Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

It started Friday last week and culmated (I'd thought) on Sunday, when mother wanted vehemently to go home ...

Yesterday, it became worse - she made a kind of 'revolution' in the sitting room because she wanted to go in her room and bed. (The nurses had tried to get her up for time since today she had had her final dentist's visit.)

This morning, she was as 'normal' as usually. Didn't want to walk to dentist's (in the wheelchair, of course - it was cold, but sunny) but to take a taxi (distance is less than ½ mile).
Since she always liked being driven by a taxi ...

She was accompanied be a student nurse (in the last year, and one of her favourites). All went well until suddenly she made 'her revolution' in the dentist's practise, too.
The dentist finally (spare me to give the details here, too) send them to her GP/internist, who has his practise in the same house.
Mother 'mixed up' that practise as well.

She got some painkillers - she had said, besides others, that she had terrible pain. And the home got the advice not to send a person under such circumstances in any doctors practise.


Mother was "quietly suffering" all afternoon in the sitting room/her room - giving a picture that reminded my how she looked like when she had migraine decades ago.

This night, she made a 'revolution' again when getting supper - but was nearly normally talking with me afterwards (She had only a little bit headache, she said, because she had fallen. [Not true.])

So I will have some talks with various doctors tomorrow:
- with the dentist - asking him to visit mother in the home and work there (if not, mother will get our [and now my aunt's, too] dentist, who does home visits)
- with the GP: if he thinks that mother really has such pains, why doesn't he look for the reason (and send her in the hospital or to a specialist or ...)
- with her psychiatrist, if changing her medication can be any good (and get her general opinion, since she had visited mother last week).

Well, and when I've been there tonight, the ward's head nurse told me that my sister had phoned shortly before. She, my sister, wanted to visit mother (not because of mother's situation but because BIL had some business to do in our home town). And she ask about the time/periods when I usually visit mother because she didn't want to met me ... ....
Since I pass BIL's mother's home, where they stay when there, every day, I know when they are here. BIL has been here a couple of times - my sister has visited my mother only after her eight weeks stay in the hospital in September, the last time ...

Oops - that was quite a long response

Long?! You never heard Tante Ingeborg tell a story - yours was a miracle of brevity by comparison. Your signal-to-noise-ratio is fine.

I remember my mother broke/lost her dental bridge. We took her from the nursing home to the dentist but she suddenly refused to cooperate; he said he couldn't handle her, we had better take her home; she claimed that something he did - the mold material, I think - had exploded. Oh my oh my!

My post seems to have got cut off somehow. Anyway, she claimed something - the mold material I think - had exploded in her mouth.

About three weeks ago, my sister came for a short visit to our hometown.
After having visited mother, she heavily complained (even at the court) about mother's teeth - I had, however, told the nurses not to make stress, either mother (= not to force her take them) nor to themselves (=trying any odd minute to get those teeth in).

If it was her wish ...

I succeeded the other day, just talking to her.

Last week, my sister was there again. (I really didn't see her and BIL when they entered through the main door - I truly had to look at the steps not to fall down ... )

She got a "dramatic-lachrymose-nervous-breakdown" in the hall, in front of the nurses' office. About mother's general condition. Which was worse than she had ever thought. And no-one was really caring about it or telling her ...

Well, mother had indeed been not too good that Tuesday. But it was average - compared to the last couple months.

But her condition became worse during last week.
(My sister got another breakdown when she phoned her on Friday night [though she stayed all week in our hometown, she didn't visit mother another time]: mother was "talking nonsense", the 'usual stuff' one nurse told me ...)

Today, my mother was sleeping - a longer than usual afternoon nap - with open mouth and open eyes, something I'D never seen with her.

The nusrses will call the doctor tomorrow: she's complaining about various pains, but nothing is to notice by the nurses, she gets painkillers ...


I could imagine that she (or better: the body) now really is tired ... from fighting against all and everything ...

Mother just weights 34 kg now, and additionally refuses to eat (and can't as well, due to her weakness).

She gets yoghurt, various calorie and energy drinks, which she likes (but doesn't know what it is).

In it, she gets her medication, mortared and pestled, in the above mentioned drinks.
Additionally to the painkillers she already got, she is now plastered with a "pain killer plaster". (No wonder she has pain: there are only the nerves between her skin and bones.)

The nurses said, according to their experiences, it could be a matter of days .... or months and even longer.

Walter - I feel for you - and for your mother. It's a very hard situation all round and your sister certainly hasn't been helping. Anyway, you all have my prayers.

Yes, Walter, it does seem like it is her turn. Ours will come soon. As I see it, our task is to bear it well, and to sympathize with each other.

Thanks.

Since I know that humans aren't 'built' for eternity and since being nearly 90, having survived all her 50+ classmates besides one ...

I'm glad that I'm prepared. I think, she is as well.

Thanks again.

Walter, it's hard to see our loved ones get consumed.
Good that you are digesting the idea.
A hug.

Oh my... 34 kg. I hope that she is comfortable. Hugs to you and Mrs. Walter.

Actually she has gained weight: it was down to 32kg.

I think that she's feeling more or less 'comfortably' if there wasn't the pain.


We wanted to inform her friend (former classmate, 11 months older) about mother's situation. But she knew about it since she had visited mother on Sunday - for a few minutes, she couldn't endure the whole situation any longer. Which is quite understandable.

(Thanks, Swimpy and fbaezer.)

Walter, I forgot to mention that my step-mother passed away last week. She just faded away at the age of 96. What could have been better? Now she has achieved her absolute peace. Her sister, a retired catholic nun agrees.

Sorry to hear that about your stepmother. But I'm glad that she's found her peace.

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We don't have an hospice in my native town but a very good and active hospice association (volunteers).

They are visiting my mother now (nearly 24/24 on her bedside).

The morphine plasters are working as well - she looked very peaceful and ... happy, all the times I've been there today.

Thanks, Walter.

Mother can't held the phone anymore.

She liked that the ladies from the hospice visit her.

The house's pedagogic/social service has arranged that cd's with some smooth, classical music are being played in her room - which she seems to like as well (though she'd never been a real fan of such music).

I'll drive there and visit her at night now as well.
It might be the last time I see her alive - any time I'm there. (I could imagine [and hope, when looking at her] that her final peace is close, very close.)

You're a good son, Walter.

Yes, you are a good son, Walter.
Everytime I see that there is a new post on this thread, I expect the announcement that your mother has passed. She's a strong gal, isn't she? And you are a strong son: you are facing up to the reality of her decline with patience and grace. We are priviliged to accompany you--at least partially--in this ordeal.

Checking in. Agreeing with Swimpy and JLN on all counts.