After the divorce and affair...

Forums: Relationships, Divorce, Marriage, Affair
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It has been a year since I told my now ex-husband that I was having an affair.
We got divorced a few weeks later. Luckily there were no kids involved.
It was a very complicated situation as the person that I had the affair with was my ex-husband's sister's husband. We worked together, lived next door to each other and were all really close. His sister and my "lover" were had wanted to get a divorce a couple of times and he was very unhappy.
I hate what I have done!!! I NEVER ever thought that I was capable of such a thing. I always looked at people that had affairs and judged them!
So, we both got divorced and started seeing each other 3 months later. It ended when he told me he felt too bad. 2 months later I found out that I was pregnant with his baby and had to make the call.
He has never wanted to have kids, so I was very nervous. He was very happy to hear that I had phoned. Both shocked with the news, we decided the best thing to do would be to get back together for the sake of the baby. Things were going so well. We decided to move in together. After 3 really sick months, I lost the baby.
He told me that it didn't change a thing. I have not felt so happy in about 2 years.
We started doing amazing trips to different places because we are the adventurous type, one of the things I love about him. Today, he told me that it is over. He said that us being together is wrong morally and that he cannot live with himself. Last week I lost my job and I feel like I have no hope left.
Is it wrong to be with a person that you had an affair with after your divorce?

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 2,075 • Replies: 2

[+4] - jespah - 05/25/2012'Course not. You're both separated, I take it (e. g. why would you be living together?). So, two people who were basically free, started living together. Then they weren't living together....

@mynewlife,

'Course not.

You're both separated, I take it (e. g. why would you be living together?).

So, two people who were basically free, started living together.

Then they weren't living together.

Yeah, the circumstances and the start of it were not the best (understatement of the year). But you were doing what you thought was best for the baby. And then the baby didn't make it.

I get the feeling the grief about the baby is turning on his feelings of guilt about the affair.

I recommend counseling, mainly because you recently lost a baby and that tends to be a good time to get counseling anyway. And talk about this, too. Frankly, I think he could use some counseling as well.

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@mynewlife,

I don't think you asked the right question... what you really want to know is why did he leave you. He gave you a reason, but maybe you don't believe it. I think Jes is right - you need counselling - it can't hurt and might help get you through this. First things first, though, you need to get a job. Best of luck to you.

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After the divorce and affair...

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