5
   

Confused 15y old

 
 
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:30 am
I don't know this forum, nor do I know if it's normal to ask about falling in love and or being rejected, but I'll give it a try, so here we go.

Hi. I am a confused young man at the age of 15. Yesterday I came home from a christian "confirmation camp" that lasted for 2 weeks, under which weeks I developed strong feelings for one particular girl. At the camp, she flirted with me and we talked to eachother pretty often, and I got the impression of that she actually liked me, which I thought was great because I liked her very much.

Anyway, I will go back to day 3 (I think) of the camp. This was the day that I started getting feelings for her. I talked to her for the first time, and we seemed to have alot in common, we had both lived in the same place as kids, and we had similar interests. OK so, after this day, I started feeling like she was a nice person and we kind of became friends. The day after, on "freetime" we sat in a big room, kind of like a living room with comfortable chairs. Anyway, some confirmanders (those who were getting confirmed on the camp) were sitting there and just hanging and talking with eachother. Suddenly the girl I like(d) said : "I have such neck pain, anyone here good at massaging?" and she asked her friend and roommate : Can you massage me? and the girl said No you know I'm bad at that.
Then my roommate and friend randomly said as a joke that I'm good at massaging, and she asked if it was true, and coincidentally it actually was true because I sometimes massage my parents and actually get money for it because they think I'm good at it, so I told her that yes I am good at it. And she let me massage her, and I massaged her for a good 10 minutes, while we also talked.
In the camp we had funny program aswell, like competitions and games, and in all of those I was in her group in competitions etc. So we talked alot and got to know eachother, and it seemed as if she was flirting with me now and then.

Anyway things were like that the whole first week, then we all went home for the weekend, sat-sun, and then back on monday for our lessons again. I talked to her on facebook and tried to keep in touch with her under those 2 days aswell.

So when we got back to camp, things were pretty much the same, she flirted sometimes, I flirted back and tried to be really nice and caring, and we talked alot.

So, 2nd week, on thursday, we were watching football EM, all of us in the "TV-Room", and she just randomly again said that she has a bad neck, and I said I can massage her again if she'd like me to, and she said yeah if you want to sure. And so I did, and I really tried to show her by moving my hands on her shoulders etc in a way that I liked her, she allowed me to massage her like that aswell. Things were however pretty much the same after.

The following day (the last day of the actual camp) friday, in the evening we had some fun program once again, with games and funny things with eachother in the camp. So there was this game called "The gentleman-test" in which all 5 boys, and 5 willing girls had to do a random non-planned "sketch".

My roommate and friend was first, he just joked through it etc, the game would work like:

Game Leader: OK, you want to ask the pretty girl out, but you have to get her parents permissions, what do you do?

And 2 other camp leaders acted as parents. So he had to talk them into letting him go out with their daughter etc. and then the leader would say random situations that he had to handle to make the girl feel comfortable etc.
(I said all of that just to give you an overview of what the game was about)

Anyway, I forgot to say that, ironically, among the 5 girls that wanted to participate, the girl wanted to aswell, and all of us 5 boys and 5 girls stood there, and the leaders chose who we were gonna be with, I don't remember however if we were assigned or not but I think that me and the girl I liked got assigned to be with eachother in the game aswell, or I actually just walked and stood next to her.

So when it was the 2nd guy's turn, he joked and didn't take it seriously obviously Razz So the girl I like said to me "I hope you're a better gentleman, right? Wink" and I was like yeah sure, and she said "Try to be serious and don't be like them" I was like okay, yeah.

And then when it was our turn, I approached the parents, and said :
"Hi, I just moved in next door, I really think your daughter is cute and I would like to take her out."
The "father" was happy with the fact that I wanted to take his daughter out and that I thought she was cute, but the "mother" didn't like it etc etc, not relevant, anyway, I succeeded in the test to go out with her after charming her parents.

So, in the play/game we walked towards a cinema, and the leader said :
"You are walking in the forest, and suddenly you see a river in front of you, and you need to get over it, what do you do?"

The other guys had done everything from telling the girl to jump herself and building a bridge, I thought that was boring, so I simply picked her up and took her in my arms and jumped over Smile she thought it was funny and didn't mind.

