Life crisis

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Okay so, I’ve just turned 20, I’m an incredibly attractive female (not being vain, well perhaps a little, but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of self-confidence right? Hehe kidding). Well anyhow, at the age of 11 I was sent to an all girls religious boarding school, so up until the age of about 18, I had very little contact with males. Having said that, I’m extremely comfortable around both genders. I’m also the centre of attention among family, friends and especially men. I’ve been on several one off dates, but never been in a relationship… I’ve just finished my first year of university and in this semester alone I’ve been asked out by over 25 guys, no exaggeration, yet I’ve preferred to stay friends with them all. I’ve been so happy my entire life, so now I’m afraid that a relationship could mess me up, mess me over… and I’m afraid of getting hurt. Plus, my family are insanely religious (tragic I know) and so aren’t accepting of pre-marital relationships and would destroy me like they destroyed my sister if I was caught in one (but that’s another story), so I’m forced to hide many aspects of my life. But I have bigger issues at hand. I’m a virgin, and like many females out there, I have many insecurities about my body. I’m also quite a multi-talented girl, and so being unskilled in the bedroom hurts my pride, I think? No no no actually, it just really embarrassing. Because of my confidence around men, my seductive appeal and ability to give great advise to people in relationships, everyone believes me to be an expert in the arena of love. I’ve never affirmed these assumptions, yet never denied them either (it’s a tad late too). People, what do I do? There’s this one guy who’s interested in me… AND I reciprocate the feeling, hoorah! We’ve kissed and touched wildly, but the moment we near sex, I push him away. He probably assumes that I’m playing hard to get, and believe me, he loves the chase. Alas, it’s the insecurities I hold about my body combined with my lack of bedroom skills that prompts with to say no. I need some good, sincere advise people. I’m well aware that practise makes perfect and so on and so forth, but I need a way to expel these fears. Thank you beautiful people, and much love! XXX

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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 787 • Replies: 3

[+4] - jespah - 06/14/2012You are not the first person in the history of people to talk a good game without really having experience. Next time this guy tries stuff, say, "I feel uncomfortable. I have a confession...

@iloveyouall,

You are not the first person in the history of people to talk a good game without really having experience.

Next time this guy tries stuff, say, "I feel uncomfortable. I have a confession to make. I'm not experienced in this area. It's not that I'm uninterested; it's that I just don't have the experience."

Nice people will either back off or will at least offer to make you more comfortable. This may or may not lead to relations - the idea here is respect. If this guy pushes and does not attempt to make you comfortable then I think you know you shouldn't bother with him any more, yes?

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@iloveyouall,

OK...you might want to look at some of the experiences you mention from a different perspective.
If you're from a small town, you may very well have been Miss Hottie...as big fish in a small pond. But university offers plenty big fish. Another thing the university has plenty of, is horny guys who are looking to get laid. So, of course, they're going to go after the hot girls or those girls appearing to be low hanging fruit.
If you're afraid of relationships and/or afraid of being hurt, in some way, that fact is going to manifest at some point during a long-term dating relationship. If you really like the fellow, it could be your own insecurities that "mess you over"
Whatever you hide will surely spell doom for a serious relationship. It's dishonest. You will want him to be honest with you, right?
Now, if he is honest with you, yet you are harboring secrets or posing as someone other than who you really are, and if you are running along with him all the way to third base and then don't want to play anymore when it's time to round the plate to home base, he's going to drop you. It's college, it will take him 10 minutes to find someone who will not tease him. Considering you are in college, guys talk. You have to be careful that you don't piss someone off by being disingenuous.
I don't think the question should be "What do I do?"
IMO the question for you should be "What do I NOT do?"

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@nqyringmind,

What to say - take your time.
In the meantime, if you haven't already, read up and check out birth control and std protection.

I was not bad looking as I entered university but not in any way a hottie. I took many courses with mostly men, as I was pre med in the early sixties (I remember a class where there were three women in about two hundred). A couple of those guys became good school friends, as in I went to their weddings. I was naive beyond belief, except that I had started reading and gathering friends that were different from those I was used to. Big wake up that kept continuing.
My first dating experience was strange - a premed fraternity guy who kissed like a fish on New Year's Eve (nothing more, good grief!) and took me to the Rose Bowl the next day where he and a frat friend talked football the whole time, ignoring me, who knew a fair amount about football but was the shyest woman on the planet. I just pouted, which of course I recognized a while later as very lame.

My second experience was my first love, not to last but memorable for its good effect on me and I presume him. I had barely noticed him before he asked me out, except that he was cute and smart. He was across the lab table in a chem class. I could say not my type, but I was too naive to have a type and I've progressed to think typing is dumb. I quickly became crazy about him and he showed me what sex could be. He was sharp in a lot of ways, knew a lot about art and literature and culture and science that I was just tuning into. I loved him and vice versa, or so we thought, but we were incompatible in some basics - my remaining religion back then and his/his family's reaction to it, and his strong athleticism and my nonchalance. He married the woman after me and they have been together many decades; I'm not jealous, she fit him better. I was broken hearted in the beginning.

On reading a2k threads for quite a long time, I've learned how lucky I was that my first sex was wonderful.

Don't rush. Enjoy it when you get there.

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