Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

One of the hardest jobs I can imagine is to be a night nurse in a seniors home.

I'd thought, I'd posted this yesterday night already ...

Well, mother woke up or was already awake when I came in her room.

It was like when I was 19, 20: I heard you come, but you didn't say 'Good night'. (That was because I wanted to avoid that my parents noted the time I actually came back - I always came home a little bit after half past. )

Talked to her quite a bit, tried to calm her and to get some sleep.

Thanks, all.

Well, swimpy, I do know that a lot of relatives stay for a lot longer time period in hospital rooms generally and with their dying relatives especially.

Something I can't. (I don't know if's "the genes". But neither my father nor my mother liked such. [Well, of course my father liked to stay all day in hospital as his working place.])

Guilt is a powerful thing, Walter. It is also not so useful. Your love for your mother shows in your posts. You may not be able to stay for long visits, but you are there when she needs you. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I always found it very hard to stay long periods of time with sick relatives. Not that I cared less. Just could not do it.

Guilt and shame are both powerful and wonderful; without them we could not live as "civilized" social beings--only as a collection of mutually exploiting sociopaths. But we must be able to know which guilts and shames are justified and which are unjustified. I work hard to distinguish them in my emotional life. I try to be guided by the former and I try to challenge the latter. This is most difficult in the final days of our loved ones.

I have those problems quite a lot recently, I wonder why

--------------

Today (and tonight, I'm just back), mother was mentally doing quite fine (= on normal level of her dementia).

She even told me that she didn't have any pain (well, besides this morning when went on her own to the dentists and walked with some young children alon the town wall ... ...).

She had eaten nothing today, only drank half of a small bottle of a high calories energy drink, plus half a glass of coffee, juice, water (given, of course, in different mugs).

She's neither thirsty nor hungry ... ... ...

Mother didn't recognise (and understand) me this afternoon. (But she told me that she would tell Walter, I'd been there.)
Hasn't eaten (= energy drink) anything at all, isn't thirsty, but offers her drinks to who ever asks her to take it ...

I'll go and stay there for some time tonight.

checking in

Mother seemed to recognise me tonight. But was very confused - and it was hard to watch her. (And she heavily refused to drink when I offered it.)

Thus, I only wanted to stay as long as the nurse from the night made her first round.
Two ladies were waiting in the group's hall for that nurse (to get their sleeping pills) and talking loudly (mother's door is left open all day and night).
So, the nurse talked with them, loud, too.

And then mother asked me:"Do they know that you're still in here?" (The home's doors are shut at night.) She even could remember that I mentioned in the afternoon a new friend#s name and said that she liked her name. Wished me a good sleep and "until tomorrow morning" ...

All this makes me feel a lot happier.

No real change so far: mother gets more morphine since this (Saturday) morning.

"Eating" and drinking similar all the days.

She's sometimes doing very well re thinking/talking, but doesn't seem to like loosing .... me.
Therefor, it will go on ....


[My sister/BIL are obviously here.It isn't a sign of good character but I like it that they see mother ... a nurse, whose working part-time in the hospital as well, hasn't seen since Monday: she was shocked this morning, she said, when we both entered mother's room early.]

I'm glad your sister could find the time to come and see her dying mother, too. It's very big of her .

Following you posts here, Walter & thinking of you.

Well, I had to change my "schedule" not to meet her/them

(On a more serious note: they didn't. So no visit yesterday, when they arrived, no visit this morning - doing their usual breakfast-shopping-tour here, in the bigger town ... )
---------------------------

Mother had had 540 ml (18 oz) yesterday, any liquid and calorie drink together.

And 180 ml (6 oz) until 2pm this afternoon.

First time since days that mother wanted to sleep tonight. Seems, she doesn't fight anymore, has let loose.

(I don't know, if and when my sister has been there. Their car isn't in town anymore, and it could well be that this is mother "reaction" to her last visit.)

Fighting is exhausting.

I hope you can have a relaxing evening.

Me too.

Me too, Walter.

Thanks (but remember the time difference - it was already past 10pm when I returned yesterday).

Nothing new this morning, mother was still sleeping when I was there until 9am.

Mother didn't speak this afternoon.

Tried to inform my aunt with ... well, that mother was to weak to sit in the wheelchair, that she can't eat and drink ...

We'll see how she reacted later, tonight.

[Sister didn't visit aunt; nurses didn't notice her visit at mother. Which means nothing, but someone from the home's social service asked me, if looking at mother was completely on my shoulders (he wanted my permission to visit her) ...]

I've been with mother when she did she did her last breath, sleeping, at 21:30 h on this Sunday.

It seems that I've been the last person she saw, in the afternoon. Afterwards she fell asleep.

I have informed my sister with a phone call.
We will phone tomorrow again.