Please helo me proofread two letters of thanks

Forums: English, Esl, Grammar, Letter Writing
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This is one of my students'writing. I made some changes. But I changed the original meaning in some sentences. Could you help me check to make it more acceptable to native speakers and at the same time maintain the original meaning?
original
May 1, 2012
Dear Lucy,
I am now writing these few lines to express my sincere thanks for sending me flowers for my birthday gift . I'd like you to know how much your flowers meant to me. You is a kind girl I know you are very like reading, so I have buy a good comic books for you I think you will like it. My whole family are Looking forward to you have time to our guest.
Yours Signature,
diana

revised
May 1, 2012
Dear Lucy,
I am now writing this letter to express my sincere thanks for sending me flowers on my birthday. You are so kind!
I know you like reading very much, so I bought a comic book for you. I hope you would like it.
Could you come and have a dinner with us this Friday? My whole family are looking forward to seeing you again.
Best wishes,
Diana

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@ziawj2,

May 1, 2012
Dear Lucy,
I am [you don't need now, there's nothing temporal to compare it to] writing [you don't need "this letter"--your correspondent knows it's a letter (a note, actually)] to express my sincere thanks for sending me flowers on my birthday. You are so kind!

I know you like reading very much, so I bought a comic book for you. I hope you [you don't need "would" and it makes the sentence sound awkward] like it.

Could you come and have a dinner with us this Friday? My whole family are looking forward to seeing you again.
Best wishes,
Diana

Here it is:

May 1, 2012
Dear Lucy,
I am writing to express my sincere thanks for sending me flowers on my birthday. You are so kind!

I know you like reading very much, so I bought a comic book for you. I hope you like it.

Could you come and have a dinner with us this Friday? My whole family are looking forward to seeing you again.
Best wishes,
Best wishes,
Diana

1 Reply

@Setanta,

My correction: My whole family IS looking forward to seeing you again.

2 Replies

@ziawj2,

Dear Lucy,
Sincere thanks for the flowers . I have some comic books I think you will like and we are Looking forward to your visit (or) Could you come for dinner Friday? We're looking forward to seeing you again.
Yours,
di

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Your whole family are a collection of individuals, a plurality.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

Ragman wrote:

My correction: My whole family IS looking forward to seeing you again.

Your opinion is acceptable. But the usage "are" here seems better.

0 Replies

@dalehileman,

dalehileman wrote:

Dear Lucy,
Sincere thanks for the flowers . I have some comic books I think you will like and we are Looking forward to your visit (or) Could you come for dinner Friday? We're looking forward to seeing you again.
Yours,
di

A good version.
But Set's seems help a leaner more in some ways.

0 Replies

@Setanta,

I beg to differ. For example, would you not say "a corporation is on the move"? I believe that one would properly say that and this would be a similar construction.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

However, a corporation is more than a collection of individuals. I would say, for example; "The stafff of the Ragman Corporation are not happy with his management." This is not unknown in the American language, although it is more common among the Brits.

1 Reply

@Setanta,

However while that might be true...when you refer to the staff of a corporation...as a plural, when you speak of the corporation itself as a collective whole ... as a unit..and a singular entity.

You would correctly say the members of the family are ....whereas the family (as a unit)..is seen as singular..and as such should be expressed as the family IS.

1 Reply

@Ragman,

You're wrong, but as i've never known you to admit such a possibility, i don't expect to see you agree. Either usage is reasonable, whether or not you see it.

2 Replies

@Setanta,

Perhaps you have me confused with someone else or you don't know me well at all. Actually, truth be told, I often admit when I'm wrong as it's not a rarity. I'm interested in seeing other opinions, if any are offered.

0 Replies

@Setanta,

Quote:

You're wrong, but as i've never known you to admit such a possibility, i don't expect to see you agree.

You and Ragman had a good discussion going on, Set, both of you providing points for your respective positions and then BLAM, you come up with this.

Ragman and I have disagreed on a number of things but I think, from what I've seen of him is that your "assessment" is about 175 degrees off true. In his discussion he used language that was deferential, allowing that he could be wrong.

Quote:

Either usage is reasonable, whether or not you see it.

Of course either usage is reasonable - that's not the point. What's reasonable is to expect that one will choose that which is most common to one's dialect.

"... In contrast, a few collective nouns such as family and crew regularly take both singular and plural concord in BrE, although singular concord is preferred in AmE ."

Longman Grammar of Spoken and Written English pg 188

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Please helo me proofread two letters of thanks

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