Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Tomkitten- I am happy that things are going well for you. I have insisted that Mr. P. does not use salt. I don't cook with salt, but yesterday, I made a pot roast. I added nothing but garlic (not garlic salt) but used a lower salt Pritikin vegetable broth as the liquid in the recipe. It was a pretty big piece of meat, andI used no other salt. Mr. P. complained that the roast tasted a bit too salty. So there must be something to the concept that if you get used to not eating salt, after awhile you won't miss it.

We're just back from a very depressing visit to the seniors residence.

Mother was really very well doing for nearly four weeks - we all wondered when the nrxt deep would come.
It came two weeks ago, after her friend (one year older, 89) told her, which Christmas markets she had driven to, what exhibitions she had visited ..
So mother "decided" that she was fit and healthy and could leave the hospita, at Christmas latest.

While at was more or less a minor topic (besides that she phoned me any second day - she hasn't phoned us for more than half a year - only to ask at what time I'll would bring her home) all went along as usually.

Today (on Christmas Eve is traditionally the evening/night when you get your presents) we thought that we visit her in the 'time window' between the home's Christmas celebration and the Christmas Eve mass.
She had taken all her stuff out of the bathroom, cabinets and cupboards, drawed off the bed clothes, aired the room ...

My sister (and family) might come the next days (or not).
So the trouble will go on ...




A merry Christmas to all and families and friends!

Happy New Year Mr & Mrs P, Foxfyre and family, Tom Kitten and Walter....

to you all... and to all of yours. x

Now mother's dementia seems to get worse - I wonder how long at will take until she doesn't recognise me. (She only addressed me with my father's name sometimes, for about three years after the stroke.)

Aunt is doing as usual - with the great surprise for all and everyone, namely that she "hugged" me on New Year's Day (kind of at least, but such was the first time since ... 30, perhaps 40 or even more years.)

I understand what the long goodbye with a loved one is like, Walter, and it is not easy even when we become resigned to it. My Mom died of lung cancer in 1983--yes she was a heavy smoker--but she still had all her mental faculties at that time--dementia is very uncommon in her family. But my husband's father was diagnosed with Alzheimers before he died though the symptoms had not become severe and were still intermittant at that time. His Mom gradually faded away along with short term memory and ability to recognize people until she died on her 100th birthday. That was harder. I can see that it worries hubby when he is unable to recall something that he thinks he should recall though such phenomenon is quite common to all of us when we reach a certain seasoned status.

Happy Birthday to everybody and may 2009 be a far sight less stressful medically and mentally for all of us than 2008 has been.

Speaking of dementia, make that Happy New Year up there instead of Happy Birthday.

Walter - you'll be sorry to hear (as will Thomas, to whom I had promised a visit with Tante Ingeborg (v Z) that she was in the hospital again, though she's now back in her home; she's been calling me by my mother's name for some weeks now. The first time she did that, I tried to explain who I am, and that my mother is long gone. I couldn't get her to understand who I was - instead, she looked at me in horror and said: "Then you must be a ghost, have you come to warn me that the end is near?"

At the hospital the doctors told me it's not a good idea to try and correct such delusions; it only makes the patients fearful or even paranoid. They don't even know if it's true dementia or mental confusion caused by the very strong drugs (related to morphine) she takes for spinal stenosis resulting from several falls from horses in show jumping - she was a noted equestrienne in her youth - as dementia doesn't run in the family. Hope that info helps with your mother's persistence in calling you by your father's name. Btw, I will be in Berlin later today, send me e-mail if you're in town next week - I know you visit often. I'll be in China after that, so not posting for a while. A very happy 2009 to all

Losing one's memories is not always a bad thing.

All the best for your aunt, High Seas!

I'm here - but won't be able to drive to Berlin I'm afraid.

Based on my experience with my late wife (who suffered the dementia of brain cancer--for a couple of years--I think it is important to relate to our demented loved ones IN THEIR WORLD (on their terms). We only frustrate them and ourselves when we try to force them into rationality (into our worlds).
My present wife talks long-distance on the phone with an old demented friend (an Alzheimers victim), and they carry on lively conversations which her friend seems to enjoy immensely. When I ask my wife what they talked about she says that it does not make enough sense for her to reconstruct for me, but that her friend enjoyed herself.
I hope loved ones will do that for me if and when I become demented.

