Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

So glad to see you posting, Diane! No rush to this, but wondered if you would like me to cut-and-paste Bob's PMs to me on this forum; in a sense they really belong to you, as you were never far from his mind, whatever he may have said or not said to you at the time. Of course, if you have his password you can read our PMs on your own. Phone call records are sadly gone forever unless you have the latest Siemens-Nokia technology (that one intercepts and tapes everything transmitted over wireless networks) which I somehow doubt, as you don't seem very technically inclined. As I said, no rush, but since I don't know what the forum policy may be on deleting members' messages after their permanent departure, I thought I should ask. Btw, any news of the kittycat?

High Seas, that is a very kind offer. He often mentioned you and enjoyed the friendship you both had here on a2k.

I wonder if you could email them to me, as Bob PM's were directly to you and not posted publicly?

If you would like to post them here, if there is nothing in them that you wouldn't care to see posted on a public forum, then it is fine with me.

Anyway, in whatever form, I would love to read them.

Thanks for the kind words, Diane - sorry I didn't reply sooner as I've been marooned on Long Island with no internet connection for the last 3 days. Private means private, and should be respected even after death (imho, and I think Bob's also) so I'll send them to you by email as an attachment if you can PM me an email address. I think you'll enjoy reading them, he was obviously having a good time writing them. Love and good wishes

I haven't posted here for a while. My mother turned 102 in June. She's lost most of her memory but remembers me even though it takes some work to come up with my name. I may have mentioned this before (can't remember, ha!) but I always assumed that once you lose all memory of your life, you're no longer you. Not so. My mom is still herself in the most essential way. She seems happy and content. She doesn't get frustrated like she did when she was aware that she was losing her memory. She's found peace.

Thanks for that window into how she is, Swimp.

102, wow, think of the history she has been witness to. She's just run out of room to store all that accumulated memory.

How about you, Swimpy? Are you finding peace too? How are you and how is your home doing with all the flooding in Iowa that has been in the news this year?

I'm doing ok, BEndy. Thanks for asking. I haven't personally experienced any flooding. We had a flash flood in the area in July. The neighborhood where I grew up got hit by street flooding and flooded basements. The big floods are on the other side of the state. I don't think the Missouri River is expected to be back in its banks before October. That's some epic flooding right there.

I just noticed that I mangled your name Buttrfly. My device has an autocorrect feature with a weird sense of humor. Sorry.

Well, the day I had dreaded has arrived. We have to move my mom to a nursing home. The assisted living facility said she needs more care than they can provide. She'll be closer so that's good. I just hope she adjusts. It's going to be tough.

Hang in, Swimp. And your mother too, as peaceful as can be.

I wondered where you'd been, Swimpy.

best wishes...

Aarrggghhhhh......I do hope she adjusts well Swimp.

It won't be easy, all the very best for all!

Thanks all. Tuesday is moving day. I'm hoping she takes it in stride. She may just think she's going to a hotel. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway.

I'm rather sure, swimpy ,that it will be a smooth change of location!



Unfortunately, two old ladies (actually very distant aunts) had to do similar here in our house.

The younger one, 89, took care about her older sister, 98 years old.

The 98-year old "went on holiday" in a senior's residence (just temporarily in the moment - the 'real' relatives have to arrange further steps).
The younger is in a psychiatric hospital: deepest depression, because she couldn't (and can't) help her sister ....

Wishing both your mother & you all the very best for moving day, Swimpy.

My thoughts will be with both of you on Tuesday.

Yes, it's a very tough decision to have to make ... I understand & empathize.

Swimpy- I work with caregivers, many who have relatives in nursing homes. One of the first issues that is addressed, is that it is better for the relative to stay away, for at least a couple of weeks. This gives the resident a chance to adjust to the new surroundings.

Of course, it is a good thing for the relative to check with the staff, to see how the resident is doing. Once the visits begin, it is a good idea, to come, unannounced, at different times of the day. The relative should always check with the person on duty about any problems, concerns, etc. (but don't be a pest) Doing that, sends the message to the staff that this resident has an advocate, and can make a difference in the care that the resident gets.

That's so sad, Walter.....I do hope they can help and give her a happier time remaining.

I appreciate those comments, Phoenix. She is used to being away from us. She has been I an assisted living environment for 4 years. My sister and I are only able to visit once a week. I don't know what the transition issues are going to be.
I just expect there will be some. The good thing for me is that the new home is only two blocks from my house.

Yesterday was interesting. We went to get her in the morning. We had decided not to tell her beforehand that she would be moving to a new home. When we did tell her, she said "Isn't that wonderful!" We couldn't believe it. She said good bye to all her friends and the staff of her retirement home. We got her to the nursing home and moved in before lunch.

My sister and I stayed with her for about an hour. She seemed to be settling right in. Then I went back to take some more things to her just before supper. I think she was tired. She wanted to go home. When I told her she was at her new home, she started to tremble. She said "I don't want to stay here. I want to go home." I told her that I loved her and that she would be fine. The nurse was great and stepped right in and started joking with her while I slipped out the door.

It was heart wrenching.

It sounds like it went really well.