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Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

 
 
Tomkitten
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 12:14 am
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Good news! The orthopedist's xrays show Bob's ankle well healed, They changed his meds, and he is definitely more alert. That's not to say he's exactly chatty, but he answers questions and, what is more, asks them. AND he knows who I am.

Today he will get an air mattress which should be more comfortable, and the barber has been lined up to come to his room for a manicure (if he permits) and trim his beard (gettin' pretty shaggy there, folks). Even if he lets her only do a quickie nail trim, it will be all to the good; when he was feeding himself with his fingers he got food caked under his nails because they have grown so long. I hope he will once more be able to feed himself properly eventually, but he may be still to weak for the indefinite future, to do that.

eoe - a mindsaver, too. I don't really like to talk too much to the other residents here, about each other; you never know how things get around; a certain degree of circumspection is a good idea. So A2K is a great outlet.
0 Replies
 
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 12:28 am
That's really good news, Tomkitten!


(Mother's in a totally bad mood since she seems to realise ... .)
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eoe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 07:54 am
Re: Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved
Tomkitten wrote:
eoe - a mindsaver, too. I don't really like to talk too much to the other residents here, about each other; you never know how things get around; a certain degree of circumspection is a good idea. So A2K is a great outlet.


Bring your gossip here. Laughing
0 Replies
 
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 10:18 am
Here's trouble to the ten. Or perhaps opnly the start of it. Or just that I'm troubled-angry.

My sister is with husband (and most probably youngest nephew) staying at her MIL in my native town.
(She didn't phone yet, but a flower arrangement [traditionally done here at Alll Saints Day] was on father's tomb .... and I saw their car]. Seems, she visited mother, too: some flowers were there as well.)

Well, I don't know if that's the reason, the lovely weather ...

http://i18.tinypic.com/5074tx5.jpg
view from mother's window this afternoon

... well, when I arrived at the home, mother's room door was wid open.
She had "packed" again, and said that she waited now for the taxi to go home.
Some discussions, some harsh words at first, followed by trying to find out what happened.
That what she said was ... well, psychotic, I think, completely disregarding reality.

The nurse showed me in the (computer) diary, written in red and marked that my mother attended the gymnastics today (in the day care), but phoned from there "her lawyer" and asked him to get her out. He is said to have answered that he wanted to clear the facts with the managing team.

I really don't know if and with whom she spoke (our lawyers aren't practising anymore, she doesn't know any of the new lawyers in the office. No-one called here, too).

So I wonder now, how things will develop.
I don't expect that the staff of this home will keep things let going like this _ they'll ask me shorter or later to look for some other place.

Which might well be very similar to where my aunt is now, I think.

But perhaps, I hope, I'm just to pessimistic - a big bang comes and mother cheerfully stays there, glad that I brought her to this place ...
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 10:33 am
Walter- People who run assisted living and nursing facilities are quite used to the type of scenarios that you have described. Some of the problems that are common with people who have dementia are paranoia, delusional ideation, and inappropriate aggressiveness.

If the facility is any good, they will know how to handle her. If they can't, she should not be there in the first place.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 10:34 am
Oh, Walter.
I know that sinking feeling.


I hope you are being too pessimistic.
I wonder about the sister's role, if any, even maybe inadvertent.
0 Replies
 
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 10:34 am
Walter Hinteler wrote:
Here's trouble to the ten. Or perhaps opnly the start of it. Or just that I'm troubled-angry.

My sister is with husband (and most probably youngest nephew) staying at her MIL in my native town.
(She didn't phone yet, but a flower arrangement [traditionally done here at Alll Saints Day] was on father's tomb .... and I saw their car]. Seems, she visited mother, too: some flowers were there as well.)

Well, I don't know if that's the reason, the lovely weather ...

http://i18.tinypic.com/5074tx5.jpg
view from mother's window this afternoon

... well, when I arrived at the home, mother's room door was wid open.
She had "packed" again, and said that she waited now for the taxi to go home.
Some discussions, some harsh words at first, followed by trying to find out what happened.
That what she said was ... well, psychotic, I think, completely disregarding reality. Or manic-depressive.

The nurse showed me in the (computer) diary, written in red and marked that my mother attended the gymnastics today (in the day care), but phoned from there "her lawyer" and asked him to get her out. He is said to have answered that he wanted to clear the facts with the managing team.

I really don't know if and with whom she spoke (our lawyers aren't practising anymore, she doesn't know any of the new lawyers in the office. No-one called here, too).

So I wonder now, how things will develop.
I don't expect that the staff of this home will keep things let going like this _ they'll ask me shorter or later to look for some other place.

Which might well be very similar to where my aunt is now, I think.

But perhaps, I hope, I'm just to pessimistic - a big bang comes and mother cheerfully stays there, glad that I brought her to this place ...
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 12:15 pm
Phoenix32890 wrote:
If the facility is any good, they will know how to handle her. If they can't, she should not be there in the first place.


I wholeheartedly agree. Your mother's behavior is not that unusual.

