Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Sending good thoughts, Walter. Keep us posted if you can.

Walter--

What a week, what a weekend.

I'm glad Mrs. Walter is in a safe place, sedated and stablized. I'm another voice in the chorus of "Take Care of Yourself". You are the focus of four lives right now and this is a physical as well as a mental strain.

Tomkitten--

I'm glad that Bob is coming out of his drug-induced troubles. Is it absolutely impossible that he could come home? Or is skilled nursing care absolutely necessary?

You've been on a sadistic treadmill these last weeks. How are your spirits holding up?

Hold your dominion.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Noddy - It's not so much skilled nursing care as general supervision. He has very little strength and if he falls all I can do is try to slow the process down. He hasn't the strength to pick himself up, and I can't get him back up by myself.

There is also the coordination with the lifecare community where we live, and the hospital in which he is at the moment. The nursing home, Clark House, is just on the other side of a door; I don't even have to leave the building to go and see him. New England weather being what it is, I could be easily barred from visiting him at times because of snowy/icy conditions if he were in another facility.

As I write there is a meeting to make the decision. One of the things you give up in a place like this is a certain amount of autonomy: The decision to place him in a nursing home is no longer a matter for me to decide. He will not be allowed to remain at home; that has already been agreed, and I accept it, because I can no longer cope with the situation; he has deteriorated too far. So if I wanted to keep him at home we would have to leave Fox Hill, and he would end up in a nursing home anyway. To be honest, keeping Bob at home has become nothing more than a fantasy. The best I can hope for is that Clark House has a bed. So I am sitting here waiting for the phone call.

Walter - that sounds like some better news, but it's rough for you, trying to keep on top of so much. And you do have to look after yourself (easier, MUCH easier, said than done).

Good thoughts to TomKitten and to Walter, especially Mrs. Walter.

Well, it doesn't seem that much has been done until now (and the eekend already started).
She has to stay in bed, though (got a large notice on her bed), and the nurse thinks that some doctor might look at her more intensively either this evening or tomorrow.

TomKitten--

Old age isn't for sissies.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that there will be a bed in Clark House for Bob. When will you know?

*************

Mr. Noddy is on a bit of a tear. Iffy, family dog, housebroken for years and years, has been leaving puddles. I suspect a bladder infection and want her to go to the Vet.

Mr. Noddy is sure that if he calls and asks for an increase in the strength of her Pronin (which controls bladder leakage while sleeping) that he'll solve the problem without the Vet fees.

Since this has been going on for three days--me wiping up puddles and Mr. Noddy having been far too busy to make the commanding call, I'm getting a bit bitter.

This puts Mr. Noddy's back up.

I don't like living with a man doomed to a mental metabolism in increasingly slow motion, but I could handle the situation if the man in question didn't require that I slow my mental metabolism down as well.

All this is small potatoes compared to what TomKitten and Walter have on their plates this week, but I have to live in my own potato patch.

Walter, I hope she's resting comfortably. You get some rest now, too.

Hmm. Forgot a couple of things, whih obviously are urgently needed by females in hospitals. (I never would think of a hair brush :wink: )

Going there now (visiting hours from 9am to 8pm), then driving to mother's, closing the blinds, doors, talk a bit (my aunt went to bed at 5pm - which actually is not that big difference to lying on the coach all day) ...

Walter--

Hold your dominion.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Well, it's done. Bob is now officially a permanent resident at Clark House. Being the weekend, I expect that a lot of bureaucratic organization will have to wait till Monday, but he will be transferred from the hospital by ambulance this afternoon.

I haven't lived alone for the past 37 years. It seems kind of strange.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
I forgot my manners! I want to thank everybody for your support. It's amazing what a help you have all been - I'm not going to thank people individually, because there are so many of you who have made good strong companions on this journey.

TomKitten--

I repeat--Old Age isn't for Sissies.

At least the future is taking shape. Bob has a safe haven close by.

Sod widow...grass widow...golf widow...combat widow...nursing home widow....new times, new customs. You're still young enough to navigate new ground.

Hold your dominion.

He's in a safe place now, Tomkitten. You won't have the day-to-day stress worrying about his well being.

Walter, How is Mrs. Walter today?

All potatoes have a lot of starch and can effect your well-being, noddy. Take care of your own needs too.

Tomkitten - I imagine there are many differences after 37 years. Take some time getting used to new realities. You're entitled.

Walter -- how are all of your ladies doing?

The older not too good.

Mrs. Walter, well, we'll have to wait for the results from further checks which will be done tomorrow.

Walter--

In the States, the medical world takes weekends. Evidently this is also true in Germany.

My best to Mrs. Walter.

Hold your dominion.

Mental decline


One of the things is the bed. Bob always slept with a minimum of blankets, I like the heaviness of a pile of bedding. So I cut a blanket in two and put both halves on my side, as well as a thin old one doubled over, and a small knitted afghan, all on top of the big blanket that covers the whole bed. now that there is no need for different amounts of bedclothes, I find myself still doing it. He was always happy under just the big blanket and a light one on top of it.

And I look at the dish drainer where I keep our daily basic plates, and wonder whether it would be better to put away Bob's cup and saucer, etc or just leave everything as is, ignoring the fact that one set of everything will just sit there.

These things sound silly, but at this point I'm sure that I see things all out of proportion. Eventually I will develop new habits; already my daily schedule has been greatly reorganized so that I can visit Clark House a couple of times a day, which is much better than a daily drive to a hospital, and my fridge will look quite different in future - Bob is a fruit person, I am not.

I can do a lot of things I haven't been able to do, go places, see people, stuff like that, not that I ever grudged Bob a single minute. But the price of freedom is a bit high.

Tomkitten--

All the duties and sorrows of a wife while making the adjustments of a widow.....



Hold your dominion.

From my own Potato Patch:

I did not tell Mr. Noddy that if he needed rags in the garage he could use my blue gingham dish towels.

This is not the sort of thing I would suggest--particularly with a full drawer of rags earmarked for use in Mr. Noddy's garage and workshop.