how to restart an affair

Yeah, I don't think you're going to get much help on this one..

Yeah, I think he got his answers on this, on his first thread.......

look i know you think the whole thing is wrong but was just looking for answera as to how to handle things for now withouy pushing her away futher

Find new friends.

im back in an affair that ended 2 years ago.... well- let me be honest- it never really ended- it has jsut been very on again off again for the last 2 years. we have been together a total of 5 years. i am going to start searching to see if that is the longest affair in history.
but i see you are really getting no good advise on here- and i am sure i am the worst person in the world to be giving anyone advise- but i know i was just begging for poeple to read my post- so i could talk to someone about what is going on.
2 years ago- i left my job where i had met and started having an affair with John (yes- im a woman- a cheating woman- most people on here find that to be astonising- like only men cheat). when i left my job- i walked away from JOhn- i just stopped having any contact with him- i ignored him- i didnt answer his calls- emails or text for months! i was determined to make my marriage work- and it wasnt going well with John involved.
i finally could not take being away from him- he was my best friend and i needed him in my life. however- getting things started again- a bit more tricky. before- he was single- i was married. now- im still married and he has a fairly serious gf he lives with- and he is not willing to take the risk he once was- he doesnt want to loose what he has now- its not great- but its better than being alone.
if she lvoes you- she will come back- but be patient- and dont push it. and i know it is frustrating. i have been there. we have fought a hundred times about why he wont sneak here or there- and why he wont take teh same risk he did before. we are getting back to the place we once were- but its taking time. an affair is not an easy 'relationship' to keep going. continue to be her friend- and listen to how things are going in the new marriage renewal stance she has taken. you will find that if it didnt work once- its not going to work now- and since you still talk to her- odds are- she will confide in you like im sure she did in the past abotu her troubled marriage.
just dont make the same mistake i did- i ignored him- and i gave him teh opportunity to move on- he still loves me- and like i said we have started seeting eachother again- but he is in a much different place now.
are you single? maybe this is your cahnce to make your move and improve your situation- i didnt and now im still in a misserable marriage and John does not beleive it will truely every be different- he believes as much as i lvoe him- i wont ever be with him completely.

Why not make a clean cut and get divorced? Why on earth would you remain in a miserable marriage? We only live once, make the best of it!!

I tell you why your "affair boyfriend" doesn't want to continue: he has a girlfriend now and he doesn't want to betray her. Good for him!! He seems to have more sense than you!
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As for the OP: leave her alone! She's trying to work on her marriage and you should go and find someone else who is not attached. There are millions of women out there who are available, good luck!

my marriage is safe and looks good in society. we are similar in age- both college educated and make good money. we have a great house- and get along well....most of teh time- it is a marriage of convience. he is the person i take to work events and to family picnics- it looks good.
as far as my affair boyfriend- i actually am the one that pulled away from him- even though he has a new girlfriend- he was the one that wanted to keep seeing me- and kept contacting me. i cut ties and stopped all communication with him- but he came back. he doesnt want to get caught this time. he got caught last time with me- and it ended his relationship. he lived alone for a while- and he where i am now. this girlfriend shows up at family gatherings and events- he can talk about her at work- and she is someone to share a house and responsibilites with- he's is not as risky as before- but he still continues to see me- text me- and we make time to be together.

Alba, these are your words not mine "........i didnt and now im still in a misserable marriage".......

That's why I asked you if you're this miserable in your marriage, why stay in it. Surely, there are plenty of educated people out there who make a good living, this can't be your reason for staying in it, can it?

I personally would put much more importance into my own life than selling myself short in the manner you do. One day you might regret staying in a marriage for all the wrong reasons, but you can't change time then.

Alba

It sounds to me that you married for "family" - "culture". They are not always right. Marry someone who has a good educuation, makes a good income, ensure you too are educated and make a good income and eventually, you will fall in love with him.

That's not the case. You may be "friends" but look what is happening? You miss the emotional attachement, someone loving you.

As CJ stated, it's not a reason to remain married. You can find someone to love you and be there for you who is still educated.

Is this your life? Or your familys.

RESPECT her decision and find someone who can love you without all the hassles...

thank you for your kind words and thoughts..i just saw this today sorry. i am in the same place but am feeling better...she is on vacation this week..i start counseling this friday...i just value her friendship so much i dont want to lose that if the other comes back it does if not at least i still have her frienship...how are things going with you? i hope well...if you want to answer back feel free take care

There is something very seductive in this "problem".

You seems to enjoy all the excitement.

A healthy person would turn away and not have anything to do with a cheater - double that.

Unless you are willing to break this addiction to him, nothing will change.

There's Love and then there's Idiot Love.

I share your pain. I feel its finding new interests for you and trying desperately hard not to fall in the same trap again. To save yourself from more pain. I am here if you need to talk. I share the same issues.

I'm brand new to this forum, but I was wondering if you were able to move on from the affair? I broke no contact recently after ending the affair 8 months ago. My feelings for him are still so strong and no matter how/what I've tried they're still there. Although I ended things (I'm married so is he) I wasn't able to move on...and I tried everything, every piece of advice (prayer, meditation, exercise, activites, being with friends) nothing worked. Now we're back in touch by email and the connection is still there so strongly. He hasn't suggested seeing each other and neither have I but (and this does sound like a cliché) we're still so connected to each other. Just wondering how you are coping with it and if you were able to move past it?

You people make me f**king sick!! why cant you stop being so gutless and tell your husband the truth - that you are unhappy. You are a worthless piece of **** who deserves to live a very lonely life and i hope you die all alone.
Go to hell.