Anyway, we had some situation to deal with in the "cinema watching the movie" aswell, that I dealt with blabla.

Then same thing on the way back, I took her in my arms and jumped over the "river" that actually was a blanket.

Every other guy had tried to be funny and didn't take it serious, whilst I tried to have both fun and take it seriously. So, after everyone had done this, we voted for the best gentleman. I won without problems, 2 boys voted on eachother and everyone else voted for me.

So the camp leaders said "Okay, we think that the gentleman should take icecream first! Smile" (we had this game in the dining room of the school that the camp took place in). Anyway, the girl I like and who was the girl in the test with me, said "But what about me?" as a joke, and I actually said "You can go first" and she said that was sweet and cute of me, and all the girls were like "aaaww" xD. Anyway, in the end of the day, we had this thing where you write your name on a paper, and let it go past every other confirmand, and you wrote one or more things about this person.

As a matter of fact, I know what she wrote on the paper about me, and also obviously you can tell the difference from what a boy wrote and what a girl wrote. Anyway, I will go ahead and just say what was on the paper when everyone had written something about me (you could choose if you wanted to write who wrote it to be anonymous or if you wanted to say who you are, I will just assume if a boy or a girl wrote, and I pretty much know what all the boys wrote) anyway :
- THENEVERENDINLAUGH (written by a boy)
- A funny man with alot of love to women (also written by a boy)
- We had fun playing hold 'em (written by a boy)
- Coffee addicted man (written by a boy)
- Girl charmer who charms everyone near him with his happy mood and bright smile. (written by one of the leaders, a man)
- Really friendly guy with a sharp mind! Helpfull gentleman (also written by one of the leaders)

then what the girls wrote about me:
- The coffeeman
- A guy who likes coffee, you have beautiful eyes, a sweet smile and you are a really cute girl charmer Smile
- Coffee lover Smile Positive, gentleman.
- A polite and super kind and sweet campbuddy! =)
- The gentleman of the camp! Positive and talkative Smile
- The gentleman of the camp =) and a nice guy.
- The girl charmer of the camp who is talkative and really kind Smile
- The coffee and hard to push in the water guy. You're also kind and funny! (the push in water thing is something that happened in the camp, she tried to push me in the water and didn't succeed Razz)
- The charmer of the camp, and a really amazing guy with a nice and good personality. Cute smile! (written by one of the leaders, a girl)
- It has been such fun to learn to know you even better. What a CHARMER! Smile (also written by one of the leaders, a girl)

Here is the one that matters:
- Suuuper kind and cute. It's nice that someone laughs at my jokes... Wink
(Written by the girl I like)

On the night, I talked with my both roommates, who knew I liked that girl, and they said "So when will you ask if she likes you?" I said "I won't" and they both said "Oh comeon man you have got to be kidding me? Haven't you seen how much she's been flirting with you and how much you both like eachother, she's let you massage her 2 times for crying out loud! It was so obvious today that you like her when you tried to impress her etc on the gentleman test Razz"

I said, well even if I like her it doesn't mean she likes me just because she's so nice to me and a bit flirty..? And they said of course she likes you.

So you can imagine why I thought she likes me. So if you actually read all of that, which I doubt anyone would, the day after, saturday, we got confirmed. (if you don't know what confirmation is google it or something, it's a part of christianity, a ceremony or something)
So after all of that, we took our goodbyes. Everyone in the camp hug eachother, and I hug all girls, and then when I hug her, it felt really close, and she held onto me for about 8 seconds or more, while everyone else it was like 3 seconds. It honestly felt like she liked me.

