Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Right!

It started already - the rest of the world turning, I mean.

Actually only mother, but she's now concentraing the rest of the world towards her.

The home sings from the same song sheet as we do, though :wink:

Walter--

The home has your mother's number--and job description. "Difficult" is easier to cope with when there is no blood connection.

Well, actually is less a problem for me than I'd thought.

.... and now my sister (and BIL) appear "on stage", by phone, making a mess of al and everything ...

(Though they even didn't know how often the nurses came at home [three times, at was, not once per day], they suggested a home for assisted living .... which is run by the same organisation, but offered less assistance than mother got at home.)

What they got right, however, is that mother is totally unhappy in her room now.
It might well be, too, because it's a rather tiny room - but that was a) only for the period of short time care and b) she's already on the list for a larger room/rooms.

But what mother really wants is: all her furniture, clothes, all her belongings = the house to be around her.
No senior home can offer such.



I was quite upset when my sister phoned me and hung up quite abruptly.
Mrs. Wlter phoned back later and talked to BIL (my sister didn't want to speak). Mrs Walter learnt that they really have no idea about what was and is going on - how could they, when just coming up here twice per year, and only getting infos via phone from mother?
Mrs Walter said that my sister of course could come up and stay with mother 24/24.

[Feeling better now. Thanks.]

Walter--

Your sister has Inconvenient Contributions down to a science. You have my sympathy.



Good for Mrs. Walter! She deserves a very nice weekend with her charming husband.

It seemed that my sister really started "her business" already on Friday ...

So I leapt over my own shadow again, and - remembering that I was certified in person-centered psychotherapy - phoned her.

"We" decided that all was due to misunderstandings and mis-hearings over the phone.

Mrs Walter agreed that she'll get"bulletins" ...

We did, however, tell her that two one hour visits per year and then visiting mother now in her actual situation and surrounding without proper informations ... that we understand how shoked she must have been.

Might be, she got the message.

Quite right and I'm glad you're feeling better. Only four days 'til your much deserved getaway. It may be a very long four days.

You're a wise man, Mr. Walter. But sometimes even the wise gets pushed to the limit. Especially with siblings.
Glad you and your sister managed to iron things out.

Walter--

First two stubborn little old ladies.

Then an out-of-touch World Authority.

You're earning your halo.

He he, I only misunderstood the "out-of-touch World Authority". :wink:

Never "Rodgers" has been as valuable as today ...

So less than 24 hours before we are leaving ...

the assistant of the director phoned. My mother had been down to her office this morning and complained that she neither was ill nor had done something wrong but still is 'kept' there.
(She did and does say such towards us and my sister, too.)

So, the home now thinks - since there no legal basis to hold her back, if she doesn't want to stay there - it would be the only alternative .... to turn the clock back: she stays at home, gets the three times daily visits by the ambulant service, and some will come additionally.

My sister thinks, too, this would be quite dangerous for mother's health - she has the idea that someone might live with mother and take care of her and everything in the house .... for $1.500 or so, free board and lodging.


Okay, I told one and everyone that I'll leave tomorrow, and won't be back befoe Monday late evening.
That I don't think this will work - but tha I don't oppose (after having made a written notice of it).
That I can't do the same as I did the last five years, especially not what I've done the last couple of weeks.



And after all that .... the wheels in some heads are running.


Off now to the psychiatric hospital. And then to mother.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
1. Timing is everything in life!

2. Does your mother know of your getaway plans, by any chance?

3.Do not, repeat NOT, give in.

4. You and Mrs Walter have a really, REALLY good time.

Walter--

Your mother is a tenacious old woman, isn't she.

You've got her genes--and her example. Stand your ground.

At least your sister seems to be discussing the situation rather than moving in, giving orders and moving on.

Here in the States, paid companions can be wonderful--or thoroughly unreliable. You would still be on call 24/7.

Meanwhile, you and Mrs. Walter are off for a weekend in Shangri-la. You've climbed Tibetan-sized mountains to get there and you deserve the break.

Breathe in...


Breathe out...


Breathe in...


Breathe out...


in....


out...


in....


out....


keep breathing.....


Let it all go.....


Have a wonderful time!

Thanks for your kind, good wishes - they are really very appreciated.

------
Yes, mother "knows" that we are away (though we told her a closer place .... but she had forgotten about all that minutes later).

---------------

It nearly clear that my aunt will have to stay some more time (weeks, if not months) in the psychiatric hospital. (That partly depends on how the insurence company acts/reacts after two, three or more months.)

They did what I thought they would do, even faster .... and better:
treated her at first with a different medication than at home: then tried changes, afterwrads different pills;additionally, they tried a psychological therapy ....

And what was to be expected happened: no real changes.
So they'll make a CT his week, just to clear up that there are no somatic brain damages or a tumor or ...

And then, they'll try it again .... which will finally lead to some kind of home for psychiatric ill seniors.


(What I wanted to avoid - how good they might be. But to be fair: she would need so much, so 'close' [for not staying in bed, for eating, drinking, for ... name it]attention, which can't be done in a normal senor's home, even, when they got specilised nurses and a special ward for such.)

---------------------

Mother was more than perplex when we told her that she'll leave on Tuesday or Wednesday and goes home.

She became very quiet, however, when we told her about her sister's situation, that we would visit her but not three times or even twice per day, that my sister and my BIL will now take more care ...

It might well be that her "maybe it's Tuesday that I can go home" was a sign of .... well, what ever.

She really had had HER day today again: not only did she talk to various stuff in the house: she had sent her physiotherapist away (well, she stayed), didn't sign the prescription for the last six visits (which I'll do, we've got the same family name :wink: ), asked her not to come anymore ...

At home, she doesn't want the 'meals on wheels' but will cook (and do the shopping) !like she'd always done".


We'll see what happens when next week. If.

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Weatherforcast speaaks of snow, storm, rain for this weekend.
We've got a roomy accomodation. The hotel has a huge wellness and massage section for the Missus - and I've plenty of books.
Besides, there are a couple of museums worth being visited the third or even forth time (and the historic library has reopened for some dozen visitors/day after the fire a couple of days ago).

I suppose, I need a jacket and even a tie, perhaps, in a 5* hotel ....

Don't forget to wear a pair of well-fitted slacks Mrs. Walter will appreciate the effort - and the view.

~~~

Take good care of yourself - enjoy the reading and relaxation and Mrs. Walter. You two really need some pampering.

Yes, pampering. Drop your cares best you can for a lovely time.

Thanks :wink:

My sister was .... ehem, kind of meekly when I just gave her my daily bulletin [she's phoning a doze times with mother, even calls her just to say, she's going out for ten minutes ... we witnessed this the afternoon.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Bob died in his sleep around 7:30 this morning.

I want to thank everyone who has given me such great support during the past few months. I'll keep in touch.