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Is it possible to be separated and live together?

 
 
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 10:26 am
Well the title really sums it up.... do you think it is possible to be separated but still to live together (obviously not sharing sleeping spaces and limiting contact throughout the day to only when absolutely neccesary)....
 
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 10:38 am
@Crazielady420,
i couldn't do it
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  5  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 10:42 am
@Crazielady420,
Yes.
You'll need a written roommate agreement.
NOT kidding.
Delineate how the bills will be paid.
Is there is mortgage, is there a lease? Who is bound by either?
How your things and his things will be stored. (Whose groceries go where?)

Agree that neither of you will 'entertain' in the home.

Come on A2kers, think of more things.... .

Oh, yeah.
Immediately start your plan of removing yourself from those premises as the earliest possible moment.

Joe(then get out)Nation
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 10:49 am
@Crazielady420,
It can work for a short term, but not in the long run.

In a few months you will be able to tell us why not...

good luck to you and the kiddos.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 10:52 am
@Crazielady420,
Oh yes, it's possible. But it's reallyreallyreally not a good idea.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 11:38 am
@Crazielady420,
Make sure you know how you're going to get rid of him, when it comes time for him to go. Sometimes, the simple act of living in a place seems to confer some kind of right to live there.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 12:02 pm
@Crazielady420,
One thing I've been seeing more of is "nesting" childcare arrangements -- the kids stay in one place, and the parents are the ones who rotate in and out. Not sure if that would work for you (or the situation you have in mind).

http://kelseytrask.blogspot.com/2011/03/what-is-nesting-and-why-would-i-try-it.html
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 12:25 pm
Hi, CLady -
I'm not clear if he has already left and is living elsewhere and needs to come back for financial reasons, or if he hasn't left yet and you are both thinking it could be financially sensible for him to stay while you both act separated.

This seems fraught with trouble ahead, from my view.
0 Replies
 
Ceili
 
  1  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 12:35 pm
Geez, I'm so sorry. I know I couldn't do this, but if you must I can only wish you luck. I'm pulling for you sister...
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 01:07 pm
@sozobe,
Nesting has been the alternative I've liked the best since I first read about it mmmm 25 or 30 years ago. The few examples I've seen in person have been fabulous for the kids.

Ratty little apartments for mom and dad, a good place for the kids to stay and be as stable as possible.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 14 Jun, 2012 01:08 pm
@Crazielady420,
Separated and living together.

It's probably possible, but it seems incredibly stressful and that's lousy for the kids.
0 Replies
 
Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 12:01 pm
@Crazielady420,
Thanks for the other great options. My head has just been spinning lately. I've told him there is no relationship without trust and I don't trust him. We both want to work at it but I am so exhausted from all the stress. This isn't the first time we've come to this but it feels like this more than we do happy at this point.

I am at a complete loss and just don't know what to do anymore.
MontereyJack
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 12:09 pm
A friend of mine and his ex-wife have been living in the same house for quite a few years now. He lives upstairs and his ex lives downstairs and their daughter shuttles back and forth, which is much easier on her. It's a little strange, but it seems stable and amicable. He's pretty easy-going, which helps.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 12:44 pm
I knew a guy who for financial reasons had to live for almost four years in a house with the woman he was trying to divorce.

He hated every minute of it.
~~
You don't trust him?
Would you live with a roommate you didn't trust.

Get him out or you get out or you both get out and go separate ways.
Ten years from now you won't remember how hard it was.

Joe(start now)Nation
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 03:39 pm
@Joe Nation,
I agree with Joe Nation, CLady.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 05:00 pm
@Crazielady420,
I handled 5 weeks, and I hated every minute of it.. There is this un-comfortable feeling, your eyes don't want to meet each other, you have to pass each other, it's just aweful.

If you have non-trust for him and it's stressing you out, I'd consider seperating and not living together so your head can start to think clearly, so you can be in your own space, free from this and take your time in finding your own answer.

I think it's too hard doing it the way you are doing it, how can you honestly make decisions when he's there in front of you..



0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  3  
Reply Fri 15 Jun, 2012 05:33 pm
@Crazielady420,
Hey CL, from what I've seen it just becomes all of the bad stuff without any of the good. You'll still fight and stress each other out, but the love part is gone. I assume your asking because of financially difficulty, but when you have to ask a question like this it basically means the partnership is over and everyone needs to be on their own. If you can't afford the house, see if you can find a woman in the same situation as you and do a house share. Either that or downsize. Hope this all works out for you and the children in the end.
0 Replies
 
 

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