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It is wordy. But how to make it shorter?

 
 
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 08:02 am

The survival rate is 30% in the virus group, 89% and 97% respectively in the two paclitaxel and its analogue groups with difference concentration (180mg/kg、70 mg/kg). The survival rate of the latter is significantly higher than the that of the former.

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I'm not sure whether we can reduce "The survival rate of the latter is significantly higher than the that of the former" to "significantly higher" without changing its meaning.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 432 • Replies: 9
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View best answer, chosen by oristarA
InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 09:34 am
@oristarA,
"Significantly higher" isn't a sentence.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 10:43 am
@InfraBlue,
InfraBlue wrote:

"Significantly higher" isn't a sentence.


I mean:

The survival rate is 30% in the virus group, 89% and 97% respectively in the two paclitaxel and its analogue groups with difference concentration (180mg/kg、70 mg/kg). The survival rate of the latter is significantly higher than the that of the former.

====>>>>>

The survival rate is 30% in the virus group, 89% and 97% respectively in the two paclitaxel and its analogue groups with difference concentration (180mg/kg、70 mg/kg), significantly higher.
InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 01:22 pm
@oristarA,
Just saying 'significantly higher" is ambiguous as to what you are referring to. If you want to be more concise, you should consider leaving out the second sentence entirely, because the first sentence makes the survival rate of the latter group abundantly clear, and makes the second sentence superfluous.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 08:00 pm
@InfraBlue,
InfraBlue wrote:

Just saying 'significantly higher" is ambiguous as to what you are referring to. If you want to be more concise, you should consider leaving out the second sentence entirely, because the first sentence makes the survival rate of the latter group abundantly clear, and makes the second sentence superfluous.


Thank you.
But if we are to stress the importance of the difference, how?

The survival rate of the latter is significantly higher than that of the former.
====>>>> ?
roger
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 08:13 pm
@oristarA,
oristarA wrote:

The survival rate of the latter is significantly higher than that of the former.



I would keep it as written. I would prefer wordy to lack of clarity.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Apr, 2012 10:09 pm
@roger,
Thank you Roger.
McTag
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Apr, 2012 01:19 am
@oristarA,

It's not wordy, it's fine as it is.

It could be "dumbed down" into something like "Group A do much better than Group B", but that's not an improvement.
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MontereyJack
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Apr, 2012 02:42 am
Why do you want to make it less wordy in the first place? It isn't, particularly.
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Apr, 2012 04:57 am
Thank you, McTag and Jack.
0 Replies
 
 

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