Anyway, when I got home, later that evening, I told her on facebook when she wasn't online "Hey, I want to talk to you about something, so tell me when you can talk Wink"

Later that evening, when I saw her online on facebook, the conversation overall looked something like this:

Me: Hey! Did you see what I wrote earlier?
Girl: Yeah, we can take it now if you want to Wink
Me: Okay, so under these 2 weeks with you and everyone else, I've developed strong feelings for you, I mean not just normal love, but I'm in love with you. And if I'm not mistaken, I think that you've felt the same way sometimes? Because I don't know but usually no girl would ask me to massage her..
(and alot of more stuff I said I can't remember I guess)
She took a long 3 minutes or so to reply untill I said
Me: It's okay, you can be honest if you don't like me..
Girl: Well... I kind of noticed that you liked me. And I really appreciate that you have the courage to be so honest and say it, but I don't like you that way.. I really like you but not in that way.. And I'm soo sorry if I made it look like I like you by letting you massage me etc, I usually try to be honest, so sorry if you got the wrong impression. But you are a real gentleman and a really nice guy!
Me: Okay.. and it's okay, I mean it's not like it's your fault I like(d) you..
Me: But we are still friends though right?
Girl: Absolutely! No one can take that away from us!
Me: Okay, I'm glad I said it even though you don't feel the same.
Girl: Yeah! And hope to see you somewhere soon Wink maybe on that camp we confirmanders talked about
Me: I don't know, I usually don't go to those, but we'll see.
Girl: Okay! Anyway, I will keep uploading photos now, take care of yourself Wink

I'm heart broken. I will add that this is the first girl I've ever felt this strong about and not just about looks, I love(d) her for the way she is.

You may think this is mostly me whining but YES I do have a question.

Do you think that she would like me if she knew me better?
I've only known her for 2 weeks, so I thought maybe I should just keep talking to her on facebook as friends so that we can get to know eachother better?

And those Wink in the end of her messages everywhere are SOO annoying, don't know what to think she means with that.

And she actually said I'm cute, which is why I thought she likes me. Anyway, should I keep trying by just talking to her occassionally and hope that she realises that she likes me if she does? Or should I completely give up on her despite all the flirting and the massages, or should I ask her why she wanted ME to massage her etc?

Just so confused.. I got the impression of that she likes me when she apparently didn't, please give me some tips, should I really forget her or should I keep trying or just try to talk to her and stay FRIENDS with her..?

Regards, if you want to know more about the situation ask.
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jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:37 am
I'm sorry this girl led you on.

These things happen.

But recognize that you are a bit complicit in this, by perhaps thinking things were further along or more serious than they were. The massaging thing - definitely flirting. She may not acknowledge it, but it is. Getting you to touch her, and in a fairly intimate fashion, is pretty classic flirting technique.

I think the error you made was in telling her you loved her when what you should have been saying was that you liked her, and wanted to ask her out. It's like a scientific formula with 100 steps. She's on, maybe, step 5. You're on step 87. It's confusing and, to her, alarming. Hence she pulls back.

I don't think you can salvage things, but you can try. Just say something like, "I'm sorry I came on so strong. But I do like you. Can I take you out some time?"

And be prepared for her to probably say no but possibly say yes. If she says yes, great! If she says no, then you tried, and you were sincere and you, I hope, learned from this. Learned what, you may be asking? To not skip steps 1 - 86. Do not cut to the chase. Okay? Smile
0 Replies
 
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:52 am
When I was 19 I asked a girl out who I really liked; I had a really strong feeling that she liked me too in that way; I was taken aback when she said "I'm sorry I don't like you in that way". I really felt my intuition had let me down. Anyhow fast forward 2 years. I was with another girl, we were very serious, and I was in a bar and I met the first girl for the first time in 2 years. She seemed pleased to see me and bought me a drink. She said "You know, I really fancied you two years ago." I said "What! but I asked you out and you said no." She replied "I wanted to see how hard you would try".

I was so annoyed that I left the drink (hardly touched) on the bar and turned my back and walked out. When I told my girlfriend about it she said "You're just teed off because you now know that you should have tried harder". I didn't think so then, and I don't now. Personally I get on best with people who are honest about their feelings and don't play games like that. So one point of view says "If says she isn't interested, respect that and move on. If she was pretending not to be interested that's her loss." Another point of view says "Don't give up just yet. Keep in touch and persist a bit." After all, you have nothing to lose.
YoungGuy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:59 am
@contrex,
Wow.

You made me realise that if she came up to me after a year or two and said she likes me, I would literally rip my eyes out of the frustration.

I don't know what to think.. she even said "I hope you don't think that I tried to "play" with you by letting you massage me etc because I really didn't mean to"

If I talk to her again, give me some suggestions on what to say...?

