To do the right thing?

Forums: Relationships, Homosexuality, Family, Why, Parents
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Right thing to do is to tell my parents. My brother, basically is my bestfriend. He told me this afternoon about why he was off this month. He told me he has feelings for men, that hes gay. No wonder why his 'friend has been over house alot'. He said he trust me, and im the person he told this to beside his friend'. I basically have been trying to stay away from him the whole day. Im staying the night at my friends house tonight, its so weird. I love him, but this is a huge sin. My friend said i should stay true and talk to him. I cant face him or look at his face no more. Me and him will never be the same. I always run away from my problems and he knows that so why would he tell me?! If our parent know, then i know he would get kick out. But i have never kept anything away from them. I dont know what to do?

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 2,021 • Replies: 16

@pinkmoonblacksun,

You would betray a trust from a member of your family?

1 Reply

@roger,

I don't no. I mean no, its just i would betray him or my parents if you think about it.

1 Reply

@pinkmoonblacksun,

I like what your friend said, stay true and talk to him. No, you may never be the same, but you can move forwards. He told you because he trusts you and cares about you. I don't think you should tell your parents. If he wants them to know, then he should tell them. You answered your own questions.

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Your brother is still the same person you got along with last week. He hasn't changed at all.

Either you love him and support him, or show him your love came with conditions.

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You don't have to DO anything. Information was given to you. There is no obligation for you to do anything with that information.

Your brother loved you enough to tell you. That took a lot of courage. I hope that you will continue to love him - just as he is.

Go on with your life. . . .

(Can you share the ages of all the people involved here?)

1 Reply

@pinkmoonblacksun,

Remember - hate the sin - love the sinner - there is nothing wrong with being support and loving your brother - even if you believe his lifestyle is not moral. I am not making judgements either way and neither should you. Your brother needs to make his own decisions and live with the repercussions of them.

And I wouldn't tell your parents - it isn't your place it is his. You are not betraying your parents by not telling them.

1 Reply

@pinkmoonblacksun,

pinkmoonblacksun wrote:

I don't no. I mean no, its just i would betray him or my parents if you think about it.

If you think about it, you'd only be betraying him.

You don't have to tell your parents everything you know. If you're a little kid, that's called being a tattletale.
If you're adult, it called being tied to their apron strings.

This is an important thing. Let your brother handle this in his own way.

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@PUNKEY,

I mean i do still love him, but its hard to over look it, as he way i was raise. I havent face him at all today, which im scared to do because i dont want him to think ill be judging him. And the thing is when i see him, what if i do? Me and my friend is 16, my brother is 18, and i dont know how old his 'friend' is, my mom is 36, dad is 39. Honestly i do miss him, ill mabey call him later, if i get my head clear. Mabey i was over reacying, but i just felt weird in this situation.

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@pinkmoonblacksun,

Dude/Dudette,

If you betray your brother over this, your relationship with him is pretty much done - for life. He may want to wait for the right time to tell your parents; you should respect his wishes.

Betraying a trust is as bad a sin as anything else you can do, man. You'll regret doing so. You should also talk to him - whether you understand or approve of what he's doing or not, he's still your brother and you should still love him.

If you're Christian, think about Jesus. Did he turn away from people who did bad? Shun them? Nope. He loved them. Be like that guy.

Cycloptichorn

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Well, of course you feel confused. That was a real bomb to put on you!

And you could have asked your brother, "What am I supposed to do with that information?"

He MAY have told you because he knew you would run to your parents. But don't do that.

In any case, calm down and just accept him for what he is - your brother.

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@Linkat,

Quote:

hate the sin - love the sinner -

I hate it when people say this. It is trite and condescending. Hate your own damn sin. I get to choose for myself what is or isn't sin. If you don't support and approve of me then you should find someone else to love.

I agree that this poster shouldn't betray a trust. But if you have a problem accepting someone else for who they are it is your sin, not theirs, that is the problem.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

if you have certain beliefs you would understand it is not trite - it is showing you are not being judgemental and you love people even though they do wrong - everyone does. It is actually reflecting that you also sin and you hate that.

Me thinks you donot truly understand the concept.

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@Linkat,

I suppose it is a matter of perspective, but if I am the target of these "certain beliefs", it sure feels judgmental.

If someone has a fundamental problem accepting who I am, I don't want their love. They can find people they approve of to love, and I can find people who can accept me for who I am.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

Here is Dan Savage's take on the topic, I think he is pretty reasonable about it.

1 Reply

@maxdancona,

Wow.

That's excellent advice, not just for coming out, but for many other lifestyle choices that others make.

Many people seem to dwell in this world where "my family doesn't accept who I am, I must always be the one made to feel I'm wrong."

Exactly...you have a year folks to work out your feelings, and if you're still a dick about it after that time, well....that's the choice you made, and I'm going to go off and live my life happily.

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@maxdancona,

I can understand that - it some people do say that in a judgemental way - but it isn't what the meaning is behind it.

What I was trying to convey without using phrases and sayings (as they can be misunderstood) - is you don't have to agree with someone's lifestyle or choice to love them.

Believe me for example I don't agree with how my brother raises his children - they say inappropriate things for their ages and their youngest they allow to have her way with everything. But I love those children and I love my brother. It is their choice how they raise their children - and he probably thinks I am too strict with mine - such is life.

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