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Quasimodo's Replacement.

 
 
lenny
 
Reply Wed 11 Feb, 2004 01:30 pm
After Quasimodo's death, the Bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The Bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day when an armless man approached him and announced that he was where to apply for the bell ringer's job. The Bishop was incredulous: "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "Observe!" And with that he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The Bishop listened in astonishment, convinced he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned Bishop rushed to his side.

By the time the Bishop reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the Bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the Bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell".
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BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!!
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The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the Bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The Bishop agreed to give the man an audition, but as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the Bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly. "I don't know his name" sighed the distraught Bishop,

WAIT................
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..........but he's a dead ringer for his brother http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/8/superbiggrin.gif
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lenny
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Feb, 2004 01:33 pm
When I was just a child we had a really really heartbreaking funeral on our street, and it brought it home to me later in life how cruel children, and even adults can be. It was the funeral of a poor humpbacked man that had lived in the area all his life. I don't think he was married or had any family to speak of, but when he died the whole town came out to pay their respects. The extra large turnout might have been from guilt because of the cold way we ostracised and jeered the poor unfortunate fellow.

The really sad part was that for the funeral directors, to fit him into a normal coffin, had to strap his hump down in some way that none of us even wanted to know. During the funeral mass the priest did not waste any words telling us what he thought of us as a Christian community. He bellowed abuse from the pulpit and swore us all straight to hell for our sins....."Here lies poor Peter..Poor Peter. Did any of you heathens know his name ??...did any of you godfearin' fools think to ever ask it?--- NO!..NO Yis Did NOT! - Humpy is the name you christened him with--shouting it at him as he went about his daily chores..dancing in rings around his ankles as he tried to climb the church steps each day..JEERING! JEERING!!..HUMPY HUMPY. ....Well you can all rest satisfied now because he is finally dead, and his soul is resting in a place that none of you will ever come near to seeing. You killed the poor wretch with your tomfoolery and ignorance..You shower of sanctimonious hippocrates ...Did the poor wretch chastise any of you torturing him? NO he took all of your insults in silence and offered them up as penance to the almighty...HE...."

Suddenly the strap holding down the man's hump must have snapped or something because the coffin lid burst wide open and the whole congregation were climbing on top of each other to get out the doors pronto. Men and women were screaming in fear as they trod on each other to get away....I have to admit that I was not the last person to make a break for the exit but when I got safely outside it was kinda funny to look back and see the priest with his belt caught on the door handle screaming frantically "LET GO OF ME YE HUMPY BACKED Bu**er" http://smilies.sofrayt.com/%5E/8/superbiggrin.gif
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