Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Oh Noddy - I do feel for you.

Mr Noddy's evening "mental disorganization" may be "sundowning" which is a common feature of dementia. Have you spoken to any medical/social services people about it?


This, of course, is a major MAJOR difficulty.

I take it you haven't been able to make much progress with rescinding Mr Noddy's right to drive. You don't need the stress involved in his driving, but it may in the long run be less than the stress caused by his continuing to drive, so it certainly seems worth it to continue pursuing.

Take as much care of yourself as you can. We're rooting for you.

TomKitten--

Mr. Noddy's doctor is getting another letter this week. Mr. Noddy will see him again early in July, supposedly to check on pain meds.

At the moment my personal survival skills are functioning at "Savage", but my conscience is clear.

Mr. Noddy does indulge in sundowning, but he's flexible enough to be a Damn Fool at any hour of the day or night. Last night he was unable to realize that 10 p.m. is not Prime Time for dropping in on friendly neighbors. He felt social and he was going to find some social life.

I'm very touched by the care and the concern of the strangers who brought him home.

i would say he has skated past the borderline and my first thought would be to get rid of the constant pain killers.
But I am no doctor.
I just know those make any sane person lose their ever loving mind after long periods of use.

Anyway.. I have no advice to offer, just simulated internet hugs and some candles in my space for you.

Any chance of bringing that doctor's appointment forward, perhaps via a discussion with the doctor?

Mental Decline


I remember the first time Bob began to wander, the mall guard who helped me find him was incredibly kind.

I don't want to have to rely on "the kindness of strangers", but strangers can be really amazingly kind.

An Id bracelet comes to mind as well..

Mental Decline
ID bracelet, especially MedicAlert - very good idea. I've worn one for years, and believe me, hospital people (the only ones who've had the need to check it, so far, thank God) really do check. Also, with all his meds, Mr Noddy could get into a peck of trouble unless he had some information on him to indicate what he's taking.

I always kept updated records of my meds and Bob's in my wallet; I arranged his by time of day which was a big help for medical personnel, BTW.

Shewolf--

Mr. Noddy's Internist attempts to keep his meds under control. He met Mr. Noddy in the ER when Mr. Noddy was over-medicated and in a coma. Unfortunately, Mr. Noddy's shrink is a pharmacutical sort of man.

Osso--

No chance of moving the appointment forward. If Mr. Noddy is disorganized/disoriented enough, I may be able to sit in.

For the last ten years I've banned Mr. Noddy from my medical appointments because he wants to talk all about himself to my doctors. This has wounded Mr. Noddy's feelings. He likes talking about himself with doctors.

TomKitten--

The Kindness of Strangers is wonderful.

Mr. Noddy is a labeled, long-term diabetic. He's also M.I.D., Parkenson's, heart bypass survivor, Man with Bad Back, Man beginning kidney failure....

*******

When Mr. Noddy got out of bed at 1:00 this afternoon I had a hissy fit which didn't do much for the Level of Harmony in the universe, but venting made me feel better.

He still feels that getting lost a mile from home and not being able to work his gearshift in a Strangers driveway (with his headlights shining through the Strangers' windows could happen to anyone.

He is contrite about my setback in progress--although, you see, I never explained that the protein imbalance and vanishing muscles were serious!

The ER is still a possibility. He just made very heavy weather of plugging in a new electric blanket. A five minute project (done, undone, redone and all) took nearly an hour. It is finished only because I did my Little Red Hen act.

This morning he forgot how to take his blood sugar readings.

He's done nothing but sleep and get into trouble for the last 46 hours.

I'm hoping that the exercise of moving furniture and stringing electric cords will help.

He wants to say that electric blanket cords would be complicated for anyone....but they weren't for me and he has memories of being a jack-of-all-trades and successful practical engineer.

Venting is good.

Venting is good, as is the occasional hissy fit. Stress will find it own outlet -- better a hissy fit than you're insides taking a further beating.

Oy gevalt!

Yes, venting is good.

It seems like some sort of line has been crossed. I'm not sure what to do about that though. Do you have any sort of plan B lined up? If he becomes impossible to handle, then...?

JPB--

Thanks for the moral support.