Like: "Hi, I'm sorry I came out strong, I just like you and wish that we could see if this could develop to something" ?

Please give me some suggestions..

Appreciate the quick post though

@jespah, Good point, I think I will try a bit further. But then again I don't know if she actually IS playing with me by trying to see how much I will fight or something.. Just a very weird situation to be honest..
Thanks for the quick post. If you have some further tips or something post please..
EDIT: Also, as a reply to what you said "I don't think you can salvage things, but you can try. Just say something like, "I'm sorry I came on so strong. But I do like you. Can I take you out some time?"

You have no idea how unusual it is to "ask someone out" here where I live Razz I live in Finland, and people don't date here, it's more like when you get older you might ask someone to get a cup of coffee or something but I have never seen someone ask a girl to go somewhere with them as anything other than friends.

Of course I could probably ask her phone number and text her if she wants to hang out sometime to do something, I just have no idea what we would do either.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 10:16 am
Well, I'm on the female side of things, and I think she's not being honest with herself re telling you that she didn't really mean it. Sorry, but that's a load of BS. She may even believe that about herself but, 15 year old boys + extended touching of 15 year old girls = flirting and intentions kinda don't amount to a hill of beans. It is going to be read like that, and that girl is going to find herself in rather serious trouble if she really believes that it's not tempting.

You are a nice guy, and you did not take advantage. Not everyone is like you (see, you really are a gentleman). There are other guys who would have been a lot more insistent.

I think what you've got is all you really need to say. Because it'll come down to a yes or a no. And if it's a yes, we can't prepare you for that. Smile

And if it's a no, then there's nothing to rehearse.
YoungGuy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 10:36 am
@jespah,
Just to be sure, you think I should go for it and try to get to know her better and just ask her out or ask her to give it a try? And yes it will probably be a no, and then if it is a no, I will probably see her again on the reunion of the confirmation class and on camps etc, that's not a problem though.

Anyway, in other words, I should try to talk to her, and ask her to do something sometime? Oh I actually have the chat with her still, so I will check now and see if I forgot some important detail.

The conversation once again:
(After I told her all of how I feel blabla)
She: Well, you're incredibly sweet and cute, but I don't think I'm in love with you... You're really super nice and I had a feeling that you liked me but... Wink It has been really fun to be with you and everyone else and I hope that we meet again soon and that we still can have fun together. I appreciate it soo much that you're so honest. You're really great. Wink
Me: Okay, I'm glad I got it said ;p
She: Yeah but it is... and really I appreciate it sooo much that you're honest!
Me: Just forget about it Very Happy I just wanted to know how you feel because I don't know but I've never met a girl who just randomly asks for massage and who it's so easy to talk to like you, anyway I just want you to remember how incredible you are, you have such a great personality and you're cute and funny, just remember that.
She: I'm really sorry if I made it look like I was in love with you. I really didn't mean to. I usually try to be straight on and honest so that it doesn't get worse... and I really HAVEN'T tried to "play" with you. I hope you understand that...
Me: yeah but that's not why I liked you ;p absolutely not your fault, I don't want you to think I'm angry or disappointed at you or something, oh well but we're still friends though right?
She: OF COURSE!!!! No one can destroy that!
Me: Very Happy
She: You're really great and I like you very much, but just as friends! Wink but a real gentleman, you are! Razz
Me: Thanks Smile
She: haha! ;D hope to see you soon. Wink

Soo yeah if you wanna read it or someone do, because it still feels with those winks Wink and that she keeps saying I'm really great and that she hopes to see me soon etc.. I just don't know if I should try again but in a more careful way or just forget about her?
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 01:23 pm
Texted speech is exceptionally unclear, even when people know each other well. So recognize that the winks could mean almost anything, including a sticky keyboard. Smile

I suggest asking her out. You know each other already, so that part is essentially done. And I think she's in pretty deep denial if she doesn't realize that (a) you like her and (b) you would want to ask her out. If you didn't, she'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Truly, she should not be surprised at such a turn of events.

So ask!