Hopefully it was just "one of those days" and tomorrow she feels better.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 12:54 pm
Tomkitten--

Very good news, both physically and mentally.

Happy Halloween.

Walter--

The greater world in your neck of the woods is having a beautiful, autumn day.

I'm inclined to agree with the other posters that your mother continues to be both onery and determined.

As for your sister.....she's a charmer.

**********

My Pig with Wings arrived and Mr. Noddy is trying to assemble it. He spent his working life designing tools to repair industrial machinery. He was well-known in his field as a practical engineer.

Now he's having trouble with a piece of Yard Art, designed for assembly at home.

Furthermore, he's dug his heels in. The printed directions aren't particularly helpful, but rather than tootle on down to the Flag Store (where they are used to assembling pinwheel critters) he is determined To Do It Himself.

I'm hoping that Pig will be both a visable literary reference and a western version of Tibetan Prayer Flags.

At least he didn't start the project just before the Late Show.
0 Replies
 
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 01:09 pm
Well, I know more and younger men that are like Mr. Noddy ... :wink:

Noddy24 wrote:
As for your sister.....she's a charmer.


A couple of days ago, she told Mrs Walter on the phone that she didn't want to visit my aunt if (might be, she said 'when') they came up here: she didn't want to watch all the unhappiness there and my aunt amidst it.
She wants to remember my aunt how she had been alike in the good days ... ...

My sister was teacher in a kindergarden for multiple diabled children, and worked later as social worker in a red light district.
But when she became a loving wife - all changed from one day to the other. [Including her political opinion, which also became identical to that of BIL.]
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 01:45 pm
Walter--

Forsaking all others.....and all other opinions.

I've noticed that people who set up Only Happy Memories for themselves tend to be selfish creatures. I doubt that this observation give you any new insight.

*********

Mr. Noddy and Pig with Wings are now out in the yard. The yard is clay and shale as well as being sloped. PwW is not planted absolutely perpendicularly to the center of the earth. Mr. Noddy feels strongly about perpendicularity and precision.

I don't think he'll continue making small adjustments after sunset, working by flashlight--although in his prime he might have.
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 02:41 pm
Noddy24 wrote:
Mr. Noddy feels strongly about perpendicularity and precision.


An artist after my own heart. Very Happy
I drive my husband crazy with 'perpendicularity and precision'.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Oct, 2007 03:31 pm
Eoe--

Good to know.

One of these days I may find a largish cardboard carton (reinforced) with air holes. I'll PM you so when he arrives you can hose him off in the driveway before the two of you get all tidy-minded together.
0 Replies
 
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2007 02:01 pm
Mother phoned me the early afternoon and excused her behaviour.
She was glad to here that I would come today again.

She had 'packed' nothing. But, of course, a - though slightly minor - topic was still where she could stay, and how, elsewhere.

It's really perhaps now the depressive part, which starts. Or she's beginning to find the way to start to get used to the idea not being able to go back home again ...

Seems, only my sister (without BIL and nephew) had visited her .... for a couple of minutes.
Furthermore it seems that none wants to visit her again: they had driven home, my mother said. (Why do I doubt that they left their BMW at BIL's mother and took e.g. a train?)

Nevertheless: I booked a longer [November 9-12] weekend for both of us in a 5* hotel in Weimar. A town/region, we both like very much .... especially for the first 'get-away' together since .... ehem, four years. :wink:
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2007 02:18 pm
Man, talk about well deserved...
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Steve 41oo
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2007 02:28 pm
You must be rather tired of people telling you they understand Walter. I dont mean to be unkind, but the simple fact is that the situation is uniqueto you and no one really understands, we can only guess.

we can all deal (some much better than others) with an elderly person who is confused and "difficult".

But when that person is your own mother, it is impossible to see the situation objectively.

When my mother was living in a care home, she would talk utter rubbish. Then occasionally (and you never knew when it would happen) she was back to her "usual" self. Its very hard. And all the time her voice, especially when she called my name, was the same voice I knew as an infant and child, and it pierced me like an arrow.

Your mother and aunt are being well looked after. You have responsibility to look after yourself and mrs W...so enjoy Weimar!
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Tomkitten
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2007 02:42 pm
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
You and Mrs Walter enjoy yourselves on your weekend!
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 1 Nov, 2007 06:24 pm
Steve wrote:
Your mother and aunt are being well looked after. You have responsibility to look after yourself and mrs W...so enjoy Weimar!


Steve is absolutely right. One of the things that sometimes eludes us when we care for loved ones, is that we are not "spring chickens" ourselves. it is important that we enjoy OUR lives before we are too old/sick to do so.

Have a great time, Walter!
0 Replies
 
Walter Hinteler
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 01:22 am
Thanks, all! We certainly will - but there are still eight days which can bring a lot of surprises :wink:
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2007 07:25 am
Walter--

Let the rest of the world turn as it will. You and Mrs. Walter have reservations.
0 Replies
 
 

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