Soz--

First step is taking away the car keys.

Then, we shall see how he does with a domestically secluded, supervised life.

Oh my, so much time has passed since I was last on the thread, that I feel guilty for not keeping in contact more often.

Walter's trip here did him some good by just sitting out on the patio and photographing birds and enjoying the sound of the fountain. And he had all the time he wanted to drive around New Mexico taking pics and looking at the scenery. He also was a very good guest--quiet, patient, independent, so that I didn't feel that I had to keep him entertained.

It was enjoyable to see him relaxed, sitting and doing nothing (between photos).

Noddy, now should be your time to come sit on our patio and relax watching the birds, reading trashy novels and letting your mind rest. If ever you can make it, we will welcome you with open arms.

Dominions to hold in the face of ill health while living with someone who doesn't recognize any but his own problems, self-centered sisters, supicious about not mother, but about money--not much has changed during the time I've been neglecting you. That, I'm sure, is one of the hardest truths to deal with, the knowing that it is going to be the major part of your lives for some time to come.

Thinking of both of you and sending good, healing, relaxing thoughts your way.

Diane--

A gracious invitation from a gracious lady. Thank you.

Someday.....

Thanks, Diane.
It was really a great time, and the best recreation I could imagine!


(Strongly recommended; Noddy :wink: )

Car keys. Check.

Oof. Hope at least that one thing goes as smoothly as possible.

Take care.

Noddy, I recall my father's doctors telling my mother that giving up the right to drive is extremely distressing for a man. It takes away their independence in a way that they can't accept.

His situation was slightly different in that he was in the hospital at the time that he was obsessing about not having his car keys, but we were encouraged to give him a set of keys to a different vehicle just so he'd have a set of keys.

I don't know which will be more frustrating to Mr Noddy -- not having any keys, or having keys to a car that won't work in his car.

What a good idea, JPB. A small act can make a huge difference.

Yesterday morning I had four medical appointments. I hadn't realized quite how much muscle mass I'd lost until I found walking from the car to the various lab sites and up and down the hospital corridors exhausting.

I earned my carnation for behaving during my mammogram and all the preliminary work for my IV session on Thursday is completed.

When I got home Mr. Noddy was bustling fretful. Rather than fight over the car keys or his Masterful Time Table I drove on a series of small errands. He was very foggy mentally, napping in a chair while I straightened out some small tangles with the Car Dealer and the Rental Car Company.

We stopped for gas and he proved completely incapable of working the pump.

We're still in the "it could happen to anyone" stage of reasoning.

I was exhausted--foolishly tired, given my physical and psychic limits.

Today I'm hoping for personal R&R--as much as necessary clothes shopping can be a recreational activity for me. Having some summer shorts for summer weather should be worth the effort.

Unfortunately, Masterful Man is talking about driving down to square away the car loan from our Credit Union. He is not safe driving at all--let alone in urban traffic. I don't know the area and he can no longer function as a coherent navigator. "Right" and "left" aren't automatic concepts any more.

With luck, I can organize one of his sons....

I'm tired of imposing on my friends.

Monday has been accomplished. Tuesday isn't quite as complicated.

********

Mr. Noddy still has enough of his marbles to know the difference between "real" car keys and placating car keys. He wants his keys, he wants his freedom to roam and he wants his fine mind back.

His wants are not going to be met because that's not the way life is.

I hope he starts accepting reality with some grace and courage instead of pouting and tantrums.

Pouting and tantrums are going to be what you get. I cant cushion that. I have seen it too many thousands of times.


As for the keys.. the next time you are near a home depot, walmart or any other place that will cut a key, explain to the guy who is doing the key cutting and have him file some of it off.
It will never work again. But he will have his keys. And he will have a valid excuse for " it can happen to anyone" because his very real keys, to his very real car, dont function correctly .... and you can sleep for a few hours on end knowing he can not go anywhere

Shewolf--

As long as he's legally allowed on the road, I'm helpless.

Today I can head out for lunch and shopping safely. Yesterday he insisted on going to hang out with his coffee buddies a half a mile away. When I went out to run errands this morning, the car wouldn't start.

No engine noise at all.

He's immobilized today--with his very own logic problem.