And on the phone or in person, okay? 'Cause via text is a lousy way to start and maintain a relationship, plus she can weasel out of a decision and continue to string you along with winks, etc. On the phone or in person, you'll be able to gauge things much more accurately. Yes, you are putting her on the spot a bit. But you will you get your answer.

I still predict a no, by the way, but you'll know, instead of this pussyfooting around.
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 01:57 pm
@jespah,
jespah wrote:

I still predict a no, by the way, but you'll know, instead of this pussyfooting around.


It is good to get some practice at this. It loses some of its terror.

0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 02:32 pm
@YoungGuy,
YoungGuy wrote:

Me: Okay, so under these 2 weeks with you and everyone else, I've developed strong feelings for you, I mean not just normal love, but I'm in love with you. And if I'm not mistaken, I think that you've felt the same way sometimes? Because I don't know but usually no girl would ask me to massage her..
(and alot of more stuff I said I can't remember I guess)



The above jumped out at me.
Through your whole story, both before and after the above, you speak of liking her.

Do you think perhaps that declaration of love freaked her out, put her off?

It's one thing to let someone know you like them, but to announce love is an entirely different matter.

I suspect a lot of the other things you "forgot" may give some clues as to her backing off a little.

You played a game at camp where you had to pretend to approach a girls parents and ask for permission to ask her out.

IRL, this girls parents probably monitor her facebook account.
If I were a parent, I'd be alarmed if a boy was telling my daughter he loved her. I'd find it acceptable learning from her she met a boy at camp, and he likes her, but not the other.

Perhaps either she's mature enough to back off when someone she's known 2 weeks talks about love, or her parents instructed her to do so.

Perhaps you can back off the talk about love, and simply let her know you do like her, and would like to continue to talk to her, if that's all right with her. Let her see that you're not pushing her into what she sees as something too serious, and she may come around.

I don't see her as a tease at all.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 02:57 pm
Another element is that it sounds like you were the "catch" of the camp -- the nice, sweet one who was charming the girls.

Sometimes girls get into this competition thing where they want to be the one who bests the other girls and gets the attention of the guy everyone likes. That's sort of independent of how much they like that guy, one-on-one.

So when she was at camp, she may have been doing things that helped focus your attention on her. When it was just the two of you, in private (on Facebook), though, that was a little different.

Also, as a former teenager I must say, not all of this is so linear and calculated. As in, it's not necessarily that she had one specific mindset or goal, and stuck to that throughout. I was very confused a whole lot throughout that age range. I'd like a guy, and then wouldn't be so sure, and then would like him more, etc. Without any malice or calculation. (Ugh, contrex, your former girlfriend sounds horrible. I apologize on behalf of my gender. Can't stand those kinds of women.)

If I had to hazard a guess as to what happened, from what you've said so far, I'd guess:

- She genuinely liked you in a general, non-romantic way.

- That started getting a bit more romantic.

- She enjoyed that you seemed to be singling her out for attention over other girls.

- She did things to encourage more of that attention.

- She didn't necessarily have any specific feelings for you one way or another, was still seeing where things were going.

- Your abrupt statement of love (yes, way too soon) threw her off.

- The unexamined/ indefinite feelings solidified into "eek!"

- She felt a little bad about that, and tried to stay friendly and upbeat (lots of smilies/ winks).

- I don't think she's setting out a challenge for you that you're supposed to "try harder" a la contrex's ex -- if you tread gently you may get things back to where they were before the "eek," and then things may progress from there. But I'd say the chances are smallish.
YoungGuy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 03:48 pm
@sozobe,
I think I might have explained what was said wrong, the exact words were:

"These 2 weeks with you and everyone else I have come to get strong feelings for you, I mean not just normal but alot, and sometimes it has felt like you felt the same way... etcetc"

I didn't really say anything about love, just hard to explain what I meant in english since I live in Finland and usually speak swedish :p

however she also made it clear to me that she wants to see me again...
"It's been real fun to be with you and everyone else and I hope that we can meet soon again and still have fun together"
and she also said "I hope to see you again soon Wink"

So to sum up, she thinks I am:
cute, gentleman, nice, sweet, kind, great, good
but she doesn't think of me as anything other than friends, she made it clear by saying "well... I really like you ALOT but just as friends! Wink"

My friend said that she could realise after not seeing me that she likes me, but doubt that will happen either.

