Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Tomkitten--

Mr. Noddy would be far more likely to announce that we should have a checkbook and I should do it his way--when my own way has been perfectly adequate all these years.

I just tossed some homemade potato salad and gussied up deli cole slaw because Mr. Noddy had obviously been sampling them with a fork and digestion had started....

Yet he will swear that he doesn't eat salad.

I don't think Hospice will step in until one of Bob's doctors goes on record that death will occur within six months. My mother was told six weeks--and lasted 15 months, but once a Hospice patient, always a Hospice patient.

Familiar surroundings should help. Your poor husband is no longer sure what he should worry about and what other people will take care of. Eliminating a parade of strangers should make his life much more serene.

Mr. Noddy has calmed down considerably since I put my son on the bus. Just having an "outsider" in the house and being deprived of "normal" routine had him acting like an unhappy brat.

The social worker at my mother's nursing home brought up the idea of
hospice a few months ago. It startled me because I hadn't thought of
my mother as having less than six months. The first step was to discuss
DNR with her. I was afraid that I would not be able to speak as frankly
as I should, so I asked the social worker to meet with us. With her help,
my mother came to understand all that DNR implied. She decided that
that was what she wanted.

I was planning for a follow-up meeting to discuss hospice, but we were
overtaken by events. When she was rushed to the emergency room and
it was apparent there was no hope for recovery, I had her transferred to
hospice care there at the hospital. It was not for very long, but the staff
was wonderful, very caring and attentive.

I never did discuss DNR with my mother. At the point where I signed the paper, she was in no condition to make any important decisions. Hospice explained to me that if my mother did not have a DNR, if she stopped breathing, by Florida law, the medics would be obliged to resusitate her.

Near the end, she was very thin and frail. Hospice explained that if she resusitation was attempted, they would probably break bones, and then she would die anyway, an agonizing death. (For those who don't know, she was 97) I signed the DNR, believing that I was doing the wisest thing.

Noddy- This is being written in Nogodotches La. Mr. P. is doing amazingly well, and so far is doing all the driving. We are only making about 450 miles a day, but what the hell, we have a month to play around with.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
[/QUOTE]I signed the DNR, believing that I was doing the wisest thing.

Of course, something is going on here as well.

My aunt 'got' today the 'illness' that she can't eat and drink anythink, besides my homemade puddings.
So her doctor came here today. (Actually, I called the head of the nurse service to call him and make it urgent.)
He made the blood test h's trying to get done since weeks and said those important words: "A different doctor will have a look at you." (Which should happen tomorrow, otherwise I've some other tricks on my sleeve :wink: )


Well, at least she told such: I wasn't there nor was my mother. Because ...

We drove yesterday after lunch to join "the other family" for MIL's 89th birthday.
Thus, I couldn't goto mother's in the afternoon/in the evening.
And yesterday for the first time, a lady (via the nurse service) came to mother, "to keep her occupied" (officially for mother an adult student, who must do such for school - that worked pretty well some years ago, too).
Mother didn't want that really. (Today she said, it was quite okay.)

This morning, I wanted to pay some of mother's bills online. (I do all her businesses since my father's death 11 years ago; I've got a bank signatory/bank mandate for all everything since about five years.)

However, I couldn't get on her banc account. Phoned the online bank service. They told me, 'yes', I can't go there. I should ask for the reasons at the bank directly.
It came out that my mother phoned them and cancelled everything she had signed for me.

When I asked my mother about this, she at first said, she had done nothing, then that the bank had misunderstood me ...

But: she phoned them again, we drove there and everything was "restitutio in integrum" - like before.

I doubt, however, that all the trouble she had (going to the car, driving there, going through the bank .... plus the "conversation" with me) will be remembered longer than .... now.

------------


I suppose that my aunt will go or "be gone" to the hospital (be it the geriatric department here or a psychiatrc hopsital) by tomorrow, latest on Friday.

That would give me until Monday to "prepare" mother for the short term stationary care.


I do hope so!

Oh, I've shortened the complete story a bit. And didn't mention that my "caring-sometimes-by-phone" - sister called me this morning and not only demanded to get informed even when nothing changed but gave some 'good advice and solutions how it would work best'.

Sigh...Don't you just love those "helpful" siblings. I have a brother like that. Never acknowledges what my sister and I do every day for my mother, but more than willing to contribute "constructive criticism." Oy.

Walter & Swimpy- Welcome to the "club". My brother barely spoke to my mother for years. In the last few years, the relationship got a bit warmer. He never once asked me if she needed anything. I must admit though that he has commented many times about the great job that I did. Whoopi doo!!!

Walter--

Knock on wood--over and over and over. May the best-laid plans of Good Men actually happen.

As for your sister, the self-appointed supervisor.....

How do you say "whizz-bitch" in German?

I dealt with all financial and child-raising matters for a member of Mr. Noddy's family for 25 years. The woman's sister used to call from California to make suggestions.

Well, aunt's situation hasn't changed - only that she "can't" drink and eat now.

Mother got a parcel today from my sister: that doesn't lok like if they could come this weekend (BIL's family lives in my native town as well, btw).

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Phoenix, Noddy, Walter, Everyone - Pray that Clark House has a bed for Bob. Home is no longer an option.

Tomkitten--

You'll be in my thoughts.

I'm confident, Tomkitten, that it'll work out well.

(((Tomkitten)))

It looks like my aunt will have to go the hospital - with a compulsory hospitalisation.


Unfortunately for her (and my mother), however: I wont be a great help today. I had to call the emergency doctor and ambulance when I returned home this morning because Mrs Walter couldn't move in bed, had terrible pain ... They just left after 30 mins here, with her, to the hospital where further ineternistc and then orthopedic hecks will be made.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Oh Walter - why does everything happen all at once! You will cope, because you always do, but what a really bad time you are having right now.

I guess your priority list is Mrs Walter, and then your mother; your aunt will be looked after in the hospital so for the moment she'll be safe.

I'm saying my prayers and keeping my fingers crossed that you all get through this truly difficult period.

Shocked to hear this news Walter. Besides looking after everybody else, dont forget to look after yourself.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Learn something new every day! We have now found out, the hard way, that haldol doesn't always work - our local emergency room (and a very good E R it is) uses it as a first measure for very agitated patients. Unfortunately, some patients aren't soothed, but just the opposite, and it turns out that Bob is one of them.

We have now entered the surreal realm of language loss: Bob temporarily lost his English, and although the ER could call on interpreters for tongues like Hmong, they had no Hungarian speakers. The larger hospital to which he was transferred does, but by then he was calming down a bit, and direct communication was no longer essential. By yesterday afternoon the haldol was slowly wearing off, and his English returned, thank God, although he lacks the energy to speak much in any language.

Walter -- I'm so sorry to hear about Mrs Walter. Please give her my best wishes for a speedy recovery. I agree with Steve, the stress of your life these days is a recipe for a stress-related illness of your own. Please take care of yourself.

Tomkitten -- You've been going through a lot these past weeks as well. I hope Bob gets settled wherever it is that he needs to be soon and that you are able to find some time for personal release of your own stress.

Thanks, Tomkitten


Just as an info:



She came to "other" hospita in townl (that's Catholic - opposed to the closer Evangelical - because they've an orthopedic department thre).

Nothing really wrong with the bones > she had a terrible blockage which was 'manipulated' by the surgeon .... after she got quite a bit of morphin ... anf thus she's nearly without pain now.

They made a check for interior stuff before, got the results later. She stays now in hospital: suspicion of pulmonary embolism.

Packing the bathroom stuff now ..... and then off to mother/aunt after having been to the hospital ...