I recommend getting or watching
The DETA Brain Series-May be purchased from UA (Alabama) Public TV
1-800-463-8825

Some progress has been made there is some evidence to suggest Vitamin E
may slow the onset and psychiatric symptons usually respond to medication howver no treatment at this time is known to stop nerve cell death in
Alzheimer's disease

Remember the patient is dealing w Confusion, Anxiety, Loss of Self Esteem, Irritability and often depression.

Try and approach the patient from the fron, it may startle themif you touch them unexpectedly. Try and maintain a regular routine. Often alzheimer patients have difficulty dealing with change. Ask only 1 question at a time and give the patient time to respond, if there is no response repeat the question usine the same wording and keep it simple. non verbal gestures may help in communicating to the patient what you wish them to do. Break down all taks into simple steps. If the patient repeatedly asks a ?, remember that he cannot remember the answer you have just given. Instead of answering the question after a 3rd or 4th time perhaps you can reassure the patient that everything is fine & that you will b there to help them.
Do not argue over the correct answer. Patients are often confused and they may be speaking in their reality. If they say it is winter even though it is the middle of July, it may feel like and look like and be what "winter is for them.
Also Touching is on of the greatest communicator of love.

Learn all you can and remember your role is to comfort and transition the patient throught the phases as well as to give daily care.

Good Luck--One day @ a time helps...

duce!!!

It's good to see you.

Thank you, Dulce. Very helpful information.

Thank you, Duce. Very helpful information.

Hey Phoenix FF et al


Hows Mr P doing? Signs of recovery.... BP?

thinking about you all... take care. x

During the last couple of months my mother (besides all the usual ups and downs [more downs actually]) fell quite often, got some haematomas, a broken and a two compressed vertebrae.

After consulting the family doctor and having had a talk with her neurologist on Friday, we got a date for a CT this noon.
Which was a bit of more stress (for others, not my mother), since she fall again this morning ... ambulance, six stitches for the wound on her head, then to our hospital here.

Something is funny with my A2K communications - this is the first I've received in several weeks, so I haven't been following everyone.

Oh Walter - you and your mother are going through a really bad spell. I hope she will be more comfortable soon, and that you can relax at least a little.

So sorry Walter. It is tough duty being caretaker of one who no longer can do that for herself or himself. And sadly, the older we all get, those of the generation ahead of us do require more and more care. There is the pain of them hurting and being able to do nothing to alleviate it and the worry whether we are doing enough and the guilt of feeling that we are neglecting them when we have to continue living our lives.

I took Duce's words to heart too. Hubby's mom died on her 100th birthday a few years ago but was lovingly cared for in a wonderful nursing home for many years. There was the evening we went by to see her and she was mad as an old hen. She had never heard of such a thing. They brought her FISH for breakfast! (Actually she had been napping and woke up just as they were bringing her dinner and she thought it was morning.) We knew better than to upset her further by correcting her and she soon forgot the offense.

The home she was in was a true blessing for her and all the rest of us too. Her family was there often and also helped tend to her needs, but when she was alone, we knew she was safe and never neglected. Her dementia and frailties made staying at home and having any quality of life impossible. I wish such a facility for all who need such a place.

Thanks, Tomkitten and Foxfyre.

Well, actually, my mother is quite fit .... compared to others.
And she "feels" even better, wants to go 'home' any other day.

But then ...

Well, the home is really doing what they can ("one of the best homes in the state" I've heard today in court).

That's the other thing. Hubby's mom also wanted to go home and couldn't understand why we wouldn't agree to that. Sometimes her daughters were in tears because Mom blamed them for putting her in a place she didn't want to be. But, when we would take her out for dinner or just for an outing, it would not be long before she was saying that she needed to be getting home--back to the nursing home--where she was just pleased as anything when we arrived.

Like I said, it is tough duty.