Anyway I think I will just try to get over her, since I blew it by telling her how I felt too fast, and tbh I think I got stuck in the friendzone pretty quick.

She still confused and it still confuses me that she let me massage her not once but TWICE when she even knew I liked her, because she said "I had a feeling that you liked me Wink" when I spoke to her, which I don't understand, because there's no way I would let anyone that I know likes me and I don't like back massage me TWO times.

So thanks for all replies. Apparently I'm supossed to be a girl charmer and cute and gentleman and sweet when I actually didn't even know that's how I stood out as, I just tried to be myself really.

And she flirted with me sooo much that it made me confused, with the massaging and randomly touching me, and calling me cute and sweet etc... Just don't see why one would do that without having feelings for the person you do so to.

If anyone has anything else to say, go ahead, otherwise, thank you...

Regards.
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 03:49 pm
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:
(Ugh, contrex, your former girlfriend sounds horrible. I apologize on behalf of my gender. Can't stand those kinds of women.)

...

- I don't think she's setting out a challenge for you that you're supposed to "try harder" a la contrex's ex


She never was my girlfriend - she knocked me back when I first asked her for a date, so she was never my 'ex' either. Looking back, I later felt I had a lucky escape. I mean, if she was into making me jump through hoops just to start going out with her, how many more, (and what kind!) would she make me jump through to stay going out with her?

0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 04:06 pm
Personally, and this seems to be the opinion of others here, I don't think you've blown it, or should give up quite yet.

As soz said, just tread more likely.

Even if you didn't use the word love, it sounds like you pushed a bit too hard, like jespah said, skipping from where you should have been at step 5, all the way to 87, when she was ready for step 5 only.

Her saying "just as friends" may have been her way of saying "slow down"
YoungGuy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 04:23 pm
@chai2,
Maybe. I thought she might be a person that takes time to get to know someone or who doesn't fall in love with someone straight away.

So I don't know..? Should I keep talking to her more like a friend and get to know her better and see if things go my way?
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 05:36 pm
@YoungGuy,
[Danny]
Summer lovin' had me a blast

[Sandy]
Summer lovin' happened so fast

[Danny]
I met a girl crazy for me

[Sandy]
Met a boy cute as can be

[Both]
Summer days driftin' away, to uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]
Uh Well-a well-a well-a huh

[Thunderbirds]
Tell me more, tell me more

[Doody]
Did you get very far?

[Pink Ladies]
Tell me more, tell me more

[Marty]
Like does he have a car?

[Everyone]
Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh

[Danny]
She swam by me, she got a cramp

[Sandy]
He ran by me, got my suit damp

[Danny]
I saved her life, she nearly drowned

[Sandy]
He showed off, splashing around

[Both]
Summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those summer nights

[Everyone]
Uh well-a well-a well-a huh

[Pink Ladies]
Tell me more, tell me more

[Frenchy]
Was it love at first sight?

[Thunderbirds]
Tell me more, tell me more

[Kenickie]
Did she put up a fight?

[Everyone]
Uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-huh
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 09:48 pm
@contrex,
contrex wrote:
When I was 19 I asked a girl out who I really liked; I had a really strong feeling that she liked me too in that way; I was taken aback when she said "I'm sorry I don't like you in that way". I really felt my intuition had let me down. Anyhow fast forward 2 years. I was with another girl, we were very serious, and I was in a bar and I met the first girl for the first time in 2 years. She seemed pleased to see me and bought me a drink. She said "You know, I really fancied you two years ago." I said "What! but I asked you out and you said no." She replied "I wanted to see how hard you would try".

I was so annoyed that I left the drink (hardly touched) on the bar and turned my back and walked out. When I told my girlfriend about it she said "You're just teed off because you now know that you should have tried harder". I didn't think so then, and I don't now. Personally I get on best with people who are honest about their feelings and don't play games like that. So one point of view says "If says she isn't interested, respect that and move on. If she was pretending not to be interested that's her loss." Another point of view says "Don't give up just yet. Keep in touch and persist a bit." After all, you have nothing to lose.
This is probably the first time that we have agreed about anything, Contrex.
I accept the first point of vu.
When rejected by a young lady,
I think that is a really GOOD time to begin respecting her privacy.


