Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

She's in peace now, Walter.
And I believe you and your sister will make amends. A parent's death sometimes makes some grown-up children mature. Happened with my bro.

Sincere condolences to you and Mrs Walter - hope the church ceremony brought you and family some peace

Thanks.

Well, peace came to us, both of us.

If you don't mind, I'll ventilate a bit here.

Mass was at 2 pm. We arrived 20 mins earlier. My niece and partner came to us as well as one nephew and his wife. Talked with us as did a couple of neighbours and family friends.

My sister and BIL were already in the church, had left the first row for us, they all were in the second. (My sister's MIL was in the church, too. Not to miss: she was the only person with a light beige jacket and nearly white trousers. The youngest nephew and his fiancée didn't come: he had important exams at university - he's a latecomer and always has been his mother's darling; his friend is pregnant and they'll marry soon I've learnt from between the lines.)
We shook my sister's/BIL's hands in the church - the only contatc we were able to make with them.


The mass was really something mother had liked: all her favourite songs and carols, a lot of candles and flowers and even more altar boys/girls than usually.

At the cemetery, my sister/BIL waited quite some distance away until we arrived.
The short ceremony in the cemetery's chapel was ... well, mother really wouldn't have complained: candles, a lot of roses, flowers, ... and even quite some people attending.

SIster/BIL left the 'scene' after the actual burial. My sister didn't creep, scream, sob twice or three times during all that time.

Nephew/niece and their partners joined us for the coffee.
I talked with them nearly all the time, over this and that, gave some infos about mother's illnesses and what I had to do when, but we didn't talk about my sister at all.

We have been about 28 persons at the coffee - 14 relatives from BIL's site missing, including his mother (his siblings/family didn't be in church or at the cemetery either nor did they send any kind of condolences).

Mrs Walter and I were really very happy with all and everything.
We got a lot of support and understanding words, too. (nearly all of the early nurse shift from mother's ward were in the church/at the cemetery as well.)

What I personally liked best was that both my niece and nephew thanked me for arranging this day.

It sounds like you & your wife arranged things perfectly, Walter. I'm very glad you were both happy with how things went. And, as you say, your mother would have approved, too. What more could you ask for?

I'm glad you found peace after all, Walter. Also glad to hear that your niece and nephew were gracious enough to stay through all of the events and expressed their appreciation for all you and your wife have done for their grandmother. They seem to have been brought up right anyway.

I've ben there favourite uncle all the years.

Until ....

Walter, Dys and I send our deep condolences for your loss.

Since we have had the pleasure of knowing you personally, we know that you are a truly honorable gentleman. The time spent with your mother has been an example of being a good son, gentle and caring, even in the face of some animosity from your sister.

You may feel that your neice and nephew are not as close as they once were, but they made it clear on the day of the funeral that they care for you and honor you despite the feelings of their mother.

Now, perhaps, you and Mrs. Walter will be able to get away by yourselves and have tme to relax without the thought of obligations waiting for you when you return home.

We send our love and sympathy to you both.

Diane

Thanks again!

Well, we have been out over the weekend, in Holland (which is part of the Netherlands )

It really was/is surprising, what a little bit of geographical distance, a different language, a different land- and seascape can do.
(But we/I couldn't really forget, neither the death nor the work I've still have to do. But the troubled thoughts aren't there anymore, mostly, at least, not.)

Thanks again , Walter, for sharing this bit of life with us. I learned much.

Surpringly for most, but not really for me, mother's death revived my aunt: she is taking part now actively in nearly all what is offered for her group and speaks.
So she asked me for new clothing, gave me her watch to change the battery, ... ... ...
She didn't ask any question about the burial - and I didn't tell her about it nor show photos.

I've always suspected that she felt somehow suppressed by mother.

Oh Walter - You have my deepest sympathy.

I hadn't received any A2K posts for a while so I didn't know about your mother. She is at rest and you can rest too, at least in your mind - although of course there will be many things to take care of. You couldn't have looked after her better - you did everything you possibly could to keep her comfortable.

I hope your sister/bil will be wise enough to stay out of the way while you wind up your mother's affairs.

Thanks, Tomkitten!

I'm posting here because the last post was almost two weeks ago.

This is a valuable thread for people who need support during one of the most difficult times life has to offer.

Please, someone out there is probably wanting to post, but is too reticents to do so.

There are so many good people here who have valuable advice and those who might not have had the same experience, but who are caring and supportive of others.

That doesn't surprise me either, Walter.

Excellect point, Diane.

My aunt seems to have had a dream - like being at home, or similar - and got up last night on her own. (That didn't happen the last three years, she always went up with the help of nurse.)

A night nurse found her laying in the group's hall.


In the morning, aunt had pain all over - the weekend emergency home-doctor will have a look at her = hospital, I suppose.

Nothing really serious, it seems: she gets Novalgin against her pains. And doesn't talk to me and the nurses since it's our fault. And because of us, the doctor came ...

And so it goes, Walter.

I hope you won't find this so terribly distressing. You don't have such close emotional ties with your aunt, do you?

You and Ulla have been through enough emotional stress.

Best wishes to both of you.

No, not really. But still, I'm her nephew and closed relative (besides "my late parents daughter") and legal guardian.

The (handicapped) partner of my (heavily handicapped) sister-in-law died this afternoon.

He had leukaemia plus various other illnesses additionally.
Since he had made a living wiil, he was dismissed from the hospital to a palliative ward and from there to their home, since he wanted to die there.

The people - both staff and the other home residents were very helpful - to both of them.

We've returned yesterday from there (it's in my wife's native city).