No indeed, life's not fair.

damn

Yes.
No.
Life is not fair.
But if it is just
it will provide each of us
some witness
to say
Here was a man
Here was a woman
Here was a person
who lived the best life they could
loved as best as they could
cared and dared to be the being they felt within
thought the best thoughts about the rest of us
poor pathetic examples of humanity
and
gave us hope
that somehow
we would learn to be
as loving
as thoughtful
as caring and daring
as
this
one
soul.
May it be so
May I do my best to make it so,

Joe(amen)Nation

Im really sorry chai!

Hugs to you and your family! :'(

Beautiful, Joe.

Yes, one of the good guys.

Although Becca is definitley her fathers (my husbands) daughter, "John" was the one that was there teaching her the day to day right and wrongs. A patient man.

I'm reminded of the ending passage is George Eliots "Middlemarch"

The growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

John will be visited, but of course not forever. However, he made his mark on the world through raising 3 productive members of society, that will continue his good works.

I looked online awhile ago at this "bucket list" site. I just don't get that concept, especially reading a number of lists.

When I die, I'm either not going to exist anymore, and won't even have a memory of what I've done or didn't do. If there's some kind of afterlife which involves awareness, I'd think the fact you got around to hang gliding during your brief stint here wouldn't mean much either. This bucket list idea seems so hollywood.

I didn't read any list that said someone wanted to do anything for the lasting good of society. That would be the legacy I'd like to leave to the world, and which John has done.

I was talking to a woman I know yesterday, someone who is aware she's had a good life, gotten some good breaks, and she's what I would consider someone who's usually in a good mood. We were discussing what appears to be the expectations of people today, as compared to times past. She said she doesn't believe it's the natural condition of people to be happy most of the time, which is what we seem to expect today.
I agree. Most of life is putting one foot in front of each other most of the time, good times come around, then maybe bad, followed by a stretch of inbetween.
I don't see anything wrong with that. It sounds normal.

So, while John doesn't want to die yet, it's not like he doesn't want to because he hasn't shot the rapids yet. It's just a generally good thing to be around.

My condolences.

It’s going to be tough on your stepdaughter. My mom has been gone for 11 years now and my father 6 years. It does get better, but sometimes the moments still come out of the fog like a freight train bent on my destruction.

Great Middlemarch passage. I've been thinking I should read that.

Condolences to you and your family, Chai.

Very sad to hear this, chai.
His death will be very hard on your step-daughter.
It sounds like it will be hard on you, & other people who know him, too.
My condolences to all of you.
He sounds a very good person.

If u think that it 'd cheer him up,
u might consider tipping him off to: www.IANDS.org
There exists a body of literature on the subject.

People who have actually gone thru it,
have become very optimistic about it.
Some of them were very angry and resentful
at being forced to return to human life, instead of that.
Some compared it to being put back in jail.

I hope that it will support his morale.
On the other hand, some people get mad, when u bring up the subject.
Use your best judgment.





David

thanks morgan and olga, osso & dave
although I don't feel I'm the one who should be offered condolences.

Becca is visiting here this weekend, she's watching a movie w/ her dad right now.

She's an incredibly together woman, she feels sad, but from watching her, it feels like she's aware that at this point not only is it inevitable, but a blessing.

She's texting back and forth with her mom, who is staying at the hospice with her husband.

When I asked becca how her mom is, she said "she's a rock, she'll wait to break down when it's over."

The 19 year olds, they're the one's who are taking it the worst.

Parting with loved ones is for me the hardest thing in life. That we know how wonderful they have been with their lives is consoling. Knowing they suffer no more matters much. It is important that we are there to bid them good bye. I only had that opportunity once and it made the passing easier to bear.

I noticed that this evening, Sunday evening,
on Time Warner Cable Channel 763 "BioHD" at 1O PM,
there will be an episode of I SURVIVED . . . BEYOND and BACK,
immediately followed by another episode,
with descriptions of the individual experiences of other people.

These r the descriptions of multiple people who were killed
in several different ways and then were returned to human life in hospitals.
Thay tell what thay experienced.

Maybe your friend woud be interested in the show.
I think that it promotes optimism n good cheer.





David

Understandable.

"John" sounds like an honest, decent, caring man. I'm sure he'll be missed by many.

(Lovely thoughts, Joe)

Well, we got word a couple of hours ago that John passed away.

It was strange, Becca got up to go to the bathroom, and I had this random thought "John's dead"
When she got back, she had a text from her brother.

She told her brother that his only job right now was to get mom home safely. She tried to call her sister, but she's not answering her calls.

Becca was leaving in the morning anyway.
BTW, the reason she was able to visit is because she had to fly out, because her grandmother, who lived in fredericksburg, had her funeral on friday.

grandmother was more than ready to go, she'd had many clothes calls in the last decade.
Becca said she's glad John went quickly, since he was not happy or in any way accepting, so now he doesn't need to go through that.

He had no religious beliefs, so they are going to rent a restaurant with a beatles cover band.

eekk... you ok ?

call me if you need to...

oh, I'm fine. He was a great guy, but keep in mind he was my husbands ex-wifes 2nd husband.

Becca is actually watching the movie buffy the vampire slayer right now. She's sad, but she'll be fine.

The reason I first thought of the "life's not fair" title is that, look at my husband...you know his history, and demons he's battled.

In fairness, he's a person that would have been more likely to die than someone who's biggest vice was the love of pasta.

I get ya..

All I can say is I can fully understand how your step daugther feels. Not that my dad had a fully clean life (smoked for years and finally was able to quit)- but he also wasn't a huge risk taker. Took care of his family, etc.

And he wanted to fight until the end as well. I think for me that was toughest - he kept I want to fight this thing.

I really sorry for you and your step daughter and the rest of the family - it isn't easy and it was so difficult to watch and see the pain and all else. So sorry. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers are with you all.

thanks linkat.

Becca's on her way to the airport w/ her dad.

This morning, we actually had a couple of laughs about family stories she told about John. It's good to remember all the good times.