Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Izzie wrote:

Phoenix32890 wrote:

Nope- I recently got the news that I need an aortic valve replacement. I am not happy with the hospitals in my area, so I am spending a considerable amount of time researching hospitals and doctors.

I feel like a car with 100,000 miles on it!

Oh Phoenix.... I must've missed that news if you posted about it... so sorry that's all going on for you - researching the hospitals is a good plan - you need to be as comfortable as you can feel with any sort of surgery - it also gives you back some control of the situation... so keep reasearching until you find the right place. How soon/long before surgery??

I feel like a car with a 100K too.

What a bunch of beautiful classic cars tho a? :wink:

I like that metaphor, Izzie. We're classics, and it is okay when we need a bit of maintenance because we're worth it. Smile

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Foxfyre wrote:

And that's not fun either. Did you get a second opinion or do you not think that necessary? Very good idea to research doctors and hospitals in the path of serious surgery.

That is what I am doing this afternoon. My first thought was to go to a major heart center like the Cleveland Clinic, but I think that might be too problematical. Mr. P. is having some problems now himself, and traipsing off too far away from home, for what may be a protracted period of time, may be too traumatic for both of us.

I found a hospital about 40 miles from here that has a decent record (HealthGrades), and has done 1,000 open heart operations last year, including more than 500 valve replacements. (The AMA suggests that for valve replacement, a hospital should do at least 150 a year.)

I found some doctors who trained in Texas with Denton Cooley. They sound promising. I think that I will give them a call.

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I just spoke to Mr. Noddy.

Noddy is in hospital. Lots of testing is being done. He says that he's been told that things will be fine.

I asked Mr. Noddy to let Noddy know that her friends are thinking of her when he speaks to her later today. He said he would do so. He seemed quite pleased that I was calling from another country, "from all over the world, heh!".

I told him I would call again tomorrow to check in, and that I wanted him to take good care of himself over the next few days.

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ehBeth- Thanks for the update on Noddy. I am so glad that she is under medical care.

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Oh thanku EBGirl for doing that. I hope they will find out what is going on with Noddy and that she will get some peace of mind just from having the tests done.

Do you know who is looking after Mr.N or was that a little difficult to ask?

(thanku for finding out) x

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In addition to hopefully getting a hospital phone number tomorrow, I plan to ask Mr. Noddy a bit about his mmm plans.

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Yikes, I didn't even know there was a problem with Noddy! Will be thinking of her.

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Thanks EBGirl.....

as Noddy would say to any of us....... at least tonite she is in a safe place and I hope they will wait on her hand and squishy swollen feet and knees and she will get some rest too with medical professionals nearby.

(I'm so glad she went to the hospital - the agency nurses will have to take care of MrN whilst she is there, one would think).

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Thank you EB for making an uncomfortable call like that to satisfy us.
It really is appreciated.

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I needed to make the call, WolvieMom, for all of us.

After the last little incident where I/we'd been concerned, I pm'd Noddy to let her know that I was literally minutes from calling to check on her when she'd resurfaced. I don't think she'll be too surprised to hear that I called (if Mr. Noddy gets the message right - or close to it).

I'm hoping that Mr. Noddy's interest in getting another INTERNATIONAL PHONE CALL will be enough to keep him somewhat near home tomorrow.

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Thanks for calling, ehBeth. I'm glad Noddy is being tended to.

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Ditto

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Likewise.

Glad to hear that you're moving on with some intervention too, Phoenix. Keep us posted -- we care.

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I had to catch up with Phoenix's news..... damn. Will you all just stay perfectly fit from now on? I'm glad you're doing your research. Not only is good for your outcome, but also for your peace of mind.

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Oh, whew! I am so relieved to hear that Noddy is in the hospital! I've been worried about her ever since she posted this morning. Thank you for calling, ehBeth. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Phoenix...how soon do they want you to have the valve replacement? Are we talking "immediate," or sometime in the next few months?

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Eva wrote:

Phoenix...how soon do they want you to have the valve replacement? Are we talking "immediate," or sometime in the next few months?

Actually, I would like it done as quickly as possible. My cardiologist says that so far, my heart has not been affected. Over time, if I do nothing, I can go into congestive heart failure, and then things would become all the more difficult.

The thing is, I am still confused about which way to go in terms of doctors and hospitals. I got a good recommendation about a surgeon from a doctor whom I trust. I then found that the hospital where this surgeon practices has lousy statistics.

All this has happened in the last few days. I just got into a roaring fight with Mr. P. who insists (as always) that I do things HIS way. He means well, (and is usually right). The problem is that I am attempting to gain some control over my life, and whenever I have an idea (even if it is impractical) he shoots it down.

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Hey Phoenix

Mr P may be right... BUT... control over where, how and when (unless emergency treatment) needs to be in your control to actually start recovering before you even go in. That may sound weird, but if you make the ground rules, they are YOURS - it's your body, your surgery and you own the feelings. So even if Mr P is right - and obviously he will be worried and all that... you still need to keep that control (even if you end up agreeing with his thoughts and make the decision to do what he has suggested). You have to be happy with this...as much as anyone cn be happy about any surgery. If your mind is confident about where, how and when - then you will find it less intimidating to go through with - and more in the driving seat.

Good luck hun - keep us posted Smile

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I am just learning of Noddy being in the hospital. Good thoughts for her
and hopefully Mr. Noddy is kept of the steering wheel at home.

Phoenix, all the best wishes to you too. Don't fret about the hospital too much, the surgeon is the most important part in this. If you have a good one,
that's all that matters.

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Phoenix32890 wrote:

Eva wrote:
Phoenix...how soon do they want you to have the valve replacement? Are we talking "immediate," or sometime in the next few months?

Actually, I would like it done as quickly as possible. My cardiologist says that so far, my heart has not been affected. Over time, if I do nothing, I can go into congestive heart failure, and then things would become all the more difficult.

The thing is, I am still confused about which way to go in terms of doctors and hospitals. I got a good recommendation about a surgeon from a doctor whom I trust. I then found that the hospital where this surgeon practices has lousy statistics.

All this has happened in the last few days. I just got into a roaring fight with Mr. P. who insists (as always) that I do things HIS way. He means well, (and is usually right). The problem is that I am attempting to gain some control over my life, and whenever I have an idea (even if it is impractical) he shoots it down.

Let me guess. He's a sexagenarian (or somewhere in that ballpark) who has been successfully in charge of things for all or most of his adult life and is now finding himself to be less in charge and less essential than he used to be? He's worried that he isn't as young or strong or capable as he once was? He needs to be in charge of something he feels secure about and he therefore attempts to be safely in charge of you meaning that you can't be allowed to be in charge?

I call this the second mid life crisis.

The first usually happens in the mid to late forties when we realize that we're at or past half way and we realize life may not be quite what we had envisioned; at the very least we're running out of time to get there. The second comes when we think that we're on the downhill side and the 'up's' in our future are going to be less frequent and impressive. All of us go through these stages as we age I think, but I think it affects the guys much more than the gals.

So, my advice is to humor him but do what is right for you. I think they actually admire that but they usually never admit it. Smile

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Foxfyre- You have it right. In the last couple of years, there has been a decline in Mr. P, who always looked and behaved ten years younger than his real age. I think that he believed that his youthfulness would never change. He is now acutely aware of his mortality.

Another difficulty is that he has some problems that we were planning to take care of. He is not feeling very well, and that is making him very cranky. The thing is, that his problems are not life threatening, so my valve trumps his medical issues.

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