Husband Impossible to Communicate with

I have been married for four years. My husband is a retired Marine and is 12 years older than me. My husband has cheated on me while we were dating, which caused me to leave him (we were living together). After being separated for a year, he started coming back around and showing some signs that he hd changed. He even told me that he was chasing women in order to get all of the things that he was too stupid to realize I was offering (his words not mine). His humility and humble attitude made me think that he had changed. We got back together and got married a year later. The main problems that we have are his willingness to help and do for others the same things that he acts as if I am taking advantage of him if he does those same things for me, or he refuses to do the same things for me (oil changes for the car, lending money between paydays, going with me to appointments or my kid's sporting events). We entertain a lot and most of the people that come are married, and the ones that are not married or in a serious relationship are women. It seems that he creates a bond with the women that are single and attractive. He somehow without me being aware, exchanges numbers with these women and they develop a relationship of calling, emailing and texting each other. Then if they need him to do things for them like I mentioned above he jumps at the chance, even if they don't ask, but he hears of them needing this help, he jumps at the chance to help them. Me, and my 20 year old daughter pay to have these things done for us, until he is faced with the fact that we are doing so then he barks out instructions for us to follow in order for him to help us with these sorts of things, but all the while he is extremely annoyed and establishes all kinds of requirements we have to meet before he will do the things for us (being home by a certain window of time so that we don't interrupt his favorite show, or before his buddies show up) none of his other friends male or female have to adhere to such rules and restrictions, they can come at anytime, not have all of the supplies needed, and he still does what ever they need done, if we miss one thing, we have to deal with his attitude, or threats that we will have to wait days before he can get to it which causes us anxiety that we have done something wrong. When I bring to his attention that he is different with us than he is with his friends, he will claim that he knew the friends before us, or that I am making a big deal out of nothing. Eventually we go back to paying people to do these things for us until something happens that makes him feel that he has to do it for his - causing the cycle to repeat.

Back to the women, they will come to our gatherings (summer cook0uts, New Years Party, 4th of July/Husband's birthday party) and they become very comfortable with my husband as far as joking and sometimes even wrestling around (which is rediculous my husband is 51 these women's ages range from 25 to 46) and even though they are very comfortable with him, they are distant and borderline disrespectful to me - they don't speak, they thank my husband for the good food and good time, but barely even say good-bye to me when they leave and the list goes on. I am sure that my story is one sided, I am sure that most of you want to know if I am doing something to make these people/females feel unwelcomed, or if I have ever been ungrateful causing my husband to not want to do mechanical work for me and my daughter. The truth is, I am very loving and welcoming maybe it makes me come across as a push over, why else would people come into my home and not be concerned about their actions and how I would react. I am very nice to my husband and appreciative for all that he does for me, I tell him so, I purchase cards out of the blue to thank him, and other little things like giving special romantic nights just to show my appreciation. He just seems determined to publicly show that I am not important to him.

I am attractive so I used think that he was intimidated by my appearence, in fact the women that he is overy nice to or flirts with, often have similarities to me and my apperance. I just don't get it. I tell him that his actions are disrespectful to me and I try to stand up for myself but it just leads to weeks of silent treatments and hurtful actions on his part. I am at the end of my rope and just don't know what to make of the situation. I already suggested counseling and he flat out refuses. I only seem to get his attention when I am just about packed and ready to leave, but when I stay its only a matter of time before his behavior reverts back. Can anyone make sense of what is going on here? Help please.