Sex lasting TOO long..problem

The female has ejaculated like 5 times already

Delayed Ejaculation
June 21, 2008
by Paul Joannides, Psy.D.

Delayed ejaculation is when a guy can usually get a rock hard erection and have intercourse for a really long time, but can't ejaculate. What's particularly fascinating is that the majority of men with this problem are able to ejaculate just fine when they masturbate. It's when you put a flesh-and-blood partner between the guy's hand and his penis that he comes slower than a slug on sandpaper.

Delayed ejaculation used to be known as retarded ejaculation, until we decided that calling a man a "retarded ejaculator" was a bit harsh. It's also referred to as inhibited ejaculation. Even though somewhere between 2% to 6% of men have the problem, very little research has been done on it and very little credible information is available for consumers.

Of course, if you're a man who comes faster than Hans Solo in a Millennium Falcon, you might be thinking, what's the big deal here?--I'll trade my prematurely ejaculating penis for another guy's slow stick in a heartbeat. But unless you've been there and done that, it's hard to understand just how cumbersome and what a burden on a relationship delayed ejaculation can be. It can make sex hard work for both partners.

There can be numerous factors that contribute to how fast or slow a guy will launch his load. So what causes delayed ejaculation in one person might not be the same things that cause it in the next person--and I do think it is "things" rather than thing.

I also want to comment that I think we hold men to a different standard regarding their orgasms than we do women. Not many years ago, we used to call a woman who couldn't have an orgasm from intercourse frigid. I suppose frigid is nicer than retarded, but today we say it's completely normal if a woman doesn't have an orgasm during intercourse, as long as she can pop one out when she's masturbating. Unfortunately, we are neither as kind nor generous with men. If a man can ONLY come from masturbation but not intercourse, we assume there's something wrong. He often feels horrible about himself, and his partner is sure it's because he doesn't find her sexually appealing or she can't do anything good for him in a sexual way.

So if you're dealing with this problem, try to remind yourselves that there are plenty of ways you can enjoy intercourse and sexual intimacy without needing a male ejaculation as reassurance that you've crossed the lovemaking finish line. What if you agree on a signal the woman can give during intercourse for when she's satisfied and wants to stop? This takes the pressure off him, and it takes the pressure off her.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/you-it/200806/delayed-ejaculation

You may also have a hand in your delayed ejaculation problem. By adopting a masturbation technique that involves intense pressure, friction and speed, some men train themselves to respond to a level of stimulation no partner could duplicate -- at least not without coaching, which the man usually is reluctant to provide.

Michael A. Perelman, PhD, a sex and marital therapist in New York City says he sometimes tries to get men with delayed orgasm to agree to a masturbation moratorium. This does more than stop the practices that may be contributing to the problem. It also allows a build-up of sexual desire, which provides "a mechanism for reducing the threshold of arousal necessary for orgasm," he says.

But while masturbation can cause delayed ejaculation, it can also aid in the cure. If a guy won't agree to keep his hands off, Perelman will urge him at least to alter his masturbation style -- to switch hands, for example -- in order to break old habits. The problem is that your tried-and-true, quick-and-dirty masturbation style is probably terrible practice for sex with another person.

So instead of just masturbating efficiently to achieve orgasm, Perelman encourages men to fantasize about a sexual experience with their partners while they masturbate. He tells them to try "to approximate, in terms of speed, pressure and technique, the stimulation he likely will experience through manual, oral, or vaginal stimulation with his partner." It might take a little longer, but it makes masturbation more of a "dress rehearsal" for sex. You can also talk to your partner about your fantasy afterwards, Perelman suggests.
http://men.webmd.com/guide/overcoming-ejaculation-problems?page=2

Rapid proliferation of Internet porn also plays a role in the rise of delayed ejaculation. The reason is that easy access to porn has made frequent masturbation among men more common. This can lead to an increase in the time it takes to reach orgasm and ejaculate during real sex. The result: With so many varieties of porn at their fingertips, men who get in the habit of having a steady flow of sexual novelty and intense visual stimulation, have a more difficult time reaching peak levels of sexual arousal with their real-world partners...

Link between delayed ejaculation and frequent masturbation.

When a man masturbates, he is often applying significantly higher levels of pressure and friction than real intercourse provides. So, he may get used to a different kind of physical feeling. Additionally, age can exasperate the situation as it is perfectly natural for older men to experience longer refractory periods (the time between erections), but also an increase in the time it takes to reach orgasm and ejaculate.

As a result, there are a lot of men who can only get past the point of no return via oral sex, or manual stimulation (usually their own). The bottom line: If a man with delayed ejaculation is masturbating more frequently than he’s having sex with his partner, then it can be helpful to take a masturbation-break.
http://www.goodinbed.com/miniguides/2010/04/delayed-ejaculation-de.php

Healthy attitudes toward sexuality and one's own genitals helps prevent delayed ejaculation. It is also vitally important to realize that you cannot will a sexual response, just as you cannot will yourself to go to sleep or to perspire. The harder one tries to have a certain sexual response, the more it becomes inhibited.

To minimize the pressure, a man should absorb himself in the pleasure of the moment, without worrying about whether or when he will ejaculate. The partner should create a relaxed atmosphere, free of pressure, rather than create pressure with questions about whether or not ejaculation has occurred. Finally, any fears or anxieties, such as fear of pregnancy or disease, should be openly discussed.
http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/disease/delayed-ejaculation/overview.html

The female has ejaculated like 5 times already... Thoughts?

muri wrote:

The female has ejaculated like 5 times already... Thoughts?

I think my BS meter is overloading....

The biggest red flag for me was when he said "the female."

Not "my girlfriend" or "my partner," but "the female" like he's Richard Attenborough.

I never heard a guy who isn't on viagra complaining about going for too long.