Today, she wanted to phone with .... whoever.
So I left her .... under the care of the home.

Walter--

One by one you're tidying up the loose ends--or "they" are tidying up loose ends.

Good for the judge, sizing up your sister's attempt to go on record as a Caring Family Member and drawing the proper conclusions. She'll be able to tell her friends that she is in communication with the bench and doing all that she can to easy her mother's final years (without leaving home).

Would you be able to find accommodations for your aunt with your mother? Then the two of them can plan their Great Escape while the nurses keep watch over them both.

Hold your dominion.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Walter - What a relief to have the court so firmly on your side! I'm so glad for you. Anyway, it's only fair - you're been doing all the work; why should your sister have any legal standing in the matter?

Noddy - Are you feeling better? You're quite right, sneezing is better than up-chucking, but life without either is best.

TomKitten--

Winter and enforced togetherness is starting to annoy me considerably.

I'm becoming resigned that part of the caretaking job is endless praise whether deserved or not. Mr. Noddy wants me to admire his fine mind--and that he put his underwear away without a reminder!

I'm also becoming resigned to being interrupted. Mr. Noddy has trouble following conversations (there still may be wax in his ears) and feels more in charge when he does all the talking.

I suspect his coffee buddies are getting fed up with Hog The Stage Noddy. This is rather grim--I don't want to be his only audience.

Bitching does the heart good. Thank you for asking.

How are you doing, Tomkitten. Are your art supplies arranged? How did the A.A. Milne program go? Boston has had some rotten weather lately--perhaps nothing particularly newsworthy for a New England winter, but rotten all the same.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Good morning, Noddy!

58 degrees and pouring rain! Boston's weather is indeed weird. This winter has been very up-and-down, some surprisingly nice, and some just plain rotten. Today is a mix - I'm glad for the relative warmth, but the rain is a little too much.

As for Christopher Robin, that's this Wednesday.The music is all set, Activities decorated the flier nicely with Shepard illustrations, and I've got a copy printed up for the Library.

Tomorrow is legal and financial stuff - I'd better make a list of questions.

The art supplies are all but arranged; the only books on the floor are those which I have to annotate for our weekly in-house bulletin; and I've ordered frames for a bunch of paintings. The prices are shockingly higher than a few years ago, but on the other hand, they are very very much lower than a frame shop would charge. I've been dealing with this mail-order firm for years, but still twitch every time I place an order for fear of having measured wrong. (So far I never have, but still. . .)

Actually, the plan has been - and still is - that aunt stays in the the same home as my mother. (Which incidentely is their old "Lyceum" [formerly a name for a certain type of high school for girls here])
The home now - after all the changing dates - gets a free room for only on Tuesday next.

When I told mother about this - she didn't like it at all, since she is certain that SHE must take care at my aunt.
So mother told me that she would leave this [whatever and wherever she thinks she's staying now] and go to the nursing home of the nuns (that's how the place commonly was called where she's now).

After the interview this morning, she asked the director of the home, if didn't want to live in mother's home - his family could join him, too.
Seems, she made a couple more things they don't tell me, though ...

In the afternoon, mother was more or less as usual.

Aunt, however, knowing that she'll have to leave the hospital, suddenly is doing worse ...

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
No rest for the weary, Walter, no rest for the weary.

At least your sister is off your back - legally, anyway.

Well, to honest: we feel quite comfortable not getting those daily phone calls, asking for a 'bulletin', orally and in written form. (Though I do wonder how she gets along with situation, now. [She's phoning to both institutions, I know, but those answers are really quite short ....)

Walter--

Perhaps your aunt can have a week of symptoms and recover in time to be discharged in a week and a day.

Your mother's executive talents are emerging--and she has so much to organize.

TomKitten--

Your life sounds under control--except for the measure-by-mail ordeal--and you've survived measure-by mail in the past.

I hope all goes well tomorrow.

Hold your dominion.

Mother is 'back to normal', with her usuall up's and down's.

Wants now more clothes ("the others have more"), her own furniture (which she'll certainly get when she can move in a larger room/apartment) ....

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Seems, my sister set a ball rolling with her letter to the court ...

The direct person I have to deal with at our court (actually two, since different are in charge for letter 'G' and 'H') is a so-called "Rechtspfleger", a para-judge ("Rechtspfleger is an expression of a legal profession in Germany which cannot betranslated into another language. The profession of Rechtspfleger can be described as follows: Senior court official, competent in certain judicialdecisions and jurisdiction, especially matters of non-contentious jurisdiction.") is (are) now thinking of asking the judge (= two different judges as well) if they better install a second legal guardian re looking at the finances because there might be a conflict of interests.


I'm glad that I've studied law and worked for a couple of years within the legal system! (You can't just tell them that it not only goes on the same way like all the years before but now with accounting every single spent cent ... that all needs to be translated in legal terminology :wink: )

Walter--

Organizing furniture is serious nest building. Perhaps your mother wants to do the inevitable her way.

Undoubtedly your sister is so proud of herself!

**************

The bill for the service call arrived today from the oil company. Mr. Noddy now insists that had he known there was no Hot Shot in the tank, he would have demanded that Hot Shot be added--he'd have even done it himself.

One more month of winter. Thirty more days.

I listened to an interesting phone call this morning, when we had our annual check-up at the ophthalmologist: he was called by a general physican (obviously the second time within some miniutes).
This doctor wanted to know exactly the resons, why our doctor (an Afghan by birth) suggest to operate both eyes of on patient of the caller, a 97 year old lady with dementia and a couple more age-related illnesses.

Our doctor told the other - and we discussed this later, too, totally agreeing with his arguments - that life would be much better for any person, who only can see one foot. And it wasn't an argument (for him) that she perhaps would live only a short period ...

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QWhen I arrived at the nursing home this afternoon, mother just was accompanied by a nurse to her room: she had been out, walked to our home (which seems to be true, as I found out), looked around it, talked with neighbours, and went back; however, a slightly different way. She arrived on the correct street, but seemed to have lost the direction a bit. And then her walking aid was faster then she walked .... so she fell. Passer-bys brought her back to the nursing. Nothing serious but she was a bit tired.

And didn't want to go back for ever or similar!

Oh no, Walter. Thank goodness she's OK. Did you mean that the nurse went on this walk with her or did your mother wander away on her own?

Walter--

Good for your mother. She's obviously a woman who learns by doing.

***********

I think Mr. Noddy's midnight bustling between 11 pm and 1 am is related to sundowning. It is playing hell with my sleep, even though he assures me that he is very quiet, making absolutely no noise. I'm just a neurotic sleeper.

No mother walked on her own (no-one can hinder her, really).

I don't see it so negatively, though, since actually 'normal life' is something quite desirable, for all of us.

She can/could fall any time, everywhere. And she did so before, too (I would say, one time per week on average that I noticed it; x-times, I wasn'r aware of.)

For me, the most important difference is that it's not my field of responsibility - and that she's okay.