I know what NO means.





David
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Jun, 2012 10:56 pm
@YoungGuy,
YoungGuy wrote:
Anyway I think I will just try to get over her,
since I blew it by telling her how I felt too fast,
and I think I got stuck in the friendzone pretty quick.
The best advice I ever heard about social relations with the ladies was:
"Don 't take them too seriously."


Do u know about "approach-avoidance reactions"??

The MORE that u care about the result,
the more fearful, nervous and prone-to-error u will be.

The LESS u care about the result,
the EASIER it will be to approach them
and less painful to accept negative results.

If u wish to reduce emotional pain from this rejection,
u can make it more comfortable by turning your attention
to her faults, flaws and negative characteristics.





David
0 Replies
 
sozobe
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Jun, 2012 08:10 am
@YoungGuy,
"Strong feelings" is pretty much the same, though. Still too much too soon.

I know some people swear by the "friend zone" theory but that just hasn't been my experience. Plus I know a lot of people who became romantic after they had been friends for a while.

Sometimes love is a crystal-clear bolt of lightning -- both people instantly know they're attracted, and they're both available, and that's that.

Sometimes two people have absolutely no romantic attraction even if they like each other as friends, and that's that.

But I'd say that the vast majority relationships that are potentially romantic (i.e. two single people who are of a sexual orientation to be attracted to each other -- a male and a female if both are heterosexual for example) fall somewhere in a much murkier middle.

And while I understand that people want it to be un-murky -- either she likes me or she doesn't! -- it just doesn't always work that way.

I don't think you should put too much store in the "let me massage her" thing. It's perfectly consistent with a mindset where she liked you as a friend and was open to the idea of maybe liking you more but hadn't decided anything yet.

As in, it wasn't that she DIDN'T like you at the time, necessarily, just that she hadn't really made any conscious decisions yet one way or another.

There's also the matter of whether you actually have enough basis to decide on these "strong feelings" of yours. You know that you find her attractive and that what you've seen of her you like, but you don't actually know her that well yet.

Give it time, tread lightly, see what happens.
joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Mon 18 Jun, 2012 08:48 am
@YoungGuy,
YoungGuy wrote:
- THENEVERENDINLAUGH (written by a boy)
- A funny man with alot of love to women (also written by a boy)
- We had fun playing hold 'em (written by a boy)
- Coffee addicted man (written by a boy)
- Girl charmer who charms everyone near him with his happy mood and bright smile. (written by one of the leaders, a man)
- Really friendly guy with a sharp mind! Helpfull gentleman (also written by one of the leaders)

then what the girls wrote about me:
- The coffeeman
- A guy who likes coffee, you have beautiful eyes, a sweet smile and you are a really cute girl charmer Smile
- Coffee lover Smile Positive, gentleman.
- A polite and super kind and sweet campbuddy! =)
- The gentleman of the camp! Positive and talkative Smile
- The gentleman of the camp =) and a nice guy.
- The girl charmer of the camp who is talkative and really kind Smile
- The coffee and hard to push in the water guy. You're also kind and funny! (the push in water thing is something that happened in the camp, she tried to push me in the water and didn't succeed Razz)
- The charmer of the camp, and a really amazing guy with a nice and good personality. Cute smile! (written by one of the leaders, a girl)
- It has been such fun to learn to know you even better. What a CHARMER! Smile (also written by one of the leaders, a girl)

Given these descriptions of you and the length of your initial post, I have just one piece of advice for you: cut back on the coffee.
0 Replies
 
YoungGuy
 
  2  
Reply Mon 18 Jun, 2012 09:07 am
@sozobe,
Well said, however I did get to know her pretty well, and we had alot in common. I wouldn't tell someone I got strong feelings for them out of their looks, she doesn't even look as good as some of the other girls at the camp, but I like her looks and who she is.

However, I cannot force things to go my way, I will simply try to talk to her now and then and try to keep in touch with her as a friend and see where things go.

Regards & thanks to all of you for your